How to deal with a desperate person (Tips)
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The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material.
In this article, we will answer the following question: How to deal with a desperate person? We will explain in detail what this emotion is, what its effects are and what are the guidelines to follow in order to successfully control and alleviate despair. Pay a lot of attention!
Here’s how to deal with a desperate person
When dealing with a desperate person that is close to you, for example, a friend, it is important to remind them to love themselves first, and that love comes second. Remind them that they matter and that they are important, and the right person will see it when it’s the right time.
Remind them it’s normal to feel lonely, but that doesn’t mean you jump into a relationship… it just means you need to spend more time finding the ways to be happy with you and with your life and with your friends.
Despair is the emotion contrary to hope. Ultimately, it is a degree of sadness experienced intensely. Suicide is the most palpable manifestation of despair. However, before reaching that point, there are other emotional states linked to despair in which the person feels bad, tired and looks at life with anger and negativity.
What is despair?
Despair is a very difficult emotion to cope with that can be defined as the total loss of hope that leads to face life in a very distressing way motivated by feelings of anger or helplessness. Furthermore, despair denies the possibility of having the strength and security necessary to face the future or the things that are about to happen to us. Therefore, despair can refer to both a state of mind and an attitude towards life.
People who feel desperate often show anxiety, anguish, and fury, and may even go so far as to lose control of themselves and hurt themselves. They go through great suffering that on many occasions they do not know how to face. Let’s see below what the effects of despair tend to be:
A desperate person has the feeling that her life is meaningless and loses the ability for human beings to enjoy the different things we have in life and the small details. The person is in a state of deep sadness that causes symptoms such as stress, anxiety, anger, exhaustion, fatigue, etc.
Despair can also lead to isolation, and when you are not feeling good about yourself, you do not feel good about other people either and you can avoid having a relationship with the one who had it before. The simple fact of having to spend time with other people can generate great discomfort and discomfort.
The thoughts that a desperate person has are very negative and she has to see everything in black, she sees no way out of her problems and she does not find the strength to face this situation.
Seek support in your environment or ask for professional help
How can you alleviate the despair sometimes felt in unemployment, illness or heartbreak? First of all, when you are in a bad state and do not know how to deal with problems, you need to seek support in our closest environment and avoid isolation.
In this way, we can express how we feel and let off steam with someone we trust who is willing to listen to us and help us in whatever way is necessary.
If you do not know who to go to or feel that you need the help of someone professional, it is best to go to a psychologist to start the appropriate therapy. An experienced therapist will be able to give you guidelines to help you get out of this situation, teach you how to control despair, and help you regain control of your life. Your story is important, do not hesitate to tell and share it to ease your grief.
Think of the past – Despair makes you look at the present as a drama and the future as a tragedy. Therefore, to get out of a desperate situation, looking back into the past can be a good option.
Look at all the beautiful moments you have lived in your past, feel lucky for the people who have loved you and who have passed through your life even if it is, for only five minutes. Every drop of love we receive constitutes us as happy people.
Care only about yourself – If you feel desperate and do not know what to do with your life, it is important that you try to remove from your mind all the negative thoughts and anguish that invades you. Within you, you have an inexhaustible ability to overcome yourself and to endure even the most adverse circumstances.
The weight of despair is enormous, so when you feel it, forget about the world and take care of yourself. Forget about the expectations that other people may have about you. Rest, eat well and surround yourself only with those people who really make you feel good and can ease your grief just by listening and being there.
Convince yourself that you are strong – If you can draw your inner strength, you can ease despair and feel much better sooner than you expected. Apart from your mind, “I can’t” and convince yourself that you are a strong person, that there is great strength in you, as there is in all of us, and that you only have to remove it to be able to face this complicated situation.
It is in these difficult situations when we have to be brave, release that inner strength and make our will to want to get ahead and recover prevail over our minds and fear.
How to politely refuse someone who is desperate
Especially when it comes to flirting and dating, it is impossible for some to say no – a toxic behaviour for both themselves and others. Learn to refuse, and you will regain your confidence and self-esteem.
Why can’t you refuse?
The way we behave is determined by our thoughts and underlying beliefs. Those who never say “no” start from the premise that it is impossible to reject others. When, in fact, refusal is a personal choice.
Under the guise of kindness and altruism, they hide a deep fear of rejection.
In essence, they are people eager to be accepted, loved and valued by others, and in return consider it necessary to offer tolerance and understanding.
In principle, there is nothing wrong with this perspective, but in a healthy relationship, it is important to have boundaries, even when it comes to tolerance. It is so great their fear of abandonment and not to be disappointed by refusal, that they manage their relationships by accepting without limits.
Emotional costs
Even if they feel that it is easier to tolerate than to have the courage to say “no” in the long run, it is very damaging. Once they receive the acceptance of others and relax, they will notice that the lack of limits produces an imbalance.
The habit of offering what you are asked for (physical, psycho-emotional, material availability) can quickly turn into frustration, irritation or anxiety and can give rise to passive-aggressive behaviours.
In the long run, it is extremely tiring and painful; relationships suffer because they will no longer feel good in the company of people they cannot refuse and will perceive their attitude as emotional abuse.
In a couple, where the degree of intimacy is increased, things are felt much more intensely and can quickly reach a critical point. Under the auspices of unconditional love, the one unable to say “no” will generate exactly the opposite effect.
Accustoming his partner to his boundless tolerance, he will consider, in the first stage of the relationship, that it is dangerous to say “no”, that he only risks being abandoned.
After a while, when the fear decreases, he realizes his efforts and considers that he is wronged, exploited. The change of attitude upsets the partner, who, before, accepts anything. And who, now, he, too, feels unjust! And the two enter a vicious circle.
Another effect can be the aggressive attitude of the one who is unable to say “no”, because he is negatively charged and cannot change his approach in a healthy way – he ends up exploding explosively.
Here’s how we learn to refuse a desperate person
Before learning how to refuse, it is necessary to redirect our attention to our own person, to discover what triggered this behaviour, what sustains it.
In this sense, it is important to first acquire the awareness of our own value, based on our qualities, without waiting for external confirmations.
Also, being able to say “no” involves a process of emotional maturation, which brings with it the assumption of the consequences of refusal.
This process, which can be long, is good to carry out with the help of a counsellor or psychotherapist, as the framework and the therapeutic relationship are very important in terms of increasing self-esteem and acquiring new beliefs and functional behaviours.
Refusal means respect for one’s own needs. It is not fair to demand that others spare us, given that we, alone, do not respect our own needs and are willing to constantly do them to our liking.
The people around us have the right to know if something bothers us or not, to know our limits, in order to be able to relate correctly to us.
As self-confidence is structured, we will look at the refusal with more detachment and naturalness, without raising so many questions, which denote insecurity or have palpitations, mental confusion, our voice trembling.
In some situations when we say “no”, it is very difficult to keep calm, we are afraid that the interlocutor will misinterpret, will take the refusal very personally and, unwittingly, we end up raising our voices, all degenerating into an argument.
That is why the refusal must be expressed calmly, with understanding, showing empathy.
FAQ on How to deal with a desperate person
Why are people so desperate for love?
People are desperate for love for various reasons. Some people are afraid of being lonely, they do not know how not to be in a relationship. But most of the time, people are desperate for love because they have an inner void that they’d rather have filled with external love than actually making the effort of living themselves.
Is it okay to be desperate love?
It is not exactly okay to be desperate for love, as it is a sign that you are willing to lose yourself in your relationship. You do not have the patience to meet the right person for yourself, you’d be with anyone other than being alone.
Why is being desperate a turn-off?
Being desperate is a turn-off as these types of people usually hurry to get in the wrong relationships. They do not have the time to get to know the other person, they don’t actually care about their partner. They just don’t want to be alone anymore.
What is a desperate person?
A desperate person is someone who has no hope. They often show anxiety, anguish, and fury, and may even go so far as to lose control of themselves and hurt themselves. They go through great suffering that on many occasions they do not know how to face.
How do you not look desperate?
You do not look desperate when you show confidence, when you are not clingy and dependent on the other person to text, call or to go out. A confident person puts their needs first and it is not afraid of letting go what no longer serves them.
Conclusions
In this article, we answered the following question: How to deal with a desperate person? We explained in detail what this emotion is, what its effects are and what are the guidelines to follow in order to successfully control and alleviate despair.
Despair is a very difficult emotion to cope with that can be defined as the total loss of hope that leads to face life in a very distressing way motivated by feelings of anger or helplessness.
When dealing with a desperate person that is close to you, for example, a friend, it is important to remind them to love themselves first, and that love comes second. Remind them that they matter and that they are important, and the right person will see it when it’s the right time.
If you found this article helpful, or if you have something you want to share with us, please let us know!
References
Greatist.com -How to Stop Feeling Desperate When You’re Single
Psychologytoday.com – 4 Ways to Deal with Insecure People
Thoughtcatalog.com – Why It’s So Hard To Love Desperate People