In this post, we will be looking at how to break a Narcissist down and how to deal with them.
How to break a Narcissist down?
Breaking down a Narcissist isn’t an easy task. But you can do something that is much more powerful. You turn the situation into an opportunity to grow stronger and wiser, more brave and honest, develop a more authentic connection to life inside and around you, and turn terror and pain into resources.
There’s no denying that in our lives, every one of us has a narcissist. While many of us can explore the world around us and figure a way to cope with the ups and downs given out, narcissists seem to be very well influenced by their setting. They blame someone for something they can’t handle.
To break down a narcissist, you’d have to abide by their rules, in which case you could find yourself trapped in a violent game, or worse, a terrifying conflict zone. And that’s the issue; the persistent state of inner chaos is precisely the lure that the narcissist sets, all while making you believe that “your condition” is as good as life is.
Your first move is to establish an intention to nullify their strategies from wasting your energy and emotional resources.
The game they’ve been set up to play is: catch you before you get them. Their game plan is to hold you ahead and one-up. Nothing energizes or drives them to action more than to believe that they are in a fierce “unto death” competition. They are in wargame mode, prepared to fight to survive.
You cannot break a Narcissist without hurting the human inside you. Instead, you develop the ability to choose to enhance your life actively, to make every experience grow stronger and wiser, to recognize and understand their patterns, and to encourage yourself to see the world from the perspective of a narcissist so that you can neutralize the influence they are trying to have on your emotional state of mind and body.
Breaking a Narcissist might not be your true goal. It is to wake up so that the false self of the narcissist no longer impacts you.
What is Narcissistic Personality disorder?
Narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD) is a personality disorder in which individuals have an inflated self-view. They also have an overwhelming need for others’ respect and consideration.
People with NPD may be dissatisfied and frustrated in general if the recognition or special favors they think they deserve are not granted to them. Others may see them as pompous and conceited and not like being around them.
They also have high self-esteem and can feel that, relative to other people, they are superior or unique. They often need immense praise and appreciation, however, and they can react poorly to perceived critique.
Narcissists, while downplaying those of others, also tend to overestimate their talents and achievements. Usually, they are concerned about power, success, and beauty. They can also indulge in impulsive activities, such as risky sex and gambling.
Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality disorder
In early adulthood, NPD normally occurs. As it goes against their self-image, people with the condition do not know that they have a problem.
- Pretentious and boastful
- Interactions are unfulfilling.
- Sad, frustrated, and confused when things don’t go the way they want it.
Ongoing problems with:
Causes of Narcissistic Personality disorder
NPD’s triggers aren’t well known. Inherited genetic abnormalities are, however, believed to be responsible for many NPD cases. Environmental factors contributing may include:
- Child abuse
- Excessive pampering by parents
- Parents’ unreasonable standards
- Sexual promiscuity (narcissism also follows)
- Influences of society
Treatment for Narcissistic Personality disorder
Treatment for NPD consists mainly of talk therapy, often referred to as psychotherapy. If alongside depression or another mental health condition, signs of NPD arise, then sufficient drugs can be used to treat the other illness. There are no drugs to cure NPD, however.
Previous researchers distinguished between narcissistic forms of “vulnerable” and “grandiose”:
The outer shell of self-centeredness and self-absorption of a vulnerable narcissist hides a weak inner heart.
On the other hand, grandiose narcissists genuinely believe in their grandeur and might even be just as good as they think they are.
Both are types of narcissism, but the greater “Dark Triad” characteristics, along with so-called “Machiavellianism” (manipulativeness) and psychopathy (lack guilt and empathy), may share those of the grandiose form in particular.
Narcissist’s Flying Monkeys
Even in the face of risk, the relationship between the narcissist and his flying monkeys is one of unwavering allegiance. They send their lackeys (aka flying monkeys) to do their business when the narcissist wishes to invoke any penalty on a goal. Unfortunately, coercive conduct such as guilt-tripping, bending the facts, gaslighting, attacks, intimidation, and abuse can sometimes include this. That keeps them out of the way of harm and, if caught, able to assert innocence.
Who are these Flying Monkeys?
As long as there is gain, such as strength, control, wealth, reputation, or the expectation of overtaking the other narcissist in the future, a narcissist will submit to another one. As soon as the supply of advantages is cut off, however, the narcissist abandons their deity and substitutes it for himself.
Narcissists and co-dependents are a great match. Their collective dysfunction is nurtured in an unhealthy way. To soothe their latent insecurities, narcissists require constant tending to and regular feeding of love. Naturally, co-dependents like to help and rescue others as a way to achieve gratification and meaning. Nevertheless, the narcissist feels abandoned and exits when the people-pleasing co-dependent heals from their dysfunctional habits.
Dependent Personality disorder
It is an attachment that is much deeper. Without the narcissist feeding the narcissistic “I’m superior” complex, the dependent will not make any choices, even tiny ones. Unfortunately, I’ve never seen an addict leave their narcissist. Even after divorce or death, there exists a peculiar “you will still be mine” connection. Even in the face of atrocities, the individual constantly glorifies the narcissist.
Last on this list are sociopaths because they like to conceal their evil acts under the shadow of narcissism. It’s not that they are dedicated to the narcissist’s altruistic ideals; they don’t have them, but because the narcissistic individual sucks the oxygen out of the air, so an assault by a sociopath is seldom noticed.
The narcissist believes that the sociopath is being led by them, and they make them believe that. However, the sociopath is the narcissist’s puppeteer who plays on their latent vulnerabilities and insecurities. For that reason, the sociopath would not leave because, given the right opportunity and situation, the narcissist is their shield that they can throw under the bus.
How to deal with a Narcissist?
Look at someone because of who they really are.
Those with narcissistic personalities, when they want to, are very good at turning on the charm. You may find yourself drawn to their great thoughts and pledges. In work settings, this can also make them especially common.
But watch how they handle others when they’re not “on stage” before you get drawn in. If you catch them being dishonest, manipulating, or deliberately disrespecting others, there’s no reason to think they’re not going to do you the same.
Break the spell and quit concentrating on them
Attention tends to gravitate their way when there is a narcissistic individual in orbit. By design, those with narcissistic attitudes work hard to hold themselves in the limelight, whether it is negative or positive attention. You may find yourself buying into this strategy quickly, putting your own needs aside to keep them fulfilled.
It will never come if you’re waiting for a break in their attention-seeking behavior. It’s never going to be enough, no matter how much you change your life to suit their needs.
You matter. Remind yourself of your talents, desires, and targets periodically.
Speak up for yourself
A great deal depends on the relationship. Some individuals with narcissistic attitudes want to make others writhe. Try not to get overly flustered or express frustration if that’s the case, as that would urge them to carry on.
Set transparent boundaries
Sometimes, an individual with a narcissistic personality is very self-absorbed. They might think they have the right to go where they want to go, snoop through your possessions, or tell you how to feel. They could give you unsolicited advice and take credit for stuff that you’ve done. Or pressure you in a public setting to talk about private stuff.
They may also have no sense of personal space, so many lines seem to be crossed. They don’t even see them, more often than not. That’s why the limits that are important to you must be clear.
Expect them to push back.
You may expect them to respond if you are standing up to someone with a narcissistic personality. They can come back with some demands of their own until you speak up and set boundaries. They might even seek to trick you into feeling bad or thinking you are the one who is irrational and oppressive. For sympathy, they might make a match.
Be prepared for your ground to stand. If you take a step backward, next time, they’re not going to take you seriously.
Find a support system.
Focus on building some healthier relationships and help people’s networks if you can’t stop the person. Excessive time spent with a narcissistic personality in a toxic relationship will leave you emotionally exhausted.
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In this article, we will be looking at how to break a Narcissist down and how to outsmart them.
What we recommend for personality disorders
If you are suffering from a personality disorder then ongoing professional counselling could be your ideal first point of call. Counselling will utilize theories such as Cognitive behavioural therapy which will help you live a more fulfilling life.
FAQ: How to break a Narcissist down?
What are the weaknesses of a Narcissist?
The vulnerability of a narcissist is their deep dislike of being humiliated.
Can Narcissists Change?
Therapy for narcissism will take a long time, and improvement can happen slowly. You might note some improvements early on, such as attempts to manage outbursts or avoid dishonesty or coercion. But other behaviors may persist, like anger in response to perceived criticism.
What are Narcissists afraid of?
People with NPD are deeply afraid of having others see their imperfections or failures. The perception of their superiority would be shattered by revealing their true inner feelings of insecurity.
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- Staik, A. (2020, January 17). 3 Secrets to Outsmarting a Narcissist (By Not Trying to). Retrieved November 05, 2020, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationships/2016/05/3-secrets-of-outsmarting-a-narcissist-by-not-trying-to/
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- Hammond, C. (2019, July 13). Narcissists and Their Flying Monkeys. Retrieved November 05, 2020, from https://pro.psychcentral.com/exhausted-woman/2019/07/narcissists-and-their-flying-monkeys/
- Whitbourne, S. (2014, August 30). 8 Ways to Handle a Narcissist. Retrieved November 05, 2020, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201408/8-ways-handle-narcissist