How do be more independent?

By

Author bio

Page last updated: 16/07/2022

This article will give you the best tips on how to be more independent. Aside from that, the article will discuss the spectrum between being independent, and being in a codependent relationship.

How do be more independent? 

If you feel the need to be more independent, here is what you can do.

Have clear boundaries

If you feel you are in a relationship that doesn’t allow you to be more independent, or that you need to be more independent as a person, the first thing you can do is work on your boundaries. If you feel you need to be more independent, it may be that you have observed that you have a difficult time standing up for yourself.

As you set boundaries you will show yourself, and others that there is a limit to what you will take in each situation. 

But building boundaries doesn’t happen from one day to the next, it is often related to you observing how each situation makes you feel, be it emotionally, or physically, and what are the core values that you are not willing to move past.

Learn how to communicate better 

Being more independent also implies that you will be able to understand, and tell others what your needs are. In every type of relationship, we may need to tell the other person what we need, and what their actions made us upset to deal with it.

If you don’t communicate well, you may not be getting what you want, and you may often realize that other people are stepping over your boundaries. To improve in that you need to be extremely aware of what your needs are, tell them clearly, and reinforce your boundaries.

In trying to improve your communication, you can try writing down what you are feeling, and what your needs are, so you can have a better notion of what to say.

Have your activities and passions 

It may be difficult to be more independent if your activities or passions are constantly linked to other people’s. That is because those are matters that will often show us we have a good sense of self. 

Having your particular interests show that you recognize yourself as a person that is worthy, and capable of enjoying yourself. If you realize that at the moment you don’t have a lot of passions or activities on your own, know you can always give new things a try.

You can try, for example, cooking, gardening, painting, hiking, reading, or even going to the movies by yourself.

Enjoy your own company 

Aside from having your interests, if you wish to be more independent you need to work on feeling good about being in your own company. This has a lot to do with being confident with who you are.

When you are confident in who you are, being in your own company won’t make you feel lonely. Rather than that, it will offer you the possibility of caring for yourself, recharging, and recovering from the stress of everyday life.

Being away from others is also something that will make the societal pressures seem distant, allowing you to think about your values and expectations. Aside from that, spending time by yourself can be a way to improve your self-esteem, and improve how you regulate your emotions.

Differentiate what you can and can’t control 

Sometimes, if you feel you need to be more independent may also be related to the idea that you are constantly feeling the urge of telling others what to do. 

Codependency is not only about needing to be told what to do, and on the other side of this relationship, there is likely someone that is more than happy to tell others what to do as well.

To step away from this behavior you need to keep in mind that other people’s thoughts and decisions are beyond your control and that you should let go of that responsibility. 

This doesn’t mean letting the person do whatever they want. There are times when people need our care and support. But just know that you are not responsible for how a person chooses to live their life.

Look for help

Sometimes trying to be more independent is not easy. It is not only by making a simple decision, that you will do it. The tendency of having codependent relationships can often be related to your past, and many of your previous life experiences.

When that is the case, it may be important to look for professional help. Through that, you will be able to understand the roots of your codependence and work towards changing that pattern. 

Don’t hesitate to look for help when needed, it may be scary, but it is only through dealing with those patterns that you will see yourself more prepared for a healthy relationship.

What is the spectrum between being independent, and being in a codependent relationship? 

Being in a codependent relationship, and being independent are two ends to the same ruler. You can be in a codependent relationship in which you feel you are in complete need of your partner for everything.

You need them to tell you how to act, what to say, and how to deal with situations. That can be extremely detrimental to you as it doesn’t allow you to see yourself as an individual with a sense of autonomy, and the ability to choose what to do with your life.

But being on the other end of that ruler, and being someone completely independent can also be detrimental to you. When you are too independent, you can feel like you are not able to trust and count on anyone to be there for you, making your life more lonely, since it makes it difficult for you to form meaningful bonds.

The best thing in this spectrum is to learn how to find your balance. Having a sense of autonomy and independence is important, but you should also have in mind that we live in a community and that it is possible to have people you count on without being completely dependent on them.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): How to be more independent? 

How can I be more independent while I still live with my parents?

If you want to be more independent, even though you still live with your parents you should have boundaries of how each of you interferes in the life of the other. Taking some time to focus on yourself after you get out of work can also help.

In trying to have a life that is not only defined by your family, you should make an effort to have meaningful relationships, but also keep the focus on what you want out of your future, and how you get there financially. 

Caring for yourself inside the house, meaning cooking, doing your laundry, and caring for your space is important. But know that you are not the only adult that loves your parents, try to find acceptance, and move towards your happiness.

What are ways for women to be more independent?

If you are a woman, and you are looking for ways to be more independent, you should try to make a point by speaking your mind. Creating a path for yourself, in which you feel joy, is also extremely important. 

Being able to maintain yourself in the world, be it financially, or emotionally is a great sign of independence. Having in your home a haven can be a sign you are independent, as well as traveling alone.

You should make a point of caring for your body and your mind and always try to keep learning. And even though sometimes life may be difficult, you should try to have some sense of control in your life.

What are the best tips for being an adult?

If you want to be a well-rounded adult, there are some things you can do. The first one is to learn how to deal with matters in your life. Although kids are allowed to throw tantrums, adults should learn how to deal with frustration and take responsibility for their actions.

Being able to have a responsible love in their life is also important, as well as not lying, and not allowing yourself to be driven by your ego. An adult will always get back to people when they call, will take care of themselves, and their things, and will always be grateful.

Can I deal with codependency on my own?

Yes, if you are aware you are having a codependent relationship with someone, or if you have a pattern of codependent relationships, you can cope with it on your own. Caring for your individuality, and working towards being more independent can make you feel like it is possible to have a relationship with a person differently.

But it is not everyone that will be able to deal with their codependency on their own. And that is not something to be embarrassed about. To some people, codependency can be so deeply related to their life story that they need to work through many matters before looking at themselves through a more independent glass.

How can I make a man chase me?

If you want a man to chase you, know that there are a few things you can do. The first one is to not make them the center of your world and focus your energy on yourself. Using your feminine magnetism, and bringing him in with your smile is a good step.

You should also work on ways to make him think about you. But keep in mind that when you find the right man, you won’t have to chase him that hard. But it is always important that he sees you as someone mysterious.

And when it is possible, you should try to do fun activities together so they can keep in mind how much fun the two of you have. Sending him a flirty text every once and a while is a good way to show you are interested, but without going after them too strongly.

And one of the most important pieces of advice that can be given is that, whatever you do, if you want a man to begin to chase you, you need to avoid chasing him.

Conclusion 

This article gave you tips on how to become more independent. Aside from that, the article showed what lies in the spectrum between being independent, or in a codependent relationship.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write them in the section below.

References

https://www.carinocounseling.com/blog/how-to-become-independent
https://psychcentral.com/health/ways-to-become-more-independent-less-codependent#therapy