How divorcing my spouse can make me depressed?

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This article will center on discussing how divorcing your spouse can lead you to depression. It will explain the concept of Post-divorce depression and all the ways you may cope with it.

How divorcing my spouse can make me depressed?

Divorce can be an extremely stressful time. There may be so many emotions going on, that you can feel overwhelmed, and even depressed. This is because ending a marriage means you are going through a profound change in your life, which can be traumatic.

It can be a moment filled with sadness, and sometimes even guilt. When you are getting divorced, you may feel like a part of your identity is gone. You spent so much time sharing your life with the person that it can be hard to imagine how it would be to live without them, and it makes you wonder what your future will be like.

There has been research that shows that getting a divorce is one of the most stressful moments in a person’s life. It also increases the chance of a person developing depression. And if someone that was already depressed, going through a divorce will most likely make it worse. 

What is Post-divorce depression?

Post-divorce depression is that period in which you feel emotionally affected by your divorce. Commonly, during this period you will feel overwhelmed about how your life will be. This expectation of the future, and the profound sense of loss, can cause you to develop Post-divorce depression.

In this period, you may find it harder to maintain your responsibilities. You may also want to avoid being close to family and friends, especially because the matter of the divorce may come up often. Your work product may not be as good as before, and you may even become more aggressive and pick fights with people.

Although Post-divorce depression is not a clinical condition, its symptoms of it can be similar to a depressive episode. It will usually go on until you start to integrate this change in your life, and begin to understand who you are after this divorce.

But in some cases, some people may have a harder time adjusting to the new reality, which can lead them to develop a clinical depressive episode. That is because traumatic situations, such as a divorce, can cause depression. 

You should keep in mind, as a way to observe how you feel, that depression will most likely make you lose interest in all aspects of your life, and to be diagnosed with it, you should experience its symptoms intensely for more than two weeks. 

But if you have gone through a divorce, know that there are some things you can do to cope with Post-divorce depression. Let’s discuss what they are.

What are ways to cope with Post-divorce depression? 

If you are going through, or just went through a divorce, know that there are ways to cope with it, that will make you feel better. 

Get help or support groups 

Depression can be so hard on you that having people you can talk to is important. You may want to go to therapy, and in that space discuss how you feel, and find some outlet for your anger and grief. Other people may feel more comfortable sharing with people that are going through similar things. 

For those, support groups may be a good way to go. They will open up about how divorce has been to them and will listen to what other people have been going through. This exchange will allow them to learn new strategies to cope with divorce, and what other possibilities they have in life.

Accept your feelings

Going through a divorce is difficult. You should allow yourself to grieve at the end of this relationship. Don’t blame yourself for what you could have done differently, keep in mind you both probably did all you could. Aside from that, let your feelings flow. Embrace the sadness, the crying. Know that this will pass.

But at this moment you need to allow yourself to feel. What you don’t externalize can make you feel even worse, so take your time to heal.

Write it out

Writing what you are feeling is also a great way to externalize it. The same way as therapy, the support groups, or letting your feelings flow. By doing so, you will also be able to look and read over what you are feeling, the may be an important instrument to validate what you are feeling. 

Move your body 

Exercising is always important, but when you are going through a stressful situation it becomes even more essential. Exercising will help reduce your stress levels, and it can also be a positive way to deal with the anger that the divorce may have brought you. 

Self-care

It may be hard at this moment to think about caring for yourself, but you should try to find ways to pamper yourself. Get a massage, or do things you enjoy. Take some time to focus your energy on yourself. This will help you recover your self-esteem, and understand that there is life after the divorce.

Discover what you want 

A divorce will make you lose a lot of plans and ideas you had for your future. You may have thought this relationship would last all your life, and had big expectations of the future. But now it is time to readjust.

Even if you do it in small steps, focus on what you want for yourself. Set new plans and goals and try to understand what is the best way to reach them.

Be around people

Although sometimes you may feel like being alone, try to be close to people you love. Keep yourself open to family and friends. You may want to share your feelings or not, but being around people at this moment will allow you to see how capable you are of making great bonds.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): How divorcing my spouse can make me depressed? 

What is situational depression?

Situational depression is a form of depression that comes as a reaction to a life-altering event. It can be because of grief, or even because of a divorce. It is when a person will feel symptoms of depression to adjust to their new life.

Situational depression is usually brief, and it goes on until the person comes to terms with their new life, and integrates this new event into the life they will have in the future. For example, after a divorce, the person will feel better from situational depression when they have made sense of the divorce and created a life for themselves.

Can a spouse make me depressed?

Yes, there may be a connection between relationships and depression. It may be that there are some difficult aspects of your relationship that can lead a person to depression. For example, if there is infidelity in a relationship, the person can feel so humiliated and betrayed that they come to develop depression.

Abusive situations, meaning when a partner is too controlling, possessive, or even isolates the other from their loved ones, can lead them to become depressed. Long-distance relationships and the challenges that come from them can also lead a person to depression.

When should I end my marriage?

Although ending a marriage is not always a simple thing, some signs will let you know it may be time to start considering it. The first of them is if you realize your partner is unwilling to communicate. 

If you feel that every time you try to share how you feel the become aggressive, or there is no response, you should start to ask yourself if there is any way this marriage will get better. 

Aside from that, if the communication usually only focuses on negative things, and you feel deep down that your relationship is unhealthy, it may be time to listen to that voice. If you have discussed how difficult things have been, and you realize they are not willing to look for help or to change, it is a clear sign there may not be a lot more to do.

And even though it may bring a lot of pain, you may want to start looking up information and find some support to understand how, when you are ready, you can ask for a divorce.

What is the walk-away wife syndrome?

This syndrome speaks to the period in which a woman may be considering ending her marriage, and at some point, the man will be caught off guard by her decision. This usually happens because women tend to be the emotional caretaker of the relationship.

But at some point, they start to ask for some attention from the man. They may see that as a complaint, or that the women keep nagging. Because of that, women will most likely refrain from asking anything, and will only start to think if this marriage is worth it. 

During this period, they may decide it isn’t, and they start to prepare themselves emotionally, and sometimes even financially to get out of the relationship. Once they have set everything, they will turn to their partners and ask them for divorce. 

Men will most likely be caught off guard by this, and say they never saw it coming. They may try to offer some ways to fix the relationship, but it may be too late, two men have usually emotionally detached from the relationship already.

What is emotional neglect in a relationship?

Emotional neglect implies that one, or both partners, don’t take any action in the relationship. The biggest sign that there is emotional neglect in relationships is when one of the partners doesn’t support the other, and it can lead them to feel like they are alone. 

Other signs of it are that you will prefer to spend time alone, rather than with your partner, and your partner shuts down when you want to talk. It may become unclear to you what your partner wants, and you are hardly seen in social situations as a couple.

If your partner is emotionally neglecting you, you may have a go-to person that is usually a friend, rather than your partner, and you may begin to feel like you can’t be yourself around them.

Conclusion 

This article showed how divorcing your spouse can make you depressed. It explained what Post-divorce depression is, and how it can make you feel. Aside from that, the article showed what are ways to cope with Post-divorce depression.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write them in the section below.

References

https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/depression-and-divorce
https://www.mhanational.org/separation-and-divorce
https://psychcentral.com/depression/ways-to-beat-depression-after-a-divorce

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