How can imposter syndrome affect your relationship?

This article will focus on discussing how imposter syndrome can affect your relationship. It will also explain how it can make you feel, and what are ways to cope with it.

How can imposter syndrome affect your relationship? 

Having imposter syndrome can affect your relationship. Here is what it can do.

It can make you act in ways to sabotage your relationship 

When you have imposter syndrome related to your relationship, it can lead you to behave in ways to sabotage your relationship and your happiness. You can feel like you don’t deserve the good that is happening to you, and you behave in ways to make it end.

It makes you not try as much as you could 

Having imposter syndrome can make you feel rejected all the time, and it causes you to not try as much as you could in a relationship, or even when the two of you are still dating. You can have thoughts that if they rejected you, at least you didn’t give all you could to that relationship.

It can help give you excuses 

Having imposter syndrome can help you give yourself excuses, especially when the relationship is close to an end. You can feel like there is nothing else to do, and just call it quits before even trying to work things out. It can also help you justify your shortcomings, instead of dealing with them.

It can make you have trouble trusting and think bad of your partner 

When you have imposter syndrome you can not understand why your partner is with you. You have such a negative view of yourself, that you don’t understand what the other person sees as positive in you.

This causes you to question your partner’s motives, think bad of them, and constantly worry that they are with you just to make a fool out of you, making it difficult for you to trust them. 

It can make you distant 

Having imposter syndrome makes you spend your life just waiting for the other shoe to drop. So you start to care for how much of yourself you put into the relationship, and you can begin to act distant. 

In time, your partner may get tired of you not letting yourself be vulnerable, and can even end the relationship. At that moment you will say to yourself that you were right by not letting them all the way in, making each relationship bound to end as soon as it starts.

It can make you defensive

You can be so worried about what your partner feels about you, and if it is true, you can become defensive around them. As soon as they begin to talk about something they are not happy about, you act as if they are attacking you, and quickly turn defensive instead of opening up and listening to what they have to say.

How imposter syndrome makes me feel in my relationship? 

When you have imposter syndrome, and you are in a relationship, it can affect how you feel, and see yourself. Here is what it does to you.

It makes you want to be perfect 

Having imposter syndrome will often make you want to be perfect. That is because you have the belief that unless you thrive for perfection other people won’t be around you, let alone want a relationship with you. 

What you fail to realize is that this pursuit for perfection can make it harder for people to approach you. This will also make you feel constantly anxious, and even depressed, since you will fear that your partner will, at some point, discover that you are not perfect.

It gives you insecurity 

Having imposter syndrome causes you to constantly doubt yourself. You can keep thinking that the life you are living is too good for you and that you don’t deserve it, so you are always just waiting for things to get worse.

It makes you ashamed 

Being close to others and vulnerable can make you feel ashamed. That is because they can trigger in you the feeling that you are not enough, and that your partner could leave you at any moment. In these cases, it can often feel like you are tricking the person to be with you.

It makes you fear rejection 

People with imposter syndrome will usually have an insecure attachment style, in most cases, the anxious attachment style will ultimately lead them to fear that the other person will reject them because they are not good enough.

It makes you feel worthless

People with low self-esteem will often develop imposter syndrome. When that is the case, you feel worthless, which causes you to feel that you don’t deserve the good you have in your life. 

How can I cope with imposter syndrome in my relationship? 

Dealing with imposter syndrome is not a simple thing. The first thing you should try to do has become aware of your negative thought patterns, and try to redirect them when you see that they are coming up. Working on boosting your self-esteem will also go a long way.

You should also try to talk to your partner about it and let them know of all your fears and insecurities. Trying to look at yourself through a more compassionate eye in which you identify, and embrace not only your shortcoming but also the positive things in you. 

In some situations, it may be difficult to deal with imposter syndrome in your relationship on your own. For that, you may need to look for professional help. It can be an individual therapist or even a couple’s therapist that can help you discover more of yourself than only the negative things you see.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): How can imposter syndrome affect your relationship? 

How can I help my partner that has imposter syndrome?

If you ever notice that your partner has posted syndrome involving your relationship, it may be important to know that there are ways for you to help them. First of all, you may want to encourage them to work through their thoughts and feelings, and let them know that there is no shame in looking for help.

You may help them deal with imposter syndrome as you show them you value them. You can do that by giving them compliments and showing them you appreciate them. It may also be important that you don’t keep comparing them to other partners you may have had, or even comparing the two of you.

It may be that the two of you have different jobs, and a huge discrepancy in your income, this should not be something that is continuously talked about. It is also important that you help your partner to set boundaries, and show them that you can deal with the nos they will tell you.

Can anyone develop imposter syndrome?

Yes, anyone can develop imposter syndrome. It is a term that was created in the 1970s, and back then it was used to refer to women that were reaching high-level positions, but still thought they didn’t deserve it, even more so for women of color.

But with time, the term began to be used by anyone that felt that they had no condition of occupying a position they had achieved. It may be easier to develop imposter syndrome when you have low self-esteem and decreased sense of self-worth.

What are things you should never say to someone that has imposter syndrome?

It may be important to be careful with what you say to someone that has imposter syndrome. You should be careful to not give them empty criticism.

This doesn’t mean you should always tell them they are right. But be sure, when giving them criticism, show them where you are coming from, and make sure to say it constructively. You should never tell them that something they have done is stupid, you just simply that they have failed.

Why am I sabotaging my relationship?

There may be some reasons why you are sabotaging your relationship. It can be connected to a trauma you have been through in your formative years. That is because being abused, or even neglected can make you feel like you shouldn’t trust anyone that gets too close to you.

It can also be connected to a fear that the person will abandon you, or even that the person will suffocate you if they get too close. Those are different sides of the same coin. And they can all show that a person has a fear of being intimate with others. 

You may also be sabotaging your relationship because you have been expecting unrealistic things from the relationship. And at any moment that reality shows its face, you can feel like you shouldn’t be in the relationship. 

It may also be connected to a lack of skills to deal with relationships, or even to low self-esteem, so you can begin to wonder why the person is still with you, and when it makes no sense as to why they are in that relationship, you will begin to sabotage the relationship.

Is imposter syndrome a form of mental illness?

No, imposter syndrome is not a form of mental illness. But it can be a common symptom.of.many mental health conditions such as depression, or even anxiety. This sense that you are not enough, or that the worst is just around the corner can be extremely intense in those conditions, making it easier for the person to develop imposter syndrome.

Can people overcome imposter syndrome?

Yes, people can overcome imposter syndrome. It can be a difficult, and intense process. The person may need to deal with traumas from their early years and learn new ways to connect to people. 

This is likely something that will require therapy, and as you change your patterns of relationship with others, and with the world around you, you can be free of the imposter syndrome that has been taking so much of you throughout your whole life.


This article explained how imposter syndrome can affect your relationship. It also showed how it can make you feel, and what are the best ways to cope with it.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write them qin the section below.