How can I end my toxic relationship?

This article will explain what you can do as you decide it is time to leave a toxic relationship. It will give you a brief explanation of what you can do as you realize it is time to go.

How can I end my toxic relationship? 

Ending a toxic relationship is extremely hard. It will often require a lot of willpower, and time. As you are beginning to ask yourself if the relationship is toxic, and if you should end it, keep in mind that it is not only a romantic relationship that can be toxic. 

You can have a toxic relationship with friends, co-workers, family members, and of course, a romantic partner. But here is what you should do if you are thinking about ending a romantic relationship.

Understand if you are in denial 

If you have a feeling that a relationship is toxic to you, the first thing you need to do is to accept the reality of it. That can be difficult since sometimes we may make a lot of excuses for the person. 

But facing reality, and stepping out of denial, is the first step to getting yourself out of the toxic relationship. It may be hard, but keep in mind that staying in a toxic relationship can have many negative impacts on you. Being in a relationship in which you feel harassed or abused can lead to stress, anxiety, and even depression.

Write it down 

Writing may be the easiest way to help you understand the toxic patterns of the relationship. Right down to the arguments that happen, how they make you feel, the reaction of the person, and how peace is once again established in the relationship.

There is no way you can deny your writings, and with time it may become clear to you that there is a toxic pattern to this relationship, and that it won’t be fixed. What you need to do is get out of it.

Having things written down is also a way that you can keep yourself encouraged to leave. Whenever you begin to ask yourself if leaving is the answer, you can go to those things you wrote and regain your courage.

Identify if there are perks to the toxic relationship 

Every toxic relationship offers some sort of perk to the person. Even if it is bad for you, at some moment, or in some sense, it can have some perks. It can be that it is a relationship that gives you financial stability, or that gives you company, so you don’t feel lonely.

Identifying the perks of your toxic relationship will help you understand why it is so hard to leave this relationship behind. That is something that you need to face before ending the toxic relationship, so you don’t go back to it as soon as you see yourself without the perks it used to bring.

Learn how to deal with the emptiness 

As said before, there are usually perks to a toxic relationship. So as you are leaving it, you need to learn how to deal with the emptiness this relationship will leave. If the toxic relationship offers you financial stability, you need to understand what are other ways to have that.

If it was something that was preventing you from being lonely, it may be important to fill your life with more positive relationships, but also learn how to deal with your sense of loneliness. Depending on others to fill us up is something that will easily make us more susceptible to a toxic relationship.

Have positive relationships

Having the life relationships that you see as positive may be extremely helpful to get you out of a toxic relationship. It is through a compare and contrast exercise that you will notice just how toxic the relationship is, and realize that you don’t need that in your life.

You have other people with whom you have a positive relationship, that will surely make you feel better than the toxic relationship ever did.

Make positive notes to self 

As you are stepping out of the toxic relationship, you may begin to doubt yourself a lot. Toxic relationships will usually do that to people. They will make you feel as if you are not capable of having any other relationship that is as good as that. 

It makes you feel like you are not worthy of a caring and supportive relationship. So as you are getting out of that pattern, make yourself some positive notes that will help you remind yourself that you are worth it and that you have better relationships.

Recognize your efforts 

Leaving a toxic relationship is something that will take a lot of your effort. As you are working to get yourself out, and as you manage to stay out, remember to congratulate yourself.

There is so much emotional struggle involved in a toxic relationship, that very few people understand how hard it is to walk away. Recognize your efforts and all you have done so far.

Deal with the guilt 

Toxic relationships will often lead to an overwhelming sense of guilt. As you are in the relationship you will face the guilt that will lead you to stay in it. But as you get out, the guilt can manifest itself as you ask yourself how you could have stayed so long.

You may also feel guilty about hurting the other person as you get out of the relationship. But keep in mind that there is a reason why you left. And it may have taken so much time to get out, but it is normal to understand the toxic relationship pattern.

So dealing with the guilt is what will prevent you from going back to that pattern. If you don’t you may see yourself going back there just as a way to not hurt the other person. 

Give yourself time

As you are out of a toxic relationship, the most important thing to do is to give yourself time. You need time to heal, take a deep breath, and go back to life. Understand that getting out of a toxic relationship can even lead you to experience withdrawal from the person, and the relationship.

But as with other withdrawals, this will need time, and support, but you will, ultimately, heal.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): How can I end my toxic relationship? 

What are the signs of a toxic relationship?

A toxic relationship is not only one in which there is physical or emotional abuse. It can also be one that you feel is no longer healthy for you. In it, you can feel that you and your partner have lost all intimacy, and no longer support each other. 

You can also feel that the two of you are not putting in the effort to make the relationship work and that you are just going through the motions.

Aside from that, you can feel that your partner doesn’t respect you anymore and that you are no longer each other’s priority. As you go through difficult times, you will realize that both of you, or one of you, is never willing to make a compromise, instead, the argument just turns into an endless blame game.

Aside from that, a toxic relationship is one in which one of the partners is extremely controlling of the other. And they are not willing to discuss, adapt, or make compromises. Finally, it is a clear sign of a toxic relationship if there is any abuse in it, be it physical, or emotional.

When is it time to end a toxic relationship?

It is time to end a toxic relationship when you feel that your needs are not being met, or even listened to. Which will often lead you to look for the satisfaction of those needs in other places. 

It may also be time to leave your toxic relationship when you realize that you are becoming more and more isolated because of it and that your friends and family have trouble with your partner, and don’t support the relationship.

If you feel you are scared of asking for more from your partner, it can be a clear sign that it is time to go, as well as when you feel you are obligated to stay because otherwise something bad will happen to you, or your partner is posting threats that they will harm themselves if you leave.

Should I stay in my relationship even if I know it is toxic?

Staying or ending a relationship is a personal matter. And it is hard to determine when someone should end a relationship. But keep in mind that if you are in a toxic relationship, and the two of you are not addressing this matter, there is no way this will change from one moment to the next.

You should also have in mind that a toxic relationship will often harm your mental health, as it can lead to anxiety, depression, and sometimes even PTSD. So in a way caring for yourself physically, and emotionally, may be important to get out of this toxic relationship.

You should only keep in it if the two of you acknowledge what is happening, come to terms with how the relationship is, and look for ways to deal. It can be through couple’s therapy, and through improving your communication skills.

What can I do if a friend is in a toxic relationship?

It can be extremely hard to witness someone you love going through a toxic relationship. You may feel the urge to just break them up, but you feel that if you come too strong, and tell your friend as it is, your relationship will suffer.

And that is true. When someone close to you is in a toxic relationship, the best you can do is be by their side. But that doesn’t mean you should agree with everything. As you see what is happening, let them know, little by little, that you think this relationship is toxic to them. 

Can a toxic relationship lead to PTSD?

Yes, a toxic relationship can lead to PTSD. Like any other form of trauma, that can lead to the condition, going through a toxic relationship can have such a negative impact on the person, that it can lead them to develop PTSD.

Conclusion 

This article showed what you can do as you are deciding it is time to leave your toxic relationship behind.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write them in the section below.

References

https://psychcentral.com/blog/steps-to-end-a-toxic-relationship#recap

https://www.choosingtherapy.com/how-to-leave-a-toxic-relationship/