How can I deal with my narcissist ex-husband?

This article will show you what are the best ways for you to deal with a narcissistic ex-husband. It will also give you some insight into how a narcissist works.

How can I deal with my narcissist ex-husband? 

Being in a marriage with a narcissist can be an intense experience. Deciding to end it, and now having a narcissist ex-husband may be something you will need to learn how to deal with. You may have children together, or even estates, so having a good relationship may be a way to preserve your emotional health.

Here are the best ways for you to deal with your narcissist ex-husband.

Be in contact only when it is necessary 

If you have an ex that is a narcissist, you may want to delimit the time you spend with them. You should try and do that to prevent yourself from being sucked into the old relationship patterns, which can take a lot from you emotionally.

So make a plan to only talk when it is necessary. If you have children together, make it a point that once a month, for example, the two of you will discuss the matter related to the child. This prevents them from just popping up in your house.

Prefer to talk virtually 

To keep the communication goal-oriented, you may want to talk to them only through email and text. This will help you get some distance, and prevent you from being sucked into the scene that narcissists will often try to set.

But when it is necessary to do so face to face, remain calm 

If it is something that needs to be discussed face to face, such as an appointment with the divorce lawyers, try to remain calm. Narcissists can often try to make you lose control. 

They are extremely manipulative and may feed on you entering a discussion with them. If you don’t surrender to that and remain calm, they won’t know what to do.

Don’t surrender to their love bombing 

Sometimes, when the narcissist realizes they are not having an impact on you by trying to make a scene or arguing, they will try to do so by love bombing you. They can begin to praise you and talk about how much they miss you.

But the main goal here is to get you back to their control. If they have the slight belief that you are still open to getting back to them, they may try everything as a way to get back their control over you.

Don’t go off-topic 

When you need to interact with your narcissistic ex-husband, you should make a point of not going into other matters. They may start to ask about how your life is, what you have been doing, or even tell you how they miss you.

By asking all that, they are often trying to get more and more information from your life. To a narcissist, information is power. Knowing what is happening in your life, and feeling that you are open to sharing that with them, makes them feel incredibly special.

Be kind and firm during the conversation 

It may be a hard balance to find. But you should be always arguing with the narcissist. Sometimes they can feed on that. But you should be firm, and not surrender to their attempts to take the conversation elsewhere. Little by little you may begin to get an understanding of how to do that.

Have clear boundaries 

This will be extremely helpful to you. Have in the back of your mind a list of the topics that you can discuss with your narcissist husband, and what are the ones that you should never discuss with them. And if they ever attempt to step out of line, you can firmly direct them back to the matter at hand.

Don’t digress 

To try and make you open yourself up again, your narcissistic ex-husband may want to bring up stories from your past. They may begin to talk about the good memories, or even tell you that they are taking responsibility for their past mistakes.

This is usually a manipulative tactic they will use to make it seem like they have grown, and that you can trust them again. Don’t allow the conversation to get to this point. And keep saying that the past is the past.

Don’t fuel arguments 

Narcissists want attention, it doesn’t matter how it comes. It can be by being affectionate or even by fighting. When you are fighting with them, it shows them that you are still willing to spend time and energy in that relationship.

So if you start a discussion on a matter, try to remain neutral, and find the best solution, but don’t waste your time discussing it over and over with him.

Don’t apologize 

Keep in mind that you should never apologize for what they have done to you. In the attempt to get on your good side again, your narcissist ex-husband may try to show how they made mistakes, but how they were a reaction to what you caused them.

Keep clear that you are not responsible for their actions, and that they acted the way they did because they wanted to. Don’t apologize.

Don’t make excuses for them 

And try to not make excuses for their behaviors. They will do that all the time but know that your ex-husband is a narcissist. If you start making excuses for him, there is a huge chance you may begin to be more flexible towards them.

Narcissists are pros in sucking people back in, and if you lose track of who they are in reality, you become easy prey for them.

Keep your focus on what you want 

You were married to a narcissist, and thankfully you managed to get yourself out of that relationship. Now that this difficult part is done, try to always have in mind what you wish for yourself in the future. Having this perspective will make it harder for you to fall into their attempts to suck you back in.

Look for help

Getting out of a relationship with a narcissist can be a traumatic experience. If you feel like this is taking a toll on your mental health, look for professional help. That may be important in recovering, and rebuilding your self-esteem, and your sense of self.

What does it mean to be a narcissist? 

Narcissism can happen on a spectrum. But it can be that a person has some narcissistic traits, or even that they have a narcissistic personality disorder. Depending on which part of the spectrum the person is in, their signs of narcissism can be more intense or not.

But a narcissistic person is usually one that will have a high sense of importance and will think they are grand. They will feed on being admired by others, that is why they will always try to impress them.

Because they think they are so good, and special, they will often want to be treated differently from others. That can often cause people around to think they are arrogant. But at the same time, they are people that can be extremely seductive, and to make people admire them, they will often be well-groomed.

Because they have no empathy and think of themselves as the most important person in the world, it may be hard to have a relationship with them, since they will have trouble considering your needs.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): How can I deal with my narcissist ex-husband? 

Is there a cure to being a narcissist?

No, there is no cure to being a narcissist. But going through treatment is something that will often help the narcissist in life and their relationships. In that process, they will learn how to deal with the high expectations they have of others, and on themselves.

They will be able to realize that they are not perfect, and will be brought to think about more realistic goals for themselves, which can help them have a more caring view of who they are. 

Although there is no medication to treat narcissistic personality disorder, some of them may need medication to help with conditions that they will often go through such as anxiety, and depression.

How can I make a narcissist feel bad?

Although they act so self-assured, some things will make a narcissist feel bad, one of them is not giving them enough attention. Aside from that, doing things they don’t like, or showing them that they have no control over you can often make them feel miserable.

Discussing matters more logically, showing them facts, and having critical thinking can also make them feel bad, as they feel they won’t be able to manipulate you. The same happens when you act spontaneously, and they can’t predict you, or when you set firm boundaries with them.

Seeing other people succeed, or going through financial problems that will show them they are not perfect is also something that will make the narcissist completely miserable.

Do narcissists regret getting divorced?

Even if they are the ones that have asked for the divorce, it can be that they will come to regret it, not because they miss you, or the relationship the two of you had, but mostly that, once they are faced with the loss of control over you, they will not take it lightly. And this can lead them to go after you even when they decide to end the relationship.

What is the biggest fear of a narcissist?

The biggest fear of a narcissist is that they will be completely alone. Seeing themselves in a situation in which they can’t find people to admire, and value them, will often cause them to feel like the worst person on the planet.

That is a clear sign of how fragile the self-assurance of a narcissist is. They can show themselves as the most powerful person, but without anyone to give them the applause, they will likely perish.

Why do narcissists fight so much during the divorce?

Narcissists will likely drag out the process of the divorce so they can keep you tangled with them. It is a way that they can feel like they can control you. So they will make it go on for as far as they can.


This article showed you what are the best ways for you to deal with your narcissistic husband. It also gave a brief explanation of what it means to be a narcissist.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write them in the section below.


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