Grey Rock Method for Narcissists (A Comprehensive Guide)

Narcissism is a personality disorder in which a person’s personality deviates from the mean of the population.

Narcissist individual often displays a pattern of inconsistent attention that leads to the longing to be well-regarded by their surroundings. They faced trouble in bearing disapprovals or negative comments about themselves.

They are usually well-known as having the characteristics of magnificent, distrustful and pessimistic, arrogant, calculating, and also want to govern others that surround them such as the colleagues in an office and the partner in their relationship.

Although it is well-known that having a narcissist as a partner is a challenge itself so the best solution to escape from this trouble is to prefer the terminating the interaction, unfriendliness, and focus on getting the redemption as soon as possible. 

When people are unable to escape from a narcissist. The grey rock method narcissist is considered as the ideal way in order to balance life again.

Grey Rock Method Narcissist

The best way to gain relaxation in life after being in a relationship with a narcissist is to use the technique of Grey rock method narcissist.

The meaning of this term is to change your attitude toward them such as becoming a person who is unsympathetic and dull or not interested in narcissist needs and desires.

Grey rock method narcissist allows you to control yourself in nourishing narcissist wishes of gaining attention by creating drama and showing kindness, don’t exhibit your emotions in front of them because they may use them in order to control you,  whenever they try to find out something personal about you prefer to change the topic to convert their attention, try not to ask any question related to narcissist rather than avoid to take part in any conversation with them only answer when it’s really necessary such as provide only short-term realistic responses by off-putting your answer in the form of nodding, use the word maybe and response in a way that you are unfamiliar about the situation or topic they are talking about.

Lastly and most importantly if you have a narcissist as a partner “Grey rock method narcissist” suggest you to become unpleasant and natural so that narcissist start to believe that they lack the ability to govern you and will gain no pleasure in this relationship.

Grey rock method narcissist gives you very simple techniques so that a narcissist loses his interest in you because of your dull and unresponsive attitude toward their desires rather than, they started to look for someone that can fulfill their basic needs.

Grey rock method narcissists also suggest that narcissists use different techniques in order to get your response by accusing you of various things.

If you want redemption to say nothing in return rather than accept that blame because when your response is everything that gives them power once they receive your nonresistance attitude as a response for them they may start to think about different schemes for you or try to find others.

Grey rock method narcissist comes with the idea to fix the narcissist into the background just like a simple grey rock of somewhere.

Time to use Grey rock method narcissist

Grey rock method narcissist is the ideal way for any situation such as dealing with the conflict in a professional setting and trouble in a dating relationship.

Especially when people left you with the purpose to make you feel inferior such as co-parenting.

Consider the example of a married couple, when a partner wants a divorce from others they do not have a number of complaints from their partner but still want to take divorce doesn’t matter how much he\she struggles to maintain the relationship (neglecting themselves and starting to behave in the way their partner wants).

At that point Grey rock method narcissist suggests that stop trying to beg for the relationship rather than leave them the way they are and take steps for yourself and focus to become stronger on your own it will convey a message to narcissists that they should try to govern others because the plan is failed on you.

Consider another example if your partner cheats you with some other guy or girl and say it openly in front of you.

You really don’t need a reaction in return to his/her disloyalty rather than allow him/her to do what they want so that they can clean their mess on their own. 

If you want to enjoy your freedom again that is destroyed after being in a relationship with a sociopath or narcissist then Grey rock method narcissist suggest you continue your unresponsiveness as a reaction to their conversation in a little while they may seem as exhausted by your unresponsiveness and do what you want (escape from the relationship or improving it). 

Threats While Using Gray Rock Method Narcissist

Grey rock method narcissist no doubt is an ideal way of dealing with a narcissist because some responses give narcissist a clue to continue their desires or work as a counterproductive response such as giving clarification after any accused put on you, showing disagreement with narcissist point of view, and showing the feeling of satisfaction of whatever narcissist did or want.

Grey rock method narcissists also have some risks such as you should be prepared for every consequence especially when you want narcissist to love your unresponsiveness may give them an indication that they can’t control you and search for someone else also your relationship may end abruptly even if you want to continue it.

 Furthermore, the Grey rock method narcissist also guides you from every tactic the narcissist uses to gain a response from you that gives them assurance of their ability to govern you.

In order to escape from a narcissist, you must maintain your unresponsiveness for any situation such as anger, verbal abuse, disgraceful allegations, insults, and envious aggravations. 

The behavior of narcissists can be compared with the children who show a tantrum when they don’t get what they want and irritate you by this tantrum and if you give a response in return they will behave the same way in other situations too but, if you ignore them they understand that this technique will not work on you.

Grey rock method narcissist suggests that if your partner is quite violent then your response doesn’t matter for him/her because a violent partner not actually waiting for a reason to take out their anger rather than start the violent and abusive behavior abruptly also provide groundless reasons for such behaviors.

In this condition, the most preferable way is to set some boundaries between you and your pattern, take a stand for yourself to oppose the violent behavior, and also take the necessary measure to secure yourself.

The Unseen Vulnerability of Grey Rock Method Narcissist

Although there is an unseen risk while using the technique of Grey rock method narcissist. Which is reported by the clients while practicing it with their partner.

There is a threat that you may misplace the association between your feelings, logging, and requirements because you become too busy with your partner’s needs and desires and how to maintain the relationship that directly affects you in a way that you ignore your personal needs and also sometimes destroy your beliefs and emotions.

This means that you actually the person who destroys mentally such as detachment from your own thoughts and emotion makes you feel like an alien for your real self and causes a traumatic effect on you.

To avoid such situations, prefer to be aware of your inner self and never withdraw from your social circle just to fulfill your partner’s needs.  

Grey rock method narcissists claim to overcome your instinctive desires of love, relationship, dependency, empathy, sympathy, people’s pleasure, and kindness.

The more you gain the ability to behave in an invisible way the more you learn about freedom and becoming stronger on their own.

It also teaches you to focus on your present feelings rather than focusing on your unmet childhood need of love and causing traumatization.

This technique has the risk of denial and sacrifice for one’s self and also not a safe technique to fulfill your desires.

Grey rock method narcissist is best for divorce and breakups with narcissists. But if you do not want such things due to their personal reasons such as emotional attachment, always consider the risk of getting back in the same position from where you started. 

Grey rock method narcissism can also cause disruption for your instinctive desire and have a direct effect on your performance while implementing it so it’s better to consult with the counselor to overcome your emotional instability.

However, Grey rock method narcissist can be considered a bad idea for a long term effect such as if you don’t want to live together with your partner but share the child custody with him/her or don’t want to have any communication with your partner but work at the same place.

So the better solution is to always set the boundary while dealing with the partner’s bad behavior and use different techniques to deal with narcissists.

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FAQ about Grey rock method narcissist

What is a flying monkey narcissist?

Flying monkey is actually a perfect word that is used in psychology especially while mentioning the narcissist’s personality and behavior.

It includes the people who do not actually have a narcissistic personality but work for them as a third party.

Consider the example of those people in a group who run the insulting operation against you although they don’t have any personal problem with you.  

What is a mild narcissist?

Narcissism is an instinctive nature of some people to gain attention from others, want to be acknowledged and admired from their family and friend circle, feeling of superiority, the need to gain success and popularity among others.

This trait exists to some extent in every human being but in the case of a narcissist, the tendency of such characteristics cross the mild level and exist at a higher level.

How do you handle a narcissist?

Here are some best ways claimed by the Grey rock method narcissist that can be used to handle the narcissist’s personality.

·         Show them your power and abilities and gave a shut-up message in a way they understand it clearly rather than being argumentative and fight for a stupid reason because it only makes the situation worse.

– In the case of a narcissist’s boss, you have to know that you will get paid for your hard work and don’t expect much from them such as expecting that they pay you fairly and don’t need to show your capabilities.

– Get some knowledge about them from their colleagues and other workers in the office because they always wanted to give a positive impression to others about them as they are very kind, affectionate, and loving people.

– Never forget the boundary between you and others and make your emotions and feelings as a priority rather than suppress your feelings to gain other’s attention.

What we recommend for Relationship & LGBTQ issues

Relationship counselling

  • If you are having relationship issues or maybe you are in an abusive relationship then relationship counselling could be your first point of call. Relationship counselling could be undertaken by just you, it does not require more than one person.

LGBTQ issues

If you are dealing with LGBTQ issues then LGBTQ counselling may be a great option for you. Maybe you are confused as to your role and identity or simply need someone to speak to. LGBTQ counsellors are specially trained to assist you in this regard.


Lancer, D. (2019). Is a Gray Rock Strategy Advisable?. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 8, 2020, from

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