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Friends who abandon you in hard times?

In this guide, we will  try to answer your question ‘Why do friends abandon you in hard times?’ Moving on, the guide also answers the question of what is it called when a friend abandons you, are they really your friends if they abandon you in a hard time,s and how to cope with your friend abandoning you in hard times. 

Why do friends abandon you in hard times?

Three vital reasons why friends abandon you in hard times:

  • People do not like trauma 
  • They are not your true friend
  • Your journeys are not the same forever 

We have all been stood by a friend during our hard times. Say, for example, you have just recently broken up, or have to leave a job, or even that you have a chronic illness. You expect your friends to be there for you no matter what time of the day. You may want to call them and help you with your problems, need their shoulder to cry on.

But to your surprise, they may not be there for you. Now with the problem, you are facing, you are also grieving the loss of your friend. You are wondering why would your friends abandon you during these hard times when you need them the most? You probably start thinking that you were wrong somewhere, you must have done something to upset them. However, this might not be the case. 

Here are a few reasons why your friends abandoned you in hard times 

People do not like trauma 

Psychologists come to believe that people do not like facing trauma. They would rather grieve for your death but stay with you while facing trauma. This may sound absurd, but it does make sense. When you are going through something, the other person may not be obliged to be there for you. They a,y already be facing issues in their lives. With your issue, it may be difficult for them to manage their mental peace. Therefore, it might be best for them to avoid you during these times. 

They are not your true friend

One of the most obvious reasons could be that they are probably not the friends you thought they were. You might have made a wrong judgment. People usually escape from situations that require some sort of sacrifice or compromise. You might have assumed that they would be there for you irrespective of what you are going through, but much to your astonishment, they abandon you. Because they probably never felt so deeply for you. They might have certainly shown you that you are a good friend or acquaintance, but they never meant that. Therefore, they may either come up with reasons or just plainly abandon you during difficult times. 

Your journeys are not the same forever 

It is not necessary that once a person comes into your life they will stay forever. Perhaps your road was veering slightly to the left, while theirs was carrying on straight. That isn’t good or bad. That is simply, life. That is how it is sometimes when you see a storm coming by, you always try to avoid walking into it.  Your best friend too might have done that. They had to choose a different course than yours for their own reasons whatsoever. As we live and grow, we evolve. Our journeys become different. Certain small heartbreaks happen for a bigger cause. We may not understand those at this given point, but those reasons do show up when they have to. So stay patient!

However, whatever the reason it would be certainly wrong for your friend to plainly abandon you during hard times. Cutting off people from your life, only because you do not want to face certain consequences might be cowardly. instead, given the reason mentioned above, it is always better to at least mention it to your friends that you will be unable to help, instead of abandoning them. This is not for love or your friendship, but for humanity itself. 

What is it called when friends abandon you in hard times? 

When your friend completely abandons you during hard times for no reason whatsoever, it is called ghosting. You may call up your friend and tell them the most life-shattering problem. They may offer you their help, and then never show up. They may play pretend to be your friends, while they are not and just abandon you. 

Ghosting means still not saying anything negative. Someone called this “stamp collecting.” When a person you’re close to does something you don’t like, you say nothing, but put a stamp in your book. When the page is filled with stamps, you slam it shut and throw the book at them.

Are they actually friends if they abandon you during hard times? 

We have all had friends who we think are the closest to us, who we would give our lives for. But when it comes to facing the hard times. They disappear. 

When you need someone the most, they leave your back for various reasons possible. Suddenly the most important people in your life are nowhere to be known. From texts daily to texting once a week to complete abandonment, you this person. 

You realize that only at the moment that you needed them the most, they leave you. It is not a mere castaway, like forgetting to return a call or unable to send a birthday gift. In fact, it is at a time when you have got hard, sad, and soul-breaking news. Only when you need your friends to help you pick up those pieces that have been shattered, they are gone!

Well, it is certain that those who cannot stay with you no matter what the reason is, may not be your true friends. Hard times are certainly challenging but sometimes are a blessing in disguise. One can understand who is their true friends, or who is going to be there for them during the hard times. These times will open eyes to the fakeness portrayed by your friends. 

How to cope with friends abandoning you in hard times?

Here are few ways to cope with friends abandoning you in hard times. 

Allow yourself to grieve

Losing a friend is equally heartbreaking as losing a loved one, if not more. The person you thought would be there for you no matter what hour of the day is suddenly a complete stranger to you. Understand that grieving is an entirely natural and appropriate response to this painful situation. Allow yourself the time you need to grieve the loss of your friend. However, do not fall into despair. Try to make sure that you accept the situation for what it is. Grieving is right. But only to an extent. If you start to revolve your life around this one incident, then you might require some additional help. 

Ask for help 

It is quite normal to lose people in your life. But it is very saddening to have been abandoned by your best friend at hard times. However, acceptance is the key to your problem. In any case, you feel that the entire abandonment is taking a serious toll on you, you can certainly visit a counselor. Mental health professionals are not only present for treating mental health disorders, but also to help you cope with everyday problems like this. There is no shame in asking help from a mental health professional when you are abandoned by a friend during hard times. Coping in the right way is very important to resolve the further complications that might follow such emotionally wrecking scenarios. Therefore, talking to a counselor will always give you an outside perspective, a perspective that you might be looking for. 

Do not beat yourself up 

Oftentimes people belives that if a friend has abandoned them, it is probably because they have done something wrong. This could be the case. But if everything was alright and suddenly for no reason your friend abandons you during hard times, remember you are not at fault here. Your friend is abandoning you for her own reasons and not because you did something wrong. Therefore, having got this straight, you will be able to move on from your break up with your friend. If you keep blaming yourself for reasons not known to you, it will only add to your despair and nothing else. 

Acceptance and forgiveness 

Coping with the fact that your friend has abandoned you in your hard times, requires the strength to accept it. After grieving and feeling the loss of it, it is important that you get up and accept that this person is no more present in your life. If you continue to engage in wishful thinking, for instance, you might hope that they will come back to you and apologize, this might not happen. This wishful thinking will only break your heart more. Therefore it is important that you acknowledge and accept the fact that you are no more friends with them. 

Once you accept, it will be easier for you to forgive them too. Sometimes forgiveness is not for the other person, but for your own entail peace. Once you truly forgive someone for their wrongdoing, you will realize that a heavy burden is taken off your chest. Forgiving someone will only make you deal with the situation better. It is not wrong to say that acceptance and forgiveness are the vital stages to move on from a friendship that is broken. 

Make new friends and nurture the others 

Just because one friendship did not work out, it does not mean that others won’t too. Get yourself out there, interact with new people, and make new friends. The more you hang out with other people, the better you will feel. You might have other friends too. Develop your relationship with them. Call them over to your place, go out with them. Do things of mutual interest. This way you will nurture your existing friendships. Doing so will genuinely help you with coping with the loss of a friend who abandoned you during hard times. 

Conclusion 

In this guide, we have tried to answer your question ‘Why do friends abandon you in hard times?’ Moving on, the guide also answered the question of what is it called when a friend abandons you, are they really your friends if they abandon you in a hard time,s and how to cope with your friend abandoning you in hard times. 

FAQs: Friends who abandon you in hard times

How do you know when a friendship is over?

One of the most important sign is the amount you share with each other. Due to whatever circumstances, be it a major change in life events or the mere fact that you do not gel with each other anymore, you may drift and have nothing or very little to talk about. This is a sign o that your friendship is over. 

When should you walk away from a friendship?

Friendships are the purest and cherishable form of a relationship. You may want to maintain a friendship because this person has always been there for you, however, you need to differentiate between a toxic friendship and a real friendship. If your overall happiness or self-esteem is compromised, it is time for you to walk away from that friendship. 

How do you accept a friendship is over?

Here are fives ways you can accept that a friendship is over 

Don’t take it personally. 
Create some kind of closure.
Keep on loving. 
Concentrate on something new. 
Allow yourself time to grieve

References 

https://thoughtcatalog.com/j-s-von-dacre/2016/10/why-people-disappear-when-you-need-them-the-most/

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/friendship-breakup-advice

https://pairedlife.com/friendship/How-to-Handle-It-When-A-Friend-Cuts-You-Off

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Daniela Paez is a Clinical Psychologist with an MSc. In Clinical Neuropsychology from Bangor University. She has vast experience in working with children with disabilities, adolescents and their families, in extreme conditions of poverty and vulnerability. Additionally, she owns a private practice where she provides neuropsychological evaluation for children and adults, and treatment for mood disorders, anxiety, couple therapy, among other conditions.