Everything I do is wrong, everyone hates me (What to do?)
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OptimistMinds
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Author bio
The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material.
In this blog post, we will try to understand what it means to feel everything I do is wrong and everyone hates me. We have also will learn about cognitive distortions and types. Lastly, we will discuss different things to do to overcome the feeling ‘everyone hates me’.
Everything I do is wrong everyone hates me
Have you ever felt that everything you do is wrong and everyone hates you? Such thoughts are usually classified as cognitive distortions. Cognitive distortions are irrational patterns of thinking that distort your reality. This kind of thought process certainly lakes logic and evidence. These are the biased perspective that convinces our minds to think something that is not true.
People experience cognitive distortions every now and then but if not controlled they may lead to anxiety and other mental-related issues.
In having said that everything you do is wrong and everyone hates you can be the result of a few different distortions such as
- Catastrophizing
- Personalization
- Mind reading
- All or nothing thinking
Catastrophizing refers to a cognitive disorder where one may assume the worst that has happened for instance if do not hear back from anyone for a day or two you start imagining that they hate you or do not want to hang out with you.
Personalization refers to common errors in thinking where an individual takes things personally that are not connected to them. For example, if a person denies to hang out with you for their own personal reasons you think they do not want to hang out with you because they hate you.
Mind-reading. When people assume they know what others are thinking they use the most common cognitive distortion of mind-reading. Such people assume that people have negative thoughts about them or hate them even though they have never said anything to make them feel so.
All or none thinking also called polarized thinking is a distortion that occurs in people normally think in extremes. For example, assume that people in life love them or hate them. Incase they are really annoyed with or without any reason they are more likely to take that you hate them and want nothing to do with them
Do such cognitive distortions in thoughts mean a person has mental disorders?
It is not necessary that a person with cognitive distortions have a severe mental illness. Distortions are very common in nature. Although cognitive distortions are symptoms of some mental illnesses like
- Depression
- Paranoia
- Paranoid personality disorder
- bipolar disorder
Depression: depression is the most common mental disorder that exists in the world. Globally more than 254 million people suffer from depression. Symptoms of depression include hopelessness, feeling sad worthless, or guilty constant irritability, and restlessness. People with depression commonly fall prey to the cognitive distortions mentioned above. With the sense of self had reduced they look at other people to make them feel worthy. When a person does not meet their needs of making them feel what the day starts to believe that they are not important to the person.
Symptoms of Major depressive mood disorder are as follows:
- Depressed mood, such as feeling sad, empty, hopeless, or tearful (in children and teens, depressed mood can appear as irritability)
- Marked loss of interest or feeling no pleasure in all — or almost all — activities
- Significant weight loss when not dieting, weight gain, or decrease or increase in appetite (in children, failure to gain weight, as expected, can be a sign of depression)
- Either insomnia or sleeping too much
- Either restlessness or slowed behavior
- Fatigue or loss of energy
- Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt
- Decreased ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness
- Thinking about, planning, or attempting suicide
Paranoia: This is a feeling of being threatened when a person thinks that someone is watching them and there is even though there is no evidence for the same. It happens to a lot of people at some point. Clinical Paranoia is a rare mental health condition where a person starts to believe that everyone is lying to them or coming to harm them with no proof. In such a scenario it is possible for people to think that everything they do is wrong and everyone hates them.
Symptoms of paranoia include:
- Being defensive, hostile, and aggressive
- easily offended
- Believing you are always right and having trouble relaxing or letting your guard down
- Not being able to compromise, forgive, or accept criticism.
- Not being able to trust or confide in other people.
- Reading hidden meanings into people’s normal behaviors.
Paranoid personality disorder: Paranoid personality disorder is a cluster A personality disorder involving odd and eccentric ways of thinking. People with paranoid personality disorders suffer from extreme Paranoia mistrust and suspicion of others without any evidence.
A few symptoms of paranoid personality disorder include:
- Doubt the commitment, loyalty, or trustworthiness of others, believing others are using or deceiving them
- Are reluctant to confide in others or reveal personal information due to a fear that the information will be used against them
- Are unforgiving and hold grudges
- Are hypersensitive and take criticism poorly
- Read hidden meanings in the innocent remarks or casual looks of others
- Perceive attacks on their character that are not apparent to others; they generally react with anger and are quick to retaliate
- Have recurrent suspicions, without reason, that their spouses or lovers are being unfaithful
- Are generally cold and distant in their relationships with others, and might become controlling and jealous
- Cannot see their role in problems or conflicts and believe they are always right
- Have difficulty relaxing
- Are hostile, stubborn, and argumentative
Bipolar disorder: Bipolar disorder is a common mood disorder, where the individual experiences a constant shift in the mood. People living with bipolar disorder are happy one minute and depressed the other. When they are in a manic state of mind, they think everything they do is right and everyone loves them, right. But in a depressed state of mind, they think everything they do is wrong and everyone hates them. The symptoms of a depressed episode of bipolar disorder are similar to the symptoms of major depressive disorder mentioned above.
It is not necessary that people who think everything I do is wrong and everyone hates me have mental disorders. It is quite possible that such thinking maybe a result of a particular personality type, low self-esteem, and dreadful experiences in childhood.
Things to do if you feel everything I do is wrong everyone hates me
Here is a list of things you can do if you feel everything you do is wrong and everyone hates me, given by Dr.Cheng.
- Be around positive and supportive people.
- Engage in doing what you love
- Journal your interactions with others
- Exercise
- Remember your achievements
- Be your own cheerleader
- Help someone else
Be around positive and supportive people: To increase your self-esteem it is needed to you are around people that you love. Cut out toxic people from your life. People who look down on you and make you feel less. Keep people who love you unconditionally and shower you with support and positivity.
Engage in doing what you love: if you do not feel like talking to someone, do something that you enjoy. Watching a Disney movie, painting, drawing, that makes you filled with joy. This can help you feel more comfortable with yourself.
Journal your interactions with others: keeping a journal of social interactions can make it easy to remember what exactly the conversation was about. our brains are designed to give more weight to bad encounters than good ones.keeping a journal helps you realize that many people responded to you in a really positive way.
Exercise: Cheng recommends exercise as it not only makes our body stronger but also our mind fitter. Any physical activity can make you feel more confident. This in turn helps you feel better about yourself. Once you start feeling good about yourself, you will realize that no one hates you. It is like they say others think of you, the way you think of yourself.
Remember your achievements: Remember that not all you do is wrong. You have made various decisions in life and they all been successful. Keep a track of your achievements in both personal and professional life. With increasing self-esteem, it also helps us understand that we are not always wrong.
Be your own cheerleader: it is important that if you want people to love you, you start loving yourself first. Make sure you engage in self-care activities that make you feel loves. If you hate yourself, it becomes hard for others to love you. Celebrate the smallest victories of life.
In addition to these self-care activities, it is also important that your cognitive distortions are broken. If not done, they may start to hinder your daily functioning.
In situations where you start feeling that everyone hates me, make sure to check on your health first. Question yourself about things like
Am I tired?
When did I eat last?
Did I drink enough water?
How do I relax?
Once you are well fed and content, you will have the energy to fight your thoughts instead of coming to conclusions.
Challenge your cognitive distortions: It is important that you look out for evidence for your thoughts. If you text your best friend and she has not replied to you, instead of jumping to conclusions, try to reason with them. Look for evidence to back up your argument, if you cannot find any, then refute the thought.
Think about what she told you about her day. Is she busy? Maybe she is not feeling well. Her phone must have run out of charge.
Take emotions out of the situation: Think about the situation practically. Try to use reason and logic, instead of your emotions. If your best friend is not answering your call, think about it logically. It would probably take quite a bit for you to hate someone you care about, right? If nothing has recently changed in any of your relationships, and you haven’t done anything to cause harm or offense, chances are good that people don’t actually hate you.
Distract yourself: Sometimes distraction is the best coping strategy. You have texted your friend and waiting for her reply. In the meanwhile, if you start to think that they hate you tried to do something that it takes your mind of such a thought maybe engage in things that you love or your work. Go for a run, spend time with your pet, cook food for yourself.
Conclusion
In this blog post, we discussed what it means to feel everything I do is wrong and everyone hates me. We have also learned about cognitive distortions and it’s types. Lastly, we have discussed different things to do to overcome the feeling ‘everyone hates me’.
FAQs: Everything I do is wrong, everyone hates me
What does it mean if I hate everyone?
Misanthropy refers to the general hatred towards the human species, their behavior, and nature, for a prolonged time. It is normal for people to feel annoyed towards others at times. This merely means you need some time to recharge yourself.
How do you know if someone dislikes you?
If someone dislikes you, they do make it very obvious. If people are avoiding you regularly, or are trying to dodge having a conversation with you if they are being short-tempered with you and do not acknowledge your presence, it could mean they dislike you.
What do I do when someone dislikes me?
If you feel someone dislikes you, do not jump to a conclusion. Confront the person and express your concerns. Ask the person where you went wrong and if you can rectify it. Try to mend your relationship with them, instead of hating them back. Be the bigger person.
References
https://www.healthline.com/health/why-does-everyone-hate-me#distract-yourself
https://www.bphope.com/blog/bipolar-disorder-and-social-anxiety-does-everyone-hate-me/
