Does the dumper think about the dumpee? (+7 Breakup stages)

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Page last updated: 12/11/2022

This info-rich post will be discussing if the dumper thinks about the dumpee. We will also be listing the different stages of a breakup for both the dumper and the dumpee. Finally, we will also be checking out the psychology of the no-contact rule for dumpers in particular.

Does the dumper think about the dumpee?

Yes, the dumper thinks about the dumpee. This is especially true if the dumper has heard that the dumpee has moved on to another relationship. As per research studies, most people who have initiated the breakup still think about their exes often.

However, the thinking part can be both negative as well as positive. Some dumpers keep thinking and ruminating about the positive times that they and their exes shared during the relationship.

On the other hand, other dumpers keep thinking about all the negative experiences that they had during the relationship. Some researchers also say that while the initial periods of the breakup may bring up positive memories, in the later stages, only negative ones may crop up.

Depending on what the overall experience for the dumper was, the chances of getting back together can differ. In case the experience was truly positive, the dumper may reinitiate contact. However, if the experience was toxic, the break up may be truly permanent.

Stages of breakup for the dumper and the dumpee

The stages of breakup are actually pretty similar for everyone but the minute details may differ. The different stages of getting over a breakup or grieving the end of a relationship according to psychology are given in this section.

Understanding the reasons for the breakup

The first stage of the breakup is trying to get answers to understand the entirety of the breakup. This is true for both the person who is initiating the breakup and the dumpee as well. During the breakup phase, both the partners may find it hard to understand as to what is exactly happening.

The person who is initiating the breakup may be surprised that the process has been initiated. However, the dumpee may feel even more agitated since the breakup would have taken by complete shock.

Both the partners in the relationship may even ask lots of questions to their partner or even to their friends. Some examples of the questions which can be asked during this period are, “How could they do this to me?” or “Are we allowed to speak to each other?” or something like this.

Denial of the breakup

Despite the previous stage of the breakup, it can still be hard to fully accept the breakup. In this stage of the breakup, the partners may deny the breakup. This is even more for the person who has been dumped by their ex.

Denial can be in the form of thinking that the breakup has not happened and that you cannot be without your ex. In this stage, both the partners may also put off grieving the relationship and may instead distract them with some other activity or thought.

Bargaining for the relationship

The next stage that often happens during a breakup is bargaining for the relationship. In this stage, the person may try to convince their partner to give them another chance. The person may also immediately exhibit positive behaviors to please the other partner.

Getting back with the partner

While it may not happen in all situations, in some cases bargaining for the relationship may actually work and the two partners may get back together. Sometimes, the relationship actually improves with both partners realizing what they could have lost.

In other cases, the breakup’s reasons still stand with one or the other partner soon reinitiating the breakup process. This can be even more painful for both the partners since they already have gone through a breakup and now have to go through it again.

Anger at the permanence of the breakup

In case the re-attempt at the relationship does not work, the person may experience a lot of anger, since this time it is confirmed that the breakup is permanent. In this phase, the partners, especially the dumpee, may experience a lot of anger.

The anger may be directed towards the ex but it can also be directed inwards. This is the part where crude messages or calls may be placed to the ex. Some exes also show their anger through unlawful physical violence.

Acceptance of the breakup

After months, the person may start to slowly accept the breakup. The initial stages of acceptance may not be smooth all the time, and the person may experience ups and downs in their emotional and mood states.

This phase can seem more involuntary rather than voluntary, but the person may go along with it due to ego or simply out of respect for the other person’s desires. This is the part where the partners uphold their boundaries and stop contacting their ex altogether.

Deeper acceptance of the breakup

While the previous phase may be highly stressful, in this stage, the person gains a better understanding and is therefore more accepting of the breakup. The partners of the relationship tend to think and act more maturely.

Apart from understanding the breakup, the exes also show new hope for better relationships in the future. They might start dating other people casually and may also think of their previous relationship as a positive experience or a valuable lesson.

  • Psychology of the no-contact rule for dumpers

Many relationship coaches and experts talk about the no-contact rule as a power move for the dumpee. Initiating a no-contact rule for yourself after your ex has broken up with you can actually make them think about you even more and can cause the following situations.

  • When you tend to ignore your dumper voluntarily, they are often forced to imagine your whereabouts and activities which can make them even more curious about you. In doing so, many dumpers often try to contact their ex and may even reinitiate the dumpee.
  • However, this is not always the entire concept of the no-contact rule. The main idea why psychologists and other professionals encourage a no-contact rule is to basically allow both the partners time to heal on their own.
  • In this time of no-contact, it would be wise to focus on other healing activities and self-improvement activities to help you both logically reason and rationalize the breakup. This can not only improve your emotional state, but can also make the breakup clean.
  • When you are implementing a no-contact rule between you and your dumper, you will also be able to think more clearly about having a life with your ex absent in it. In thinking about these things, your mind will be more prepared to take on future relationships.
  • On the other hand, in some cases, the no-contact rule may help the partners of the relationship understand the importance of the other person and can actually glue the pieces back together. All in all, the no-contact rule is always going to be positive.

Conclusion

This info-rich post has discussed if the dumper thinks about the dumpee. We have also listed the different stages of a breakup for both the dumper and the dumpee. Finally, we have also checked out the psychology of the no-contact rule for dumpers in particular.

If you like this post, please leave your comments and questions in the space below.

Citations

https://discover.hubpages.com/relationships/The-Dumpers-State-of-Mind-After-a-Breakup
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/psychological-effects-breaking-up-dr-anita-sanz
https://www.csn.edu/_csnmedia/documents/caps-counseling-and-psychological-services/stages_of_grief_after_a_breakup_0.pdf
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/me-we/201406/the-7-stages-grieving-breakup
https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a34223768/stages-of-breakup/
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/no-contact-rule-recovering-from-narcissistic-abuse-0618136
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/nov/15/new-rules-of-breakups
https://www.thejournal.ie/readme/getting-your-ex-back-2419820-Nov2015/