Does My Husband Have BPD? (+5 Ways to Cope)
By
OptimistMinds
As a BetterHelp affiliate, we may receive compensation from BetterHelp if you purchase products or services through the links provided.
Author bio
The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material.
This detailed post will be discussing if your husband has BPD or Borderline Personality Disorder. Furthermore, we will be giving you a number of tips and strategies that you can use to cope if your husband has BPD.
Does My Husband Have BPD?
Your husband may have BPD if you are familiar with the following signs and behaviors in your marriage,
- You cannot predict his behavior at all
- You have avoided talking about certain topics
- You feel that you can never please him
- Your husband is overly dependent on you
- He has taken impulsive decisions
- He struggles with addiction issues
- Your husband has manipulated your feelings
- He does not react well to change
- He does not take responsibility for his actions
- He changes his perceptions of others often
You cannot predict his behavior at all
Borderline Personality Disorder in a person can cause a lot of mood instability, which means that the person’s behavior can never be predicted or expected. If you have never been able to predict the behavior of your husband, this could be a sign of BPD.
You have avoided talking about certain topics
If your husband has Borderline Personality Disorder, chances are that you might not be comfortable talking about certain topics, especially those that trigger him or irk him. This can negatively affect the quality of your relationship and even your own mental health.
You feel that you can never please him
No matter what their partner might do, a person who has Borderline Personality Disorder might never feel happy. As a result of this, the partner may feel tired and worn out, and may even stop doing things altogether, which can also lead to fights and quarrels.
Your husband is overly dependent on you
Fear of abandonment is truly characteristic of Borderline Personality Disorder. If your husband has BPD, he might be overly dependent on you for everything at home. If you both have children together, your husband may also have an extreme attachment to them.
As a result of this hyper-dependence, your husband may not like it if he is left at home alone and may constantly question your whereabouts. He may also want to accompany you everywhere and may voluntarily stay out of doing chores, so that you can stay at home and do them.
He has taken impulsive decisions
Another main sign of Borderline Personality Disorder is impulsivity and recklessness. High levels of impulsivity and recklessness can even lead the person to engage in dangerous behaviors and make poor decisions.
If your husband has Borderline Personality Disorder, you might have witnessed him take on impulsive actions and behaviors, without thinking about the consequences. For example, spending more money than he can afford or driving dangerously on the road.
He struggles with addiction issues
In many cases, Borderline Personality Disorder can lead to substance abuse issues. This is seen even more in men who have BPD. If your husband turns to alcohol or any other substance whenever he is stressed, or if he is addicted, this could point to BPD.
Your husband has manipulated your feelings
Emotional manipulation is also often seen in those who have Borderline Personality Disorder. If your husband has BPD, he may often manipulate your feelings and thus, you might not feel validated in the relationship.
He does not react well to change
Those who have Borderline Personality Disorder often struggle to accept changes, especially when they are sudden. As a result, you might have had to cancel plans at the last minute or even decided to go against the trip. If you have experienced these, your husband may have BPD.
He does not take responsibility for his actions
If your husband has Borderline Personality Disorder, you might have felt that he does not take any responsibility for his actions. Somehow, all the faults and problems at home are always your fault, and not at all his.
He changes his perceptions of others often
Borderline Personality Disorder is characterized by black and white thinking, which is also called splitting. As a result, your husband may often love you to bits and put you on a pedestal, and then immediately hate you the very next second, without any explanation.
How to Deal With a Husband Who Has BPD?
If your husband has Borderline Personality Disorder – diagnosed or undiagnosed – you might have gone through a number of painful and negative experiences in your marriage. There is no actual cure for BPD, but therapy and medication are very much recommended.
Those who have Borderline Personality Disorder actually tend to be very loving and intensely loyal. If you have the gumption for it, you can actually use the following coping strategies and techniques to make your marriage a much better one.
Learn more about the disorder
The most important thing to do if you are trying to cope with your husband who has Borderline Personality Disorder is to simply learn more about the disorder. As your awareness about BPD improves, you will be able to predict the actions and behaviors of your husband.
Keep track of his behavior
Another thing that you need to understand is that Borderline Personality Disorder can manifest itself in different ways in different people. Therefore, it becomes important that you keep a track of your husband’s symptoms.
For instance, you need to be aware of what triggers him and what affects him the most. For this, you can keep a record of his behaviors and also the time and day that these happened. This can also help you predict his behaviors to a certain extent.
Validate his feelings
Those who have Borderline Personality Disorder often feel that their feelings are not heard or validated. Since they often express their emotions through a maladaptive manner, those around them will not encourage them.
You can try showing your husband that you are interested in his feelings and want him to express more by simply asking more open-ended questions. You can even use positive body-language to show that you are genuinely listening.
Wait until he is calm to communicate
The worst thing that you can do when you are married to someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder is communicating when they are overly emotional. If your husband is going through some emotional distress, you may want to wait until they calm down.
Communicating with him when he is clearly distressed will only make the situation worse, and may even cause lasting damage to your relationship. This can also worsen the existing symptoms of BPD in your husband.
Until he calms down, you can try practicing relaxation techniques and exercises like deep breathing and even mindfulness exercises. Communicating with your husband when he is calm can make your relationship more positive and adaptive.
Take care of your mental health
Most importantly, it is important for you to take care of your mental health. Being in a relationship with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder cannot always be easy, and this difficulty only increases when you are married to them.
You can also seek the help of a professional counselor or a mental health therapist to take better care of your mental health. Apart from therapy and counseling, you can also practice self-care at home, like yoga, regular exercise, hobbies and such, to improve your mental health.
Conclusion
This detailed post has discussed if your husband has BPD or Borderline Personality Disorder. Furthermore, we have given you a number of tips and strategies that you can use to cope if your husband has BPD.
If you like this post, please leave your comments and questions in the space below.
Citations
Was this helpful?
Find Relief from BPD Symptoms and Cultivate Healthy Relationships with BetterHelp
