Does My Girlfriend Have BPD? (+5 Positive Solutions)
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OptimistMinds
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The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material.
The current info-rich article will be discussing if your girlfriend has BPD. We will also be mentioning a few solutions and strategies that you can use to handle a girlfriend with Borderline Personality Disorder.
Does My Girlfriend Have BPD?
Your girlfriend may have BPD or Borderline Personality Disorder if she is expressing the following signs and symptoms,
- She changes her focus often
- She goes into depressive states frequently
- You find it hard to plan dates and occasions
- She is very clingy or attached to you
- She gets jealous many times
- She constantly questions your feelings
- She has demonstrated grand gestures
- She changes her perceptions easily
- She has tried to leave you many times
- She has taken part in impulsive behaviors
- She has self-harmed in the past
She changes her focus often
Borderline Personality Disorder can cause a person to frequently change their aims and their ambitions. This is mainly because their self-image is distorted and also, their emotions are not exactly stable in nature.
If your girlfriend has never been able to hold down a stable job for a long time, or has changed her career-paths a number of times, this could be a sign of Borderline Personality Disorder. This can also apply to her hobbies and areas of interest.
She goes into depressive states frequently
Another characteristic sign of Borderline Personality Disorder is going through chronic feelings of emptiness. As a result of this, the person may constantly go through depressive episodes and may sulk and stay isolated for extended periods of time.
At the same time, depressive states for long periods of time can also be caused by other mental health disorders like Bipolar Disorder or even Major Depressive Disorder. If the other conditions have been ruled out, it is quite likely that your girlfriend may have BPD.
You find it hard to plan dates and occasions
Borderline Personality Disorder often causes a person to experience very unstable emotions. As a result of this, they may change their mood all of a sudden, which can make it very difficult for those around them or those close to them.
If your girlfriend has Borderline Personality Disorder, planning dates and occasions might be difficult. You might have also experienced last-minute cancellations and changes of plans, all because of your girlfriend’s emotional instability.
She is very clingy or attached to you
Over-attachment is also quite common in Borderline Personality Disorder. If your girlfriend has BPD, you might have noticed that she is too clingy or too attached to you. She might also need to know where you are all the time and may even text you constantly.
This over-attachment exhibited by those who have Borderline Personality Disorder is not only manifested in romantic relationships, but even in friendships and other social relationships. This same attachment may have been repeated even towards friends by your girlfriend.
She gets jealous many times
If your girlfriend has exhibited high levels of jealousy quite often, this can also be a sign of Borderline Personality Disorder. The jealousy shown by those who have BPD is very unlike the normal feelings of jealousy expressed in normal relationships.
The jealousy expressed by those who have BPD may be paranoid in nature and you might find that your girlfriend gets jealous even in situations which do not normally call for such behavior. This jealousy may also lean on to rage and anger outbursts.
She constantly questions your feelings
One sign of Borderline Personality Disorder in your girlfriend is her constantly questioning and doubting your feelings. You might have often heard her asking you, “Do you really love me?” even after you have clearly expressed your feelings and acted appropriately.
She has demonstrated grand gestures
Those who have Borderline Personality Disorder may also often demonstrate very grand gestures, especially when they are trying to attract someone and get their attention. If your girlfriend has demonstrated very grand gestures to get your attention, she might have BPD.
She changes her perceptions easily
A common trait of Borderline Personality Disorder is splitting or black and white thinking. As a result of this, your girlfriend may constantly change her perceptions of you and others. She might intensely love you at one moment and then hate you the very next moment.
She has tried to leave you many times
The Borderline Personality Disorder relationship cycle is characterized by patterns of over-attachment and then detachment. Often, the detachment is done simply in order to get the attention of the other person.
If your girlfriend has Borderline Personality Disorder, you might have seen her constantly try to leave you and break up with you. If you do not attempt to get back with her by yourself, you might find yourself gas-lit and made to feel guilty enough to go back to her.
She has taken part in impulsive behaviors
Impulsive behaviors and poor decision-making are also quite common in Borderline Personality Disorder. This can lead to the person taking part in very dangerous and unhealthy behaviors, like reckless driving and even substance abuse.
In many cases, impulsive behaviors can make it very difficult for the romantic partners of those who have Borderline Personality Disorder. According to many people who have dated those with BPD, the impulsive behaviors and recklessness have been the final straws for the breakup.
She has self-harmed in the past
If your girlfriend has tried to self-harm or has self-harmed in the past, this can also be a sign of Borderline Personality Disorder. These behaviors need to be seriously monitored since they can be life-threatening in nature.
How to Handle a Girlfriend Who Has BPD?
If you have a girlfriend who has Borderline Personality Disorder, your relationship may not exactly be the smoothest one. You also need to know right at the start of the relationship that there is no actual cure for BPD.
At the same time, those who have Borderline Personality Disorder are capable of extreme love and will treat you like the best boyfriend in the entire world. But, they need to be treated in a certain manner to get the best out of them. Some coping strategies that you can use are:
- The first thing that you need to do is to simply improve your understanding of Borderline Personality Disorder. When you learn more about BPD, you will be able to understand why your girlfriend acts the way she does.
- The best thing that you can do for your girlfriend who has BPD is to encourage her to seek therapy and treatment. While there is no permanent cure, psychotherapy and medication can definitely bring more stability to her mood and her impulses.
- You also need to learn to set boundaries right from the start of your relationship. When you put up boundaries and enforce them in a loving manner, there will be less overstepping. At the same time, you need to reinforce these boundaries frequently.
- You can also practice soothing and self-care exercises with your girlfriend whenever she has been triggered. This can encourage her through modeling and mirroring and will give her a safer space to be herself.
- Finally, it is of utmost importance that you take care of your own mental health. This will help in improving your resilience and mental strength to handle your girlfriend at any time. Furthermore, you will also be a great role-model for your girlfriend.
Conclusion
The current info-rich article has discussed if your girlfriend has BPD. We have also mentioned a few solutions and strategies that you can use to handle a girlfriend with Borderline Personality Disorder.
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