Do narcissists apologize? (+Why do they do so)

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This article will discuss if narcissists apologize. It will also show what are the main reasons that will lead a narcissist to apologize to you.

Do narcissists apologize?  

Yes, a narcissist may apologize to you. But it is important that, as you receive this apology, you are aware that there is a great chance they are not apologizing from the heart.

That is because narcissists are unable to feel empathy, and with that, they can’t comprehend that you may feel upset with something that for them doesn’t make sense. The lack of empathy of a narcissist is also something that prevents them from feeling bad about something.

Because of the grand view, they have of themselves, a narcissist will also have trouble grasping the notion that they may have done something wrong. It is something that never crosses their mind, so in all likelihood, they are apologizing without ever understanding why what they did was wrong.

Narcissists will also use apologies as a way to maintain their relationships with people. It can be another instrument to getting what they want. So, if they are unable to understand what they have done wrong, let’s discuss why a narcissist often apologizes.

Why do narcissists apologize? 

When a narcissist is apologizing to you, it may ultimately be related to one of the reasons below.

Because it is easier 

A narcissist is a person that often has a high sense of self. They believe that they are incapable of doing anything wrong. So if at any moment you tell a narcissist that some of their actions hurt you, they may have trouble understanding that.

But if they feel that you won’t be able to just move on from that and that they could lose their control over you, they will apologize. For them, it is easier to just say they are sorry for something than to spend time trying to understand what they did and changing their behavior around you.

First, because they assume there isn’t anything they need to change about themselves, and secondly, because they are unable to understand other people’s emotions, leading them to completely disregard how you feel.

It can be a form of manipulation 

Often narcissists can use apologies as a form of manipulation. Apologizing won’t differ from any other action the narcissists will have. The end goal here is to maintain the control they have over the person.

They will apologize because they usually are highly perceptive people, and will notice that it is important to you that they do so. And to keep you under their control, they will do it.

It won’t mean anything 

If you have a relationship of any sort with a narcissist, it may come as a surprise to you if they apologize. It is not something they will do easily. So as they do so, you can begin to ask yourself if they have changed. 

But you should always keep in mind, as said on the first topic, that sometimes narcissists will just apologize and it won’t mean anything to them. They are people that can lie their teeth out without even blinking an eye, so if they think apologizing is something that they need to do, they will do it. 

They don’t work like other people that base their apologies on their principles, and on their feelings. For them, it is just a way to move past a matter and get you to see them as the amazing person they see themselves as.

To take advantage of you

Narcissists are extremely manipulative people. They will use apologies as a get-out-of-jail-free card. Instead of reflecting on what they have done, and working on changing the behavior, the narcissist will just apologize.

Their whole belief is based on the idea that they haven’t done anything wrong. So if they are apologizing to you, it is not because they understood what they did, it is just that by doing so they will be able to keep sucking you even deeper into their web.

To make them look good 

If a narcissist is in a situation in which others assume they should apologize, they would do so without ever giving it a second thought. They are people that feed on how other people perceive them, so if at any moment they realize that apologizing for something will make them seem more caring, understanding, or even better, they will do it right away.

To make you open up to them

If they have realized you are beginning to get exhausted by their behavior, they can grow desperate that they will lose the person that makes them feel good. So at some point, they can begin to apologize to you as a way to break the resistance you may have been building towards them.

This can happen to a point that they will apologize too much. Until you let them into your life again. Remember that for a narcissist it is easier to say an empty and false apology than to realize what they did wrong and change their behavior. So if you are willing to let them in, as they continuously apologize, that is enough for them.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): Do narcissists apologize?  

Does a narcissist regret losing you? 

Yes, the narcissist can regret losing you. But this doesn’t mean that they will regret losing the person they are, instead, the narcissist will regret not having at their disposal the person that used to do so much for them.

Narcissists don’t make a connection to people, rather, they are connected to what people can give them. So if you ever end a relationship with a narcissist, know that there are moments in which they may regret not having you around, but in a completely different manner than you may regret not having them around.

How do you make a narcissist feel miserable? 

Sometimes it can seem difficult to make a narcissist feel bad. If you don’t know how their mind works, it can seem like they are always feeling great. But narcissists will often be miserable if they feel they are losing control over the people around them.

If they realize you are not giving them as much attention as you did before, or you are doing things they don’t agree with, or unpredictably, it can make them miserable. 

As you stand by yourself and don’t oblige to what they are saying, it can also make them feel bad. In the way of telling them facts when they start to present a different story from what happened in reality. Not being able to drag you to their version of things will make them miserable.

Keeping level-headed as you are in an argument with them, and presenting them with facts, is also something that leads the narcissist to feel enraged. The same happens whenever they come to terms with something that shows them they are not perfect, and have shortcomings, like not getting a job promotion, or going through financial problems.

What happens when I ignore a narcissist? 

If you ignore a narcissist and cut all contact with them, they will likely get enraged. First, because they don’t understand how you could decide that you no longer want them in your life, and secondly because not having control over you anymore can take a huge toll on them.

In that, they may try to use all the manipulation techniques they have in their books. They will have no consideration for the space you have put between yourself, and them. They can begin to stalk you or find ways to get your attention.

In that, they can begin to bad mouth you to other people, in hopes of getting a reaction out of you. That is because, for the narcissist, it doesn’t matter what type of attention they are getting from you, it can be praise, or an argument, as long as they have you caught up in their finger, it is all they want.

What they can’t ever tolerate is being ignored by you. In that case, they will try as hard as they can, to pull you back in.

What happens when I leave a narcissist first? 

The first thing that will happen as you leave narcissists is that they will have trouble believing this. They may have been considering discarding you already, but knowing that you are the one that has done it first, will injure their sense of self.

In that, they can become enraged. And will have no other choice than to try to get you back. To that, they can go through many of their manipulation techniques. They can go as far as making threats that they would harm themselves if you don’t take them back.

Understanding that things are complicated, a whole-hearted person may, at that moment, decide to take the narcissist back. In that, they will begin to love bomb you, and you may feel like something has changed, and that maybe the narcissist is ready for a different relationship.

But with time, you realize that things are still the same. But only this time the narcissist will act in what they have been thinking since you left them. They will discard you before you get the chance to leave them again.

What they needed in all of this, was not your presence. They didn’t want to give the relationship another try. They simply needed to be the ones that would give the last word in the relationship.

What kind of people are narcissists attracted to?

Narcissists are not necessarily attracted to people. They are attracted to what they can take from people. And because they are always aspiring to be greater, they will often try to be with someone that gives them power, and that is self-assured.

But there is ultimately a problem with that idea, as with time, this self-assured person won’t want, or won’t be willing, to keep the narcissist in the center of their world. Which may cause the narcissist to look for someone that will.

In that, they will often go after more fragile people, with shaky self-esteem, and a lower sense of self, since those people will easily, and gladly make the narcissist the center of their world, attending to the narcissist’s every want, and need.

Conclusion

This article explained if a narcissist can apologize. Aside from that, it showed what are the main reasons that will lead them to apologize to someone.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write them in the section below.

References

https://christineschoenwald.medium.com/10-surprising-reasons-why-narcissists-apologize-89da626861b3
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/narcissism-demystified/202009/13-fake-apologies-used-narcissists?amp

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