Do I like him or the attention? (+ Understanding the difference)

As a BetterHelp affiliate, we may receive compensation from BetterHelp if you purchase products or services through the links provided

This article will discuss if you are liking the guy in your life, or if it is just that you are happy with all the attention he has been giving you. The article will show signs that you like the guy, or what it may feel like when you just like the attention. Finally, the article will show how to look for a partner that you like.

Do I like him or the attention? 

There may be different signs to help you understand if you like him, or if it is just that he is giving you attention. When you like someone, it will usually cause you to be curious about all aspects of their life. You may want to know about their past, their relationships, their family, what they want from life, and the future, or even how their day went.

You will also be more than happy to share all the parts of yourself with them, and whenever you see that they are happy, it will often make you happy as well. Liking someone means that over time your connection will get stronger, and as you build trust with one another, you can feel safe with them.

Liking someone also implies that you can be open and honest about who you are with that person. On the other hand, sometimes it may be that you keep him in your life because you like the attention they give you. 

When that is the case, you may begin to feel nervous, or even anxious if you realize they are not giving you their time, or attention. In these types of relationships, it is also common that you will keep some distance, you don’t want to get too emotionally involved with him.

In a relationship that is happening just because you want his attention, you will not be interested in learning more about him and will make no effort to ask. The relationship stays mostly on the surface, the same way as what you are attracted to in him. And it may be impossible for you to see, or want a future with him.

But why do I need his attention so badly?

If you have realized you are mostly interested in the attention this guy is giving you, it may be important to think about why this is happening, and why you feel the need to get this much attention from someone.

This can often happen because you have been through a traumatic relationship before. And this may have affected your attachment style. It may be an anxious one, that can make you constantly scared that others will leave you, and because of that, you need constant attention.

Having something to distract you from the traumatic experience you are in or needing to be constantly praised can also be reasons why you are welcoming all this attention. 

You may also be a serial monogamist, and will often jump from one relationship to the next without ever considering how you feel deep down because you need a partner.

Having a trait that makes it easier for you to be codependent can also lead you to look for other people’s attention since your self-esteem and sense of self-worth will often come from how others see you. 

But in some cases, it can just mean that you are feeling lonely, or simply bored with your life, and having all this attention can make it all more exciting.

But if you feel like you are ready to look for a relationship in which you like the guy, and it is not only looking for the attention they can give you, we will discuss what you can do next.

How can I find people I like? 

If you want to find a loving and trusting relationship, with a great partner, here is what you can do.

Become more self-aware 

If you want to stop connecting to people just to get attention, or just to improve your self-esteem, it may be time to learn more about yourself. For that, it may be important that you spend some time alone.

Understanding how you work, how it feels to not have someone praising you all the time, and if there is any chance that you can begin to praise yourself can change how you deal with your relationships. This process may make you more confident in who you are, and that is key to attracting people that are also confident about themselves.

Understand your patterns

In this process of self-discovery, you may also want to go through your past dating life experience. Making a list of all the people you have gone out with before, and describing how those relationships were, and how they made you feel, may give you some clarity on what you are going through.

This means that you might become more aware of possible relationship patterns. You can notice if you usually go into a relationship with the same type of people, and why this happens. And finally, you may want to ask yourself what you take out of each relationship.

Knowing if those experiences contributed to your growth and development, or if it was just something to pass the time, will allow you to understand why you will often go into a relationship.

Look for help

As you become more self-aware, and you have noticed your past traumas, and your relationship patterns, you may begin to wonder what to do about all of this, and how to open yourself to different people.

To help you with that, it may be necessary that you go to therapy. Sometimes it is only by extensively talking about those matters that we can get to the root of what led you to behave this way, and discover new ways of connecting to people, and being in a relationship.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): Do I like him or the attention? 

What is the difference between love and infatuation?

There are some structural differences between being in love with someone, or being infatuated with them. Love is a concept that marks you in many spheres of your life. It goes through infatuation and attachment, and it can even lead you to experience changes.

Love affects your heartbeat, makes you more caring of the person you love, leads you to often experience euphoria, and anxiety, but also makes your memory work harder towards remembering things that are related to the person you love.

When we are talking about infatuation, it is a feeling that comes quickly, but it also consumes itself quickly. It is often what will happen at the beginning of love, and it can often make the person feel anxious, nervous, and even euphoric.

What is emotional attachment?

Emotional attachment is a feeling you may develop of comfort, calm, security, stability, and happiness with someone. It shows you that you are gradually creating a bond with the other person and that this process feels positive to you.

What is codependency?

Codependency means that you will often put other people’s needs above your own needs. The intensity in which this happens can change from one person to the next, but in a codependent person, it can be so intense that they lose track of what their needs are.

A codependent person may feel like others’ needs should come first because they need to have this sense of control over others, but they also like to feel that they are needed. When a person is codependent, they likely have trouble saying no to others, and they would easily lie for someone they love.

Aside from that, codependent people will often apologize too much to others, and can even take the blame for things if they believe this is a way for them to get out of a conflicting situation.

What are the attachment styles? 

Attachment style is the name given to the way each individual will connect to people around them. It is important to know that your style of attachment will likely be formed in the early years of your life since it is mostly related to how you relate to your parents, and later on how you relate to the world.

With that in mind, it is important to understand that the four types of attachment styles differ one from the other. It can be avoidant, anxious, secure, or even fearful.

A person with an avoidant attachment style will make it hard for the person to build long-lasting relationships because the person is unable to deal with intimacy. It can happen to people that were often left to fend for themselves.

The anxious attachment style will cause the person to be constantly scared that the other person will leave them, or that they will be rejected. When someone develops this form of attachment style, it may be a sign that they had parents that swing between overly nurturing, and detached.

A fearful attachment style is often disorganized, and unable to regulate their emotions, which makes it difficult to establish secure relationships with others. Those are often people that have experienced traumatic situations in their childhood.

As for the person that has a secure attachment style, it means that they can experience intimacy, and are not constantly scared of the possibility of being rejected.

Can you change your attachment style?

Yes, a person may change their attachment style. But this is not something that can’t be done overnight. It will most likely happen slowly, and it will most likely happen through your wish to deal with your relationship patterns.

What is known is that, if you are avoidant, for example, at some point you may realize that this is taking a toll on your relationships and that you want things to be different.

When that happens you may want to go to therapy and put on the work to change. It is also possible that being in a secure relationship can change your attachment style. 

For example, it is known that a person with an anxious or avoidant style of attachment, whenever in a secure relationship for an extended period, can become more secure as well, changing their attachment style.

Conclusion 

This article discussed what are the different signs of when you like someone, or you like the attention the person gives you. It also explained how you can begin to look for people that you will like.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write them in the section below.

References

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/amp/entry/how-do-i-know-if-i-like-someone-or-like-the-attention-they-give-me_uk_627badf4e4b00fbab636a4fd/
https://psychcentral.com/health/do-i-like-him-or-the-attention

What was missing from this post which could have made it better?

[Sassy_Social_Share type="standard"]