Depression from being single (techniques to cope)

In this blog-post, we will provide techniques and tips you can follow to overcome depression from being single.

When has being single been some kind of sickness that everyone needs to get rid of? Why does everyone think that being single is preferable to being in a relationship or married? There are a few things that you might want to think about. Our society puts such an emphasis on being part of a couple that often it makes individual individuals feel like lepers. But it is time to challenge yourself to be alone, to reframe. It is in your attitude.

Things to remember when you have depression from being single

Things may change and they’re going to

I don’t care if for several decades or several days you’ve been single. Getting down on yourself over the “odds” of finding the right partner can be easy. Don’t let yourself buy into the crazy theories, including “An alien is more likely to get kidnapped than it is after 40 to get married.” Remember, anything and everything is possible. What you need is to get out of your way and begin to believe that.

Have high expectations

Because you don’t want to be single, don’t just date anyone. I can’t tell you how many people I know are “settling” only because they hate to be alone. If that’s you, why do you hate it so much to be alone? Are you not fond of yourself? Should you! Since you’re such a great guy, you should enjoy being alone. You have to have the attitude that whoever doesn’t want you is a fool, so you don’t want them anyway.

To learn about yourself, use this time

People also use being with others, an escape from themselves, as an escape. If you are with someone, then they are the priority, not you. But how well do you know yourself? Being single is a valuable time that you can use to get to know and enjoy yourself. So spend your time getting to know you right now. Discover new things. Work on personal development.

Don’t chase anyone

And it’s said. Don’t worry about it either! If they have to be hunted, then they don’t want you. And if you’re not accepted by them, then you shouldn’t want them. As Maya Angelou says, “The first time people show you who they are, believe them.” If anyone shows you that they’d prefer not to date you, trust them. Get your shoulders shrugged and carry on. This is their loss, not that of yours. No, it is.

Work to make yourself the kind of person that you would like to date

Jerry McGuire got it wrong. Don’t look for anyone to “complete you.” If you need someone to finish you, to start with, you’re not whole. You want someone to think “Wow!” Is that person dating ME?!?! I am the luckiest girl/guy in the world! And the person who is right will.

Learn to love your own company

You’re terrific! You’re great! If you have no confidence in me, then you’re wrong. In their way, everyone is fine. The problem is, many individuals, particularly single individuals, don’t believe it. It’s alright to spend your own Saturday night alone, with a movie and a bottle of wine. As you do, you can tell yourself what my mother always asks, “What are the peasants doing, I wonder?” In other words, when you have such a nice time on your own that you don’t need anybody else, the “peasants” are anyone who isn’t you.

There are still decent individuals out there

Again, don’t buy into the misconceptions of “taking all the good ones.” Hogwash! You haven’t been taken, right? Well, I’ll rest my case here! If you are single and available, then you do not take all the good ones. So you need to get out of your mind and stop believing the lies that are told to you by society. For you to pair up with, there are several good qualified singles out there.

Uncertainty creates opportunities

One of the things singles don’t like is that their future can’t be predicted. Yeah, or regulate it. They wonder, “Will I always be alone?” Am I going to be an old maid? Where am I supposed to go to meet people? A lot of people do not like confusion and questions that are not answered. Yet confusion brings a great deal of chance. Your choices are limitless!! And it’s a great thing! You just need to believe, too, that it is.

Techniques to cope with depression from being single

Normalizing Ambivalence

Single adults who have been so for a prolonged time sometimes sound markedly different, and their suffering remains unseen. Thus, it can be validated just knowing that other singles are also dealing with this sort of ambiguous loss.

Moreover, Jackson posits, the process of marking the loss as ambiguous, defining conflicted feelings about the loss, and framing reactions to the loss as typical often helps normalize ambivalence, which can consequently relieve distress, blame, shame, depression, and immobilization that stems from ambiguous loss. People can handle pain more easily if they can comprehend it and make sense of it.

Tempering Mastery 

The need for complete control of the uncertain situation is resolved by a key component of dealing with uncertainty without falling into passivity. This is where the mastery of tempering arrives. It refers to a simple perception of the loss and an identification of what can and can not be altered.

Tempering mastery, put another way, strikes a balance between the desire for power and recognition of what can not be changed. The idea goes that suffering runs from pain courts, but acknowledging conditions for which we have no power just as they are will decrease it. In the case of single adulthood, Jackson claims that people are generally in charge of looking for the sort of individual they want to marry (e.g. online dating, speed-dating activities, asking people for dates), but have little control over choosing their spouse.

Finding Meaning 

It can be harder to find sense in it when a loss is mired in uncertainty. To make sense of loss, it can require additional efforts, which will in turn allow mourning and successful coping. Borrowing from the concepts of existential therapy, Jackson suggests that in extended individuality, questioning one’s beliefs will promote seeking meaning.

More precisely, he suggests: (a) defining and describing life assumptions (i.e. behaviors, views, and values), (b) analyzing how life assumptions have developed, (c) reforming life assumptions to better respond to one’s present needs, and (d) adapting the restructured assumptions to the way one currently lives.

Reconstructing Identity 

Being single can become the defining characteristic of the identity of an individual. Singleness, however, is just a part of one’s identity, not the whole. Thus, Jackson argues that it can drive down ambivalence and shore up resilience to rebuild one’s identity from the one-note concept of being single to a more complete and layered composition.

In terms of one’s sexuality, being single can be difficult. Single adults may have parents who want to play the role of the non-materialized spouse, to provide support and comfort for their non-partnered children. As a consequence, Jackson maintains that being single will give rise to identity uncertainty, as it may leave some singles wondering whether they are an adult or a child.

Revising Attachment 

Revising attachment refers to the “gradual process of learning to live with the prospect of recovering the lost person while recognizing that the loss can become permanent at the same time.” Being able to think dialectically, which means acknowledging different and even conflicting opinions, will make it easier to revisit attachment and gradually heal.

The difficulty for singles is to strike a balance between the conflicting stances of keeping linked and letting go. This will boost resilience over time. Jackson provides the following actionable steps: verbalizing dreams about the potential partner, processing the loss, realizing how life changes can give rise to anxiety about becoming single (e.g. being the only person in a community of friends who is single or childless), seeking self-expression through creative pursuits, and participating in interesting groups and communities.

Discovering hope

Jackson suggests that by (a) seeing the issue as external to oneself, reexamining stories by seeing one’s own story from multiple viewpoints, and exploring alternate interpretations and endings, singles will find hope, and (c) re-authoring one’s own stories. By sharing them with family, colleagues, and other meaningful individuals, who can, in turn, act as an audience for their new stories, new and updated narratives can be incorporated into one’s psychology.

In case you still continue to express depression seek the help of mental health professional.

In this blog-post, we will provide techniques and tips you can follow to overcome depression from being single.

FAQs: Depression from being single

References

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/head-games/201805/6-ways-cope-being-single

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/if-you-dont-like-being-single-you-need-to-read-this_b_6294266

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