Depressed after ejaculation (+5 coping tips)

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This article will discuss why some men may feel depressed after they have sexual intercourse. It will also explain the concept of Post-coital dysphoria, and what are ways to cope.

Why do some men get depressed after ejaculation?

Some men may experience feelings of self-loathing, sadness, and even crying after they have just ejaculated. This seems to be linked to something called Post-coital dysphoria. 

And even though those feelings had already been assessed in women, little was known about why and how it happened to men. Although men are often seen as extremely sexual and are only interested in when they will have their next sexual intercourse, it is not always like that. 

It is a fact that sexual intercourse is divided into four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. The first three seem very clear to researchers, but the last phase seems to leave a lot of questions. 

Why do some people experience a high level of satisfaction, and others may feel sadness? And why does this happen when it happens?

It seems it is not experienced every single time someone has sexual intercourse, but there was a desperate need for some answers about this. There had been research to disclose why this happened to women, and it was discovered that nearly 50% of women have gone through it at least once, 5 to 10% have had it in the last month, and 2% of them said they experience it regularly.

This sense of sadness, shame, and self-loathing after sex, came to be known as Post-coital Dysphoria. And in 2019 a study was published by Maczkowiack and Schweitzer that explained how men experience it.

How do men experience Post-coital Dysphoria?

In the research done by the Australian due, 1200 participants, with ages between 18-81, with an average age of 37, were questioned on their sexual experiences. The participants were from 78 countries and the greatest part of them was in a sexually fulfilling relationship.

The questions would be done to assess how they have experienced Post-coital Dysphoria, and what are factors can be associated with it. In the research, it became clear that the occurrence of Post-coital Dysphoria is mostly related to men experiencing psychological distress.

So men who are going through mental health matters, such as anxiety or depression, or even that who are going through stressful situations can experience it. The same is true about men that have experienced past abuse, be it physical, emotional, or even sexual, which can lead to sexual dysfunction. 

It seems that Post-coital Dysphoria can also be caused by other sexual dysfunctions such as low libido, erectile dysfunctions, premature ejaculation, or even taking a long time to ejaculate. And as surprising as it may be, the percentage of how often may go through this is similar to the percentage of women. 

In their research 41% of the men said they have gone through it at least once, and 20% of them said it happened in the last month, showing how men and women can go through Post-coital Dysphoria. 

But the most important thing that was shown in this research is that even though the history of abuse and sexual dysfunction play a role in experiencing sadness and shame after ejaculation, to most participants it seems to be related to their emotional condition.

This shows how anxiety, depression, and stress can impact how you feel after you ejaculate. Knowing this is extremely important to understand ways to cope with these emotions. 

And even though the research shows it is a common occurrence for both men and women, if someone starts to experience it frequently they may want to assess why this is happening.

In the research, some men have said that when they experience Post-coital Dysphoria, they usually just tend to go to sleep to avoid it or even wait for their partners to leave so they can cry. This can create, in the long hall, some distance between you and your partner, so caring for it may be extremely important. 

So let’s discuss what can be done if you realize Post-coital Dysphoria has become a common occurrence in your life.

What are ways to cope with Post-coital Dysphoria? 

As was shown in the research done by Maczkowiack and Schweitzer, Post-coital Dysphoria can be connected to previous sexual abuse, and high levels of stress, depression, and anxiety in the man’s life. But the research has also shown it is a common sexual manifestation. 

The first thing you should do is accept it. Embrace this feeling when it happens, and you may even share it with your partners, and chances are they may have experienced it as well at times.

But if it turns into a frequent occurrence, you may want to look for help. Get in touch with a therapist that will help you understand and cope with your previous experiences of sexual abuse, or even get a better handle on how you react to stress.

Post-coital Dysphoria shouldn’t be seen as a clinical condition. It is a part of the human manifestation after sexual intercourse. But dealing with the underlying matters that can impact how you feel, is extremely important.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): Why do some men get depressed after ejaculation? 

Can lack of orgasm lead me to be sad after sex?

Yes, it can be that not achieving an orgasm will make you sad after sex. If you are unable to reach orgasm, you can start to ask yourself why you were unable to do it. If this has happened before, you may start to ask yourself about your inability to orgasm. 

On the other hand, if your partner didn’t orgasm you may be worried that your partner didn’t enjoy the intercourse, which can lead you to become worried, and even sad. What is important to remember at this time is that your partner not reaching an orgasm probably has nothing to do with your performance.

People may not orgasm for many reasons, there can be psychological, emotional, or even social reasons why this happened. If you are in a relationship with them, try to talk about it with them, so you can both enjoy this experience fully.

How can infrequent sex relate to Post-coital Dysphoria?

If you have sexual intercourse, and you know this may be the last one in quite some time, you can experience Post-coital Dysphoria. That can happen, for example, in sexless relationships. When the couple has sexual intercourse, one of them, or even both of them, can become sad knowing this won’t happen again for quite some time.

A sexless relationship is considered one in which the couple has less than 10 sexual intercourses during a year. And knowing that the sexual experience won’t happen again for quite some time can lead to, besides sadness, each sexual encounter being harshly evaluated.

What are the benefits of sex?

Sex is not only a moment of closeness and sharing between two partners, it has also been proven that it has a lot of benefits to the person’s physical and emotional health. It can lead to better sleep, lower blood pressure, and risk of heart disease.

Aside from that, it will positively impact your energy and mood. Your stress levels and anxiety will also go down. For women, it has also been shown that frequent sexual intercourse can lead to improved bladder control, and for men, it can decrease their chances of prostate cancer.

This doesn’t mean you should do more sex. It only says that sexual intercourse may be one of the factors that can have a positive impact on those matters listed above.

What is the ideal frequency a person should have sex?

The frequency to which every couple has sex changes from one to the other. It should mostly be related to the level of satisfaction each couple will have. So after communicating with your partner, you may have an idea of how much sex is appropriate for your relationship, but keep in mind that this frequency can always change.

Research done in 2017 by the Archives of Sexual Behavior tried to understand the sexual behaviors of Americans between 1989 and 2014. It discovered that people in their 20s will have an average of 80 sexual encounters each year.

When people are around their 60s, this number drops to 20. The most accentuated drop was seen in people in their 50s, which is thought to be because of their life period since they are most likely concerned with children. 

But another matter that research has shown, is that around that period, people also watch less porn, which can be related to less sexual activity.

How does sex impact the relationship?

Although people often affirm that it is a good thing and that it gives them pleasure, sex seems to not be a key part of a relationship. Most people will say that their life feels more fulfilled when they are in a relationship, but only 50% seem to think that their sexual life with their partner is fulfilling.

And even though they don’t consider this a key point to the relationship, people that feel sexually fulfilled will have a higher level of satisfaction with their relationship.

In the same way, it seems that the lack of sex in a relationship will cause most men to have a more negative view of their relationship, and two-thirds of women feel the same.

How do I know if I am a sex addict?

If you are wondering if sex has been taking up too much space in your life, here are some signs you may be a sex addict: the first thing is that you will start to have obsessive sexual thoughts. It will happen many times a day.

And you may spend a lot of time trying to find sexual partners, having sex, or even recovering from sexual experiences. You may also be addicted if you feel shame or depression after your experiences because it seems hard to control your urges.

It turns into an addiction as you exclude other activities from your life in favor of sexual activities, and you end up masturbating a lot. Engaging in risky behaviors such as unprotected sex, and cheating on your partner is also a sign of sex addiction. And it can go on to a point of committing criminal sex offenses.

Conclusion 

This article showed why some men may feel depressed after they have ejaculated. It explained what Post-coital Dysphoria is, and what are ways to deal with it.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write them in the section below.

References

https://www.thrillist.com/amphtml/sex-dating/nation/post-coital-tristesse-why-men-feel-sad-after-sex
https://www.thrillist.com/amphtml/sex-dating/nation/post-coital-tristesse-why-men-feel-sad-after-sex

Maczkowiack, J. & Schweitzer, R. (2019). Postcoital dysphoria: Prevalence and correlates among males. Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, 45, 128-140.

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