How to deal with someone who wants to destroy you (5 tips)
By
OptimistMinds
As a BetterHelp affiliate, we may receive compensation from BetterHelp if you purchase products or services through the links provided.
Author bio
The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material.
From the article below you will get to know about the topic, “How to deal with someone who wants to destroy you”.
How to deal with someone who wants to destroy you
There are people who would never want to see you happy. If they see your success, they wouldn’t tolerate it and may instill toxicity in you and make you feel mentally exhausted. Here are some ways to deal with toxic personalities.
Respectful disagreement
Toxic personalities have a tendency to show themselves as the victim in every situation. If they mess up, they may shift to blame others to prove their point and safeguard their own interests.
In these cases, try to respectfully disagree with them rather than getting angry or excited. Don’t be aggressive, but you should be assertive.
While your disagreement might upset them, it might also lower the chances they’ll try involving you again.
Voluntarily ignore their complaining habit
Usually these people will complain about other people’s activities, make fun about them or insult them when they are not around. Resist the urge to jump on the complaining train with them or defend yourself against accusations. Instead, respond with a simple, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” and leave it at that.
Or when you are with them and they start gossiping about someone, just give an excuse of work and leave the discussion.
Talk to them about their behavior
Communication can solve a lot of problems with people. Even if the person is emotionally exhaustive, you should also understand that they have their struggles too. Maybe they have a difficult family situation; maybe they are lonely; maybe they need validation because of their extreme insecurities. Being human beings, we all have our own set of triggers which make us behave in a certain way.
The best way to convey that, is to talk to them. Tell them how their behavior becomes unacceptable at times. Ask if they know why they behave like this. Do they gain pleasure out of hurting people around them? This will help them introspect and have a realization of what people think about them and how negative their association is at times.
Put yourself first
On the flip side, behavior doesn’t have to be abuse or spiteful to be toxic. Other behaviors can be just as damaging.
Maybe the person in question “desperately needs” your help to get them out of a bind — every time you see them. Or Barrie Sueskind, a therapist in Los Angeles who specializes in relationships says, “you’re always giving and they’re always taking, or you feel like their emotional stability depends on you.”
You might value your relationship with this person, but don’t offer support at the risk of your own well-being.
“Healthy relationships involve give and take,” Sueskind explains. In other words, you offer support, but you receive support, too.
Learn to say no
Usually toxic people are manipulative and it becomes very difficult to refuse their requests. They become aggressive if you don’t want to act the way they want you to. In these cases, you should say a “no”. There are many techniques to show you are uninterested. You can simply make excuses or you can tell them the truth. Making excuses will not be difficult, but saying the truth to a toxic person about your disagreement with them may make them more manipulative. This is where you have to understand why saying a no is important. Walking away from toxicity and negativity is your choice and nobody has got the right to mentally exhaust you in order to confirm your ideas with them. Politely tell them, “ I am not comfortable discussing these hence please excuse me” and leave the place.
Don’t make yourself available all the time
People who act in a toxic way “can often sense who they can manipulate,” Sueskind says. “They may move on when they see their tactics don’t work on you.”
If you’re never available, they might eventually stop trying to engage. This strategy can be particularly helpful at work, where you’re bound to have plenty of honest excuses, like:
- “Sorry, I have too much work to chat.”
- “Got to prepare for that meeting, so I can’t talk!”
Encourage them to get help
Remember people behave in a certain way because their experiences make them unique. Apparently we may presume a person as completely fine but maybe they are struggling with some personal challenges too. This doesn’t excuse problematic behavior, but it can help explain it.
If one of your close friends shows toxic behavioral signs talk to them and tell them to get help. Rather than judginging them or pushing them away, try and help them. Understand why they behave that way; ask if they want to share anything that has distrubed them when they were a child; is there any problem they face with parents or family. If you think he or she is interested and encouraged to seek help, tell them how psychotherapy may help. “Psychotherapy can help people identify problematic behaviors and learn to manage their emotions and reactions in healthier ways,” Sueskind says. “Therapists are trained to help people work through difficult situations like these and can offer compassionate, judgment-free support that fits your circumstances.”
Stay grounded :
Next time you feel anxious in an interaction, try grounding yourself with these tips:
- Breathe slowly and deeply.
According to a recent study published by the APA, it has been found that anhedonia is a psychic defense we use to fight off a stressful situation. It sends our body and mind to the survival mode and makes us hold our breath and panic.
Simple breathing exercises can help us practise concentration and generate a control on our breath. This will help us nurture mindfulness thus gaining mental clarity. With mental clarity we can get over our state of dissociation.
- Let the words wash over you and silently repeat a calming mantra.
- Distract yourself if the situation allows. Practising self-love will help you shift your focus more on your life, your potentials and abilities.
The purest form of love is experienced in your own self. If you are not able to focus on your current life because of toxic associations, you should start loving your own self. Don’t worry, it is not very difficult. Self-love can be practised in any way among all these listed below:
- Follow a skin care routine : you can frame your routine with simple things like applying moisturizer on a daily basis after washing your face in the morning. Scrubbing your body once a week. Going to the salon for a clean-up, manicure, pedicure or haircut. Take care of your nails. You will get a glowing skin after a week, I assure.
- Have healthy food: To make yourself healthy and glowing, you should check upon your eating habits too. Control sugar intake, junk and oil, hog upon fruits, veggies and set a cheat day once a week. A proper well thought diet plan will help you feel healthy, energetic and fall in love with your skin.
- Remind yourself how good you are: take out some time everyday to list those things you love about yourself. For example, “I like the way I talk to people, I am a good listener, I have good communication skills, I am beautiful no matter whatever the world thinks.”- I am sure you will love this session.
- Go for a movie: keep the weekends solely for yourself. Dress up good, book a ticket and go out for a movie date with yourself. You can also take yourself out for dinner dates, coffee dates, stationary shopping or a short trip away from your locality.
Self-love is an intrinsically motivated emotion. If depression is making you experience no feelings of love towards anyone, try out anything that you like doing the most all by yourself. The above self-love activities I prefer the most. You can try out anything that is closer to your heart. If playing games or painting trees makes you happy do that, or you can even try out finding interest in new activities. For example, I discovered I am really good at doodling in the recent past when I was bored in the midst of the pandemic. Likewise you should cultivate love in yourself through activities and habits (new or already existing) if you think you don’t feel “love” for anyone.
Conclusion
From the article above, we learnt about the topic “How to deal with someone who wants to destroy you”.
If you’ve enjoyed the ”How to deal with someone who wants to destroy you” mentioned above, I would recommend you to take a look at ”Why do people hate me?” too.
FAQs: How to deal with someone who wants to destroy you
How do you destroy your life?
1. sickness.
2. inertia.
3. doubts.
4. laziness.
5. carelessness
6. vacillating
7. no progress.
8. delusions.
How do you know someone is toxic?
Toxic people are manipulative.
1. They are judgmental.
2.They take no responsibility for their own feelings.
3. They don’t apologize.
4. They are inconsistent.
5. They make you prove yourself to them.
6. They make you defend yourself.
7. They are not caring, supportive, or interested in what’s important to you.
How do you destroy happiness?
8 Horrible Habits That Destroy Your Happiness
1. Constantly comparing yourself with others.
2. Not appreciating what you have.
3. Letting fear or hate control you.
4. Focusing on the past or the future.
5. Trying to control what you can’t.
6. Getting caught in the blame game.
7. Fixating on your possessions.
8. Surrounding yourself with toxic people.
Can anxiety ruin relationships?
Anxiety makes us feel either fearful or limited. It can make us insecure about our partner in the relationship and cause various problems too.
Can toxic people change?
Remember people behave in a certain way because their experiences make them unique. Apparently we may presume a person as completely fine but maybe they are struggling with some personal challenges too. This doesn’t excuse problematic behavior, but it can help explain it.
If one of your close friends shows toxic behavioral signs talk to them and tell them to get help. Rather than judginging them or pushing them away, try and help them. Understand why they behave that way; ask if they want to share anything that has distrubed them when they were a child; is there any problem they face with parents or family. If you think he or she is interested and encouraged to seek help, tell them how psychotherapy may help. “Psychotherapy can help people identify problematic behaviors and learn to manage their emotions and reactions in healthier ways,” Sueskind says. “Therapists are trained to help people work through difficult situations like these and can offer compassionate, judgment-free support that fits your circumstances.”
With proper guidance and therapy, people do change themselves.
References:
https://whattogetmy.com/signs-someone-wants-to-destroy-you/
