Is it possible to cope once you lose the love of your life? What does it mean to cope with losing the love of your life and how can you successfully do so?
In this brief blog we are going to discuss how to cope with losing the love of your life. We will provide you with different tips which will help guide you for many years to come.
How to cope with losing the love of your life
Coping with losing the love of your life means that you are able to accept the reality of the situation and implement steps which will help you survive and move from the pain. This includes:
- Focusing on what you can control and letting time heal the rest
- Maintaining a schedule
- Practising meditation and spending time in nature
- Not comparing your situation to other people
- Spending time with friends and family
- Not allowing denial to take recover
- Re-inventing oneself and
- Seeking out a support group.
This blog answers questions like ‘what exactly makes losing the love of your life so painful?’ and ‘How can these techniques help someone to survive the process and successfully cope with losing the love of your life and heal from it?’.
First let us take a look at what makes this process of losing the love of your life so difficult in the first place. Losing the love of your life can be painful. The mere sentence implies that there was an individual in your life that was significant beyond words.
And now the absence of that individual has created a void. For some people, the void is enough to destroy their mental wellbeing.
While it is not a mental health condition on its own but the cognition and the hurt associated with this can be extremely detrimental for an individual who is facing it.
It may also result in depression for some people or even PTSD depending on the manner he/she lost their partner.
How can you lose the love of your life?
This blog covers three common ways one can lose the love of his/her life and the different implications of them. They include:
Death due to natural causes
Death due to natural causes is one way one way how one can lose the love of one’s life. When one has lost their partner due to natural causes like old age or sickness.
In these instances, the individual is more or less aware of the situation and deep down could have mentally prepared themselves in some way for the inevitable.
However, the pain is very real and no one could be completely prepared when the time eventually came.
Death due to unnatural causes
Another way how a person could find themselves where one can lose the love of their life is through unnatural causes.
Incidents like tragic accidents or any other unnatural causes can be extremely devastating. In such instances, most people are still shocked by the incident that they may find themselves stuck in denial.
In these instances, PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Is as or more likely than resulting in depression. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a mental health condition that arises when an individual is exposed to a particular trauma.
The individual experiences physical symptoms from a period of three weeks to a few months which makes them feel like they are reliving the old trauma. In such instances they have a hard time accepting the reality of the situation.
Another instance where an individual can lose the love of his/her life is through a mutual break up be it legally or just officially. Irrespective of the reason, the situation can be quite painful as it signifies that an aspect of a person’s life which was considered significant is not existing anymore.
However, if an individual has arrived at this decision in accordance to his/her own will, then it can be easier to accept the situation. This situation is likely to lead to more functional dysfunction than emotional turmoil.
Whatever be the cause, the process of healing in any of these instances points to the same goal- Attain closure and move on.
But before we get to the point of closure, we need to understand why losing the love of your life is so painful in the first place and why it is detrimental to one’s mental health who finds him/herself in this situation.
What makes the process of losing the love of your life so difficult?
Despite the cause, what an individual experiences in this situation is grief. The five stages of grief explain the stages we go through when we lose a loved one in general and specific to this topic, what poses a barrier from coping with losing the love of your life.
Even without an actual death, just an emotional sense of death can be significant as an individual faces emotions and cognitions in a similar line. The five stages of grief include:
- Depression and finally
If you are trying to cope with losing the love of your life, then one of the major roadblocks is denial.
During this stage, the individual finds him/herself unable to accept the situation for what it is and coming to terms with reality. Thoughts like ‘ ‘it can’t be over ‘’ comes to mind and he/she might even isolate him/herself from the rest of the world.
This serves a purpose for a certain amount of time but if one lives in denial then the chances of her/his recovery becomes more difficult if not completely bleak.
In this stage, the individual experiences anger over the situation or the person at hand or even him/her own self. It is important to feel this stage and release anger in order to move on.
This is the stage of regret where an individual is clouded by thoughts of ‘if I had done this’ or ‘if it happened like that’. It is crucial not to fester at this stage as it only takes away more from the present and forgiveness becomes difficult.
This is the fourth stage of grief where one has become aware of the scenario and understands the reality of the situation. This stage can be extremely painful but crucial.
The individual experiences loss of energy and is haunted by pain and sorrow. It is important to feel these emotions but also remind him/her of what remains. This is a crucial stage as it is the stage before we can truly move on.
One of the most critical points of coping when you lose someone close to you, especially if that someone is the love of your life, is to accept the situation. Acceptance is key from coping with the loss of the love of your life.
In the grieving process, it is the final stage as it helps the individual to finally release and liberate from the situation at hand.
Once we completely accept what has happened and realise that the reality of the situation and try to move forward, we begin to move on with our lives and what remains.
Now that we covered the process of why this situation is painful, we can look at what we can do to cope better and truly heal from the situation at hand. This involves a stage further than coping and more on the process of healing and this involves one crucial aspect: FINDING CLOSURE
How can you survive from losing the love of your life?
Focus on what you can control and Let time heal the rest.
When you have lost the love of your life, one key aspect of coping is focus and time. Focus on what you can control and only on what you can control. When an individual pays attention to what is beyond his/her control be it in the instance of worrying about the future or certain regrets he/she may have about the situation.
It is very possible to get carried away with thoughts of ‘what could have been’ or ‘if only’ or ‘if this didn’t happen…” this quite normal but it doesn’t help the situation because despite the wishful thinking, the present scenario won’t change.
By focusing on what one can control, it enables the individual to divert his/her attention to something positive. It becomes important for time to take care of what is beyond his/her control.
Maintaining a schedule
Maintaining a schedule can be therapeutic as well in a situation where you have lost the love of your life. The reason for this is that it gives a sense of direction which in turn gives an individual something to work on which does not leave time for wallowing in negative thoughts and feelings.
Spend time in nature and meditate
Losing the love of your life can cause many distorted thoughts. Something as simple as spending time in nature and meditating for a few minutes every day can be extremely therapeutic for dealing with distorted thoughts. Meditation is a form of mindfulness which helps an individual stay in the present.
When an individual is haunted by painful memories then he/she keeps shifting to the past which can take away from the present.
Spending time in nature offers a change in one’s atmosphere which can be very healing in the process.
Do not compare yourself to others
When you have lost the love of your life, it becomes very easy to start comparing your situation to other people.This will only make you feel bad and can even lead to you often feeling sorry for yourself.
Comparing yourself with another person based on their life will only have one implication i.e it makes you feel bad about your life. watch out for what you pay attention to on social media
Social Media is a source of entertainment and networking but it also causes fear of missing out. If someone in this situation spends a lot of time looking at other happy couples, it can do a lot of good to take a temporary break from it.
Spend time with friends and family
One of the most simple forms of therapy from losing the love of your life is spending time with those who love you which includes close family members and good friends.
In these instances, what an individual craves most is a support system filled with love, support and intimacy. Spending time with friends and family can be extremely beneficial as it can shift attention even if for sometime from what is lost to what he/she still has.
Don’t allow denial to take over
Grief can be extremely hard to handle, especially when the cause of the grief is when you feel you have lost the love of your life. One of the most crucial things to watch out for is thoughts of denial as it hinders the coping process.
one of the gravest mistakes anyone can make in this situation is to deny their emotions if it’s too much to take. Denial is an ego defence mechanism which is designed by our own minds to help us when a situation is too much to take. While it serves a sense of purpose, living in denial or not moving on from it restricts an individual from being realistic. It becomes very crucial to acknowledge the pain and feel it in order to truly accept it. only then can he/she move on from it.
Be aware of patterns of fear
We are designed to protect ourselves through pain. We often block out psychological pain or any feelings which are very unpleasant by using our ego defence mechanisms. Denial is one such mechanism.
We often deny the existence of something if we are unable to face it. One who has lost someone extremely significant may try to unconsciously block out potential partners by denying the existence of another connection as they may be operating from a place of fear.
This is self-sabotaging and blocks the healing process as operating from fear stops the individual from moving on.
This may even cause us to isolate ourselves which might in the long run lead to depression
Re-inventing oneself can be very helpful to help cope from losing the love of your life. The reason for this is it will help to remind you that while one aspect of your life is over, it is crucial to remember that the rest of the individual’s life still remains. He/she is much more than the partner of so and so.
Re-inventing self-such as getting a makeover, taking up a new hobby or skill or going after dreams which were not possible before or simply embracing your new found strength can go a long way in the healing journey.
- Try to inculcate an optimistic outlook
Our perception of our world defines our reality. It’s important to keep in mind that the present situation is not the final outcome and one’s future can be anything he/she shapes it to be. If one remains optimistic about the future, it becomes easier to live in the present as well.
Seeking a support group
When you feel you have lost the love of your life, you may experience thoughts like ‘no one can understand me’. This can make you isolate yourself which stops you from coping from losing the love of your life.
Amy Paturel in her article who spoke about her experience and journey after losing her husband of fourteen years. she found it difficult to continue with her usual activities as she lost her usual energy.
What really helped her was joining a book club for widows as it gave her a forum which enabled her to interact with others in her situation.
As support groups enable you to empathise and feel empathised by others in a similar situation. This in turn can make a person feel heard.
Side Note: I have tried and tested various products and services to help with my anxiety and depression. See my top recommendations here, as well as a full list of all products and services our team has tested for various mental health conditions and general wellness.
In this brief blog we answered the question how it is possible to cope from losing the love of your life. This blog aimed at imparting hope to the reader that, While the tunnel is a dark one, it is possible to find the light by the end of the tunnel by working on yourself.
FAQs:Coping with losing the love of your life
Here is what most people on the internet tried to inquire about when searching with how to cope with losing the love of their life.
What do you do when you lost the love of your life?
Give yourself time. It won’t get better in a day but eventually you will start to release the pain.
How do you embrace life?
If you have lost the love of your life then the first step to cope is to embrace your own journey in this life and focus on what gives your life purpose, happiness and meaning. Be fearless enough to chase after these things alongside your responsibilities.
Is it easy to lose your power?
Yes, it is if you don’t acknowledge that your power lies in you and you decide whom you can give your power away to.
Is life too short to have regrets?
Life is too short to fester in regret but feeling regret is a natural and normal part of life.
How do you cope with a broken heart?
Acknowledge the pain you feel first, express it and let it out. If you have lost the love of your life, one of the best ways to cope is to acknowledge the hurt but be hopeful about yourself. Coping with a broken heart from losing the love of your life is difficult but part of the process.
How do old people cope with losing their partner?
Assuming that they have spent a lot of time with their partner, they have more memories and probably fewer regrets but that doesn’t make the pain any less painful.