5 common things a narcissist will say during an argument

This article will show what are the most common things a narcissist can say during an argument. The article will explain what they will say those things, and what is on their mind as they do so.

What are the most common things a narcissist will say during an argument? 

If you are arguing with a narcissistic person, be sure that there are some things that they will easily say every time. Here are the most common argument techniques a narcissist will use when discussing with you.

Make a bigger deal than it is

Other people, when they are arguing with someone, will make a point by trying to understand what the other person is saying. This is because most people will try to take something productive out of an argument.

But for narcissists, it is not like that. When confronted with something, and the argument starts, they will never try to understand what the other person is saying. They will never try to cool the argument down, they will often make it bigger.

They will make a scene and act in a manipulative way, they will even go as far as accusing you of things. In that way, they may often tell you that they are just acting in a certain manner because you made them. 

Make you lose track of what you are saying

Narcissists are incredibly well-equipped to deal with emotional moments. That is what allows them to act cool, and nom-sealant as you are in an argument with them. They have developed techniques to use their words extremely well and to even make you lose your line of thought during an argument.

They can begin to have a rant and say things that are not related to the argument you are having, as a way of trying to divert your attention. 

They can become aggressive, and when you tell them what they are saying doesn’t make sense, they can go as far as telling you that you are not mature, or educated enough to have this conversation.

Bullying you in telling them they are right

When in an argument, the narcissist will aim to regain control over you. They can’t, at any time, feel that they have lost their power over you. And to keep that control they will begin to bully or intimidate you. 

If they feel that you are drifting away from them, they will likely begin to call you names or act overly emotional. Commonly, during these times the narcissist will yell, lie, and can even go to a point of physical aggression. 

As with many other argument techniques of the narcissists, in this one, they will also try to tell you that they are only acting in this manner as a reaction to what you have done. 

Narcissists can’t accept the fact that they may have done something wrong, or that they are responsible for something, so they will put all the responsibility on you.

Change the definitions 

In an argument with a narcissist, it is fairly common that they will change the definitions of things to fit what they need at the moment. Instead of assuming they have made a mistake, they will rather tell you that they had understood that the laws were different and that they didn’t know that wasn’t allowed.

For example, if you are in a romantic relationship with a narcissist, they may begin talking to other people in a flirty way. As you call them on it, they may begin to tell you that, from the understanding they had, this is not something that would qualify as cheating.

Lying to your face

Similarly, as they are arguing with you, narcissists will easily lie about something. They can deny they ever did something wrong, and go to a point as saying that you are delusional about your perception. 

Using the example given above, if your narcissist romantic partner was flirting with someone, and you caught them in the act, they will go to a point of telling you that you have imagined the whole thing, that you are delusional. 

This is commonly known as gaslighting, which happens when the person makes you feel as if you are insane about something you are saying. Which is extremely common with narcissists.

Deflect and attack

This is a common technique narcissists use when they are in an argument. As you begin to tell them what the problem is, they will use all the ability they have in manipulation to deflect from it. They will step away from what you are saying they are doing and will begin to talk about what you have done.

As they deflect your attention, they will go on full attack mode and begin to talk about things you may have said before or not. You may begin to feel puzzled, and won’t know how to respond. 

But if you decide you want to deal with this matter they have just brought up, they have won since they have managed to get your attention away from the first matter at hand.

With time, dealing with a narcissist that uses this technique often can make you feel overwhelmed since you won’t be able to deal with matters that are hurting you, without having a new load of issues dropped on you.

Find comfort in others

Narcissists need people to tell them they are right. So if at any point they realize you have seen through their mask, or have a firm belief that you are not willing to let go of it, they can begin to feel embarrassed, or even humiliated.

That is because although they see themselves as grand, their sense of self is extremely shaky, and it can all crumble with the slightest problem. So if they realize they won’t be able to win the argument with you, they will run to people that will offer them this validation.

This is when they may begin to bad mouth you to others, be it friends, or even family members. They need people to stand by them, and for that, they will use the evilest techniques, such as lying, and even manipulating others.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): What are the most common things a narcissist will say during an argument? 

Is there a cure to being a narcissist?

No, there is no cure to being a narcissist. What is possible is that the person with narcissistic traits or a narcissistic personality disorder will go to treatment, and that means therapy. At some point, although it is difficult for the narcissist, they can realize that they need to care for themselves, and their relationships.

In therapy, the narcissist will likely come to terms with the fact that they are not perfect, nor are the people surrounding them. They will probably be able to understand that they can’t expect that type of perfection, since it will only harm them.

They will also be able to set more realistic goals for themselves, so they don’t feel so often frustrated when they can’t achieve them. Some people with narcissistic traits can also use medication, but those are not related to the narcissism in itself, but rather to conditions such as anxiety, and depression that can happen to them often.

Why do narcissists enjoy arguments?

Narcissists will enjoy anything that will keep you focusing on them. It can be praising them, or even arguing with them. As you are arguing with a narcissist, they will often fuel it, in hopes of making things worse and worse so you get so tangled in that argument that you may even lose track of what started it in the first place.

In the end, the argument is just another way to keep their control over you. That is why, sometimes when arguing with a narcissist, the best thing is to just walk away. This takes the attention, and control they have over you, and prevents you from keeping to an argument that won’t take you anywhere.

Do narcissists apologize?

Yes, narcissists can apologize, but when they do it, they won’t do it in the same heartfelt way as other people would often do it. 

For the narcissist, the apology is yet another instrument they will use to keep you under their realm of control. They can say they are sorry, but you need to remember that narcissists are unable to feel empathy.

This makes it impossible for them to realize that their actions have hurt others and that they should feel sorry. 

So, if a narcissist ever apologizes to you, keep in mind they are probably doing it because they think that this apology will make them look good to you, or other. It can also be a way to regain their control over you since by apologizing, you can think they have changed.

What happens when I ignore a narcissist?

When you decide to move past them and ignore a narcissist, if they are still invested in you, they will begin to try even harder to get your attention. They will completely disregard the boundaries you have set and will try to gain your attention in the best way they can. 

They can also feel completely enraged by it, and as a reaction, they can begin to take revenge on you. This is when they will start to bad mouth you to others, and can even threaten to expose intimate things about you.

All sorts of manipulation techniques are expected as a way to get you back. They can go as far as to say that they will kill themselves if you don’t go back. But if the narcissist was close to being done with you, or understands that you are not going back, at some point they will just let you go and find someone else.

What makes a narcissist feel bad?

Anything that shows that the narcissist doesn’t have control over you anymore is something that will make them feel bad. So if you act in a way they couldn’t predict, or if you sustain yourself in a way that they can’t manipulate, it will often make them feel bad.

Going through situations that cause them to feel like they are not perfect, like going through a financial crisis, or not succeeding in something, will also make them feel miserable.

Conclusion 

This article explained what are the most common things a narcissist will say during an argument. It also gave a brief explanation of what may be going through their mind as they say it.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write them in the section below.

References

https://www.insider.com/phrases-narcissists-use-2018-8?amp

https://psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2018/08/narcissist-arguing#8