How to Set Boundaries in Dating? (3+ Relationship Tips)

This article will explore the boundaries in dating which everyone should know about before entering into a serious committed relationship. This article also looks at the guidelines regarding boundaries in dating from the Boundaries in Dating PDF book by Henry Cloud.

Boundaries in Dating

Here are a few tips for setting boundaries in dating:

• Don’t Tolerate Disrespect
• Nip It In The Bud
• Set Appropriate Physical Boundaries
• Learn To Draw The Line

Don’t Tolerate Disrespect

Respect is an essential component of every couple’s ability to grow in love. Each individual must feel that the person they are getting to know respects them. This entails regard or esteem for all parts of the other.

Dissing is also a concern in the dating world. This is a problem that goes beyond gossiping behind someone’s back to disrespecting one’s partner. Disrespect is a huge barrier to connection, intimacy, and a couple’s chances of marital success.

You really aren’t asking for special treatment if you’d like to be respected. Respect is not the same as love. It’s more about being treated the way you want to be treated. 

It can mean a variety of things, including the following: 

• Your feelings are valued.
• Your voice is heard and respected. 
• Your differences and opinions are respected. 
• Your decisions, even the bad ones, are respected.
• When you mess up, you are addressed with respect rather than being spoken down to or treated like a child.

Forms of Disrespect

Disrespect can manifest itself in a variety of ways, but it almost always entails a breach of independence:

• Dominating
• Withdrawal
• Manipulation
• Direct Violation
• Minimizing 
• Blaming
• Rationalizing

Nip It In The Bud

Early on, establish your boundaries. Make them crystal clear. Make sure they’re followed and enforced. In other words, nip it in the bud—whatever the issue is—and don’t let that weed grow in your relationship’s garden.

Things To Not Tolerate

Here are a few examples of things that must not be tolerated for an extended period of time: 

• Being neglectful of time or commitments
• Not following through on promises or commitments
• Making insulting or otherwise hurtful remarks, privately or in front of others
• Pressuring you into a physical relationship beyond what you are comfortable with
• Skeptical attitudes 
• Other consistent ways of damaging your feelings that are obviously their mistake and not your own sensitivities
• Unreasonable or reckless financial dealings, like presuming on your graciousness or patience
• Excessive criticism
• Controlling your life or behaviour

Set Appropriate Physical Boundaries

In essence, it is an indication that a person can defer gratification and exercise self-control, both of which are necessary for the ability to love. What makes you think they’ll be able to control themselves and defer pleasure in other areas of sacrifice for you if they can’t control themselves in this area?

If you avoid sex outside of marriage, you will then be able to learn a few valuable lessons while dating: 

• Is he or she interested in you for yourself or merely for sex? 
• Is he or she aware of other parts of intimacy and connection, or has he or she evaded cultivating those by focusing solely on sex?
• Outside of marriage, you must have a sex boundary. This boundary is given to you by God to safeguard you, and it does so in a variety of ways. 
• Sex serves a very important purpose and has a lot of value, dignity, and respect. Do not take your sexuality for granted, refusing to give it the respect it warrants.
• Sex is the greatest form of romantic love for a human, so it should be saved for the most significant romantic relationship you’ll ever have: your marriage. 
• Maintaining sexual boundaries will reveal the other person’s self-control, delayed gratification and capacity for loving unselfishly.
• Do not act in a lustful manner. It stands in the way of love, connection, and healing. It also ensures that there will be relational issues. 
• No matter what your partner claims, the only way of finding out what they are like when they are forced to respect a boundary is to say no to sex.

Learn To Draw The Line

Then, deal with the issue of never establishing boundaries until you’re in the midst of a major conflict or crisis in your relationship. 

Boundaries aren’t like a fire alarm box marked “break glass only in an emergency.” You don’t wait until you’re up against a brick wall to express your dissatisfaction with what’s happening. Boundaries should just be integrated into your life and relationship’s foundation.

Deal with your fear or unwillingness to setting boundaries. Many people are worried that saying no and setting limits and repercussions would signal the end of their relationship. In fact, boundaries aid in the assessment of your partner’s and relationship’s character.

What are Boundaries?

Boundaries are the lines that define and safeguard your “property.” Learn to cherish the feelings, values, behaviours, and attitudes that your boundaries safeguard. Boundaries allow you to be yourself rather than losing yourself in someone else. Since they help you grow as a person, healthy boundaries will enable you to attract better people.

Here are some of the things that borders define and safeguard in your life:

• Your love: your fundamental potential to bond and trust
• Your feelings: your need to own your feelings and not be governed by another’s feelings
• Your values: your want to have your life represent what you care about most profoundly
• Your attitudes: your views and beliefs about yourself and your partner
• Your behaviours: your power over how you behave in your relationship

What are Boundaries important?

Boundaries are necessary for two reasons. First and foremost, they define us. Boundaries define who we are and who we are not; they define what we agree and disagree with; they define what we value and dislike.

When these things are defined, relationships are much smoother. You fix many problems in advance once you are sure about your principles, interests, and ethics.

For instance, a woman might tell a guy she’s seeing that she’s concerned about her spirituality and looks for it in the ones she cares about. She’s informing him of something that defines her, and it’s in the open between them, so he knows who she is.

The second purpose of boundaries is to keep us safe. Boundaries keep the good stuff in and the bad stuff out. We can expose ourselves to toxic and damaging influences and persons if we don’t set firm boundaries.

Boundaries help you negotiate the risks that come with relationships.

• Boundaries are the lines that define and safeguard your “property.”
• Learn to cherish the feelings, values, behaviours, and attitudes that your boundaries safeguard.
• You would like the person you’re seeing to take responsibility for their life, just as you do. 
• Boundaries allow you to be yourself rather than losing yourself in someone else.
• Since they help you grow as a person, healthy boundaries will enable you to attract better people.

Conclusion

This article explored the boundaries in dating which everyone should know about before entering into a serious committed relationship. This article also looked at the guidelines regarding boundaries in dating from the Boundaries in Dating PDF book by Henry Cloud.

Frequently Asked Questions: Boundaries in Dating (A Guide + PDF)

References

Boundaries in Dating