Are you a narcissist flying monkey?

This article will help you understand if you are a narcissist’s flying monkey. For that, the article will explain what that is, and finally, it will show why people will often become flying monkeys. 

Are you a narcissist flying monkey?

Being a narcissist’s flying monkey implies that you are tangled in their web as they abuse others. This name was coined because of the movie The Wizard of Oz, and it talks about the flying monkeys that were always doing the dirty work that the Wicked Witch of The West told them to do.

You may notice that you have become a flying monkey to a narcissist if you are constantly defending them, or pleading to their benefit. So if at any moment someone raises a concern about the behavior of the narcissist, you may be even faster than the abused person in defending them.

The flying monkey will also be cast in the role of passing information between the narcissist, the person they are abusing, and even other people. Because of that, they are usually people that are within the abused group of family, and friends. 

The flying monkey is often someone that the narcissist will cast and groom. The narcissist will develop an intimate relationship with the flying monkey, that by then will be easily persuaded to do whatever the narcissist wants. 

And for that, they will spare no expenses. They can gaslight people, lie, become aggressive, guilt-trip and even manipulate others to get the job done.

A narcissist will usually have at least one flying monkey. And if they ever understand that the flying monkey they have around is beginning to question them, they will likely just discard them, as they do with everyone else, and just have another flying monkey.

Discovering you are a flying monkey is not easy. It will be something that causes you to thoroughly evaluate your life and your actions. Sometimes you may not even have realized you were getting in that place of being a narcissist’s flying monkey until you reach an impasse. And with that, you are left to understand what caused you to become a flying monkey.

Facing yourself in that way can lead to guilt and frustration. And you may want to avoid it as much as you can. But keep in mind that it is only through facing the truth, and all the pain you may have caused, that you will be able to step away from this position. 

Keep in mind that setting yourself free may be the first step towards setting other people free as well since when you learn about the narcissist, you can offer a loving hand to the person they are abusing. So if you feel you are caught in the role of the flying monkey, don’t blame yourself. 

Rather try to understand what leads you into this role, and work towards getting out. So if you are questioning what caused you to be a flying monkey, here are some of the most common reasons why someone can become a flying monkey.

What causes people to be flying monkeys? 

If you are wondering if you are a narcissist’s flying monkey, know that some people may have the disposition to develop the role of the narcissist’s flying monkey. They will often have one, or more of the traits or reasons to do so, as listed next.

You will do so to protect yourself

It can be that you become a narcissist’s flying monkey because you haven’t thought it through about how your actions will impact the person that is being abused by them. You just do things as you feel you need to do to protect yourself or even to be loved by others.

You can feel that the narcissist is the most prominent person in that group, and in the attempt of caring for yourself, you will align with them. So if at any moment anyone goes to question the narcissist, you will be more than ready to protect them. 

Be it by gaslighting others, or even manipulating or lying. The most important thing is that you keep your place close to the narcissist.

You can feel like they need to save the narcissist 

There are some people, mostly extremely empathetic people, that will have a built-up sense that they need to save others. So you may notice that the narcissist is not up to great things, but you have the idea that you will be able to save them, and because of that, you answer to their every need.

Because you often assume this role of rescuer, you can feel compelled to do exactly that for the narcissist and be valued by that effort you are putting towards caring for them.

You have lost the sense of who you are

Some flying monkeys can be so taken with the power of the narcissist, and how seductive they can be, that they lose complete sense of who they are. 

This will prevent them from having a clear notion of what right and wrong are, and may not know how to act if not by the narcissist’s design. So they just keep up in their job as the narcissist’s flying monkey 

You enjoy the drama 

Some people may keep being the flying monkey because they just love to be in this position in which all the drama is happening. They love being the knowledge that is inside all the information, and the lies and deception can be a turn-on for them.

You are a narcissist yourself

Since narcissism can happen on a spectrum, it can be that you are a flying monkey that can also have some narcissistic traits yourself. Because of that, you may enjoy the attention this situation gives you. You may also not be very empathetic, which causes you to not care about how the abused person is feeling.

So to some extent, being a narcissist’s flying monkey, when you are a narcissist yourself can lead you to be fulfilled all your needs.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): Are you a narcissist flying monkey? 

How can I disable a flying monkey? 

If you feel there is a flying monkey close to you, know that there are some ways you can disarm them, so you don’t fall for their lies. The first thing you should always do is run all the information the flying monkey gives you through a filter.

Try to have a rational mind at this point, and ask yourself if there is any chance of what is being said by them to be true. Aside from that, once you understand that there is a flying monkey among the people you love, you should make sure to let other people know.

This doesn’t mean that the flying monkey will be discarded from social interaction, but just that, in the same way, you are filtering all they tell you, others may also want to do the same, so they don’t fall victim to the flying monkey.

And finally, the most important way to not surrender to the flying monkey is to not play by their rules. They may begin to tell you things to make you envy their relationship with the narcissist. 

If you are not aware, you can quickly respond to that by trying to get closer and closer to the narcissist, but once you know about the games of the flying monkey, you can sustain yourself better.

What is narcissistic triangulation? 

Triangulation is a common technique that people will use as they are dealing with a conflict. When that happens, the two people that are inside the situation will often bring a third party to help ease the tension or to create another problem that will take the attention out of the main matter, or even so one of the parties can show they are right.

In narcissistic triangulation, this last reason seems to be the most common reason why it happens. When the couple is dealing with a problem, the narcissist will quickly bring someone else to the scene, who will abide by what they are saying.

In that, the conflict turns into a two against one situation, in which the other person may feel overpowered, and will quickly let go of the matter since they feel they can’t win. This is a clear manipulation technique that is often used by a narcissist.

How can I confuse a narcissist? 

If you want to make a narcissist confused, the first thing you can do is to mess with their sense of control. So being unpredictable, or doing things they wouldn’t approve of can often make them confused.

Aside from that, you can say no to them when they ask you for things and don’t show emotions as you interact with them. They are not used to that, and in fact, they use people’s emotions to guide them. Deciding to not share intimate information with them can also confuse them.

And finally, being the one that will walk away from them will render them shocked. If you ever walk away as they are talking, or suddenly cut out all forms of communication with them, they will not understand what has happened.

What causes narcissists to be enraged? 

Narcissists can often be enraged if they sense you caught them on something, and are trying to make them accountable for it. Aside from that, the narcissist will be angry when they are not the center of attention, or if they are ever criticized.

Being told that they are manipulating, or lying to others can also have the same effect on them. In the same way as feeling like they are not in control, or that they are not getting the special treatment they think they deserve.

What are the causes of narcissism?

Although there are still studies happening on trying to determine what are the root causes of narcissism, it seems that there is a genetic factor to it. This means that the person can get, from their family, some narcissistic traits.

It also seems to be heavily related to the environment in which the person has grown up. People with narcissistic personality disorder are often ones who either have been highly praised and pampered when they were little or ones that have gone through a cycle of abuse and neglect during their childhood.

There also seems to be a neurobiological matter that leads to narcissistic behavior. This means that the connection between the person’s brain, and how they react, can lead to this behavior.


This article helped you understand if you are a narcissist’s flying monkey. It explained what this is, and what are the reasons that lead people to become flying monkeys.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write them in the section below.


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