In this blog we will discuss the causes, symptoms and treatment of Anuptaphobia.
Anuptaphobia is an intense and irrational fear of staying single or not being involved in a romantic relationship with anyone.
It is a pathological fear of never finding a partner to share one’s life with. It occurs both in men and women and can cause serious mental health issues.
In every culture and society it is expected of a man to find a partner and start a life, the same is expected of women to reproduce before the biological clock ticks away.
Reproduction and the norm of forming a family to raise children poses a serious claim on the person’s mind.
He/she is forced into dating if by the 30’s they still haven’t found their significant other.
Success in many cultures is getting married and raising a family. This again imposes the person to be engaged in multiple relationships in the quest of finding a suitable partner.
The person suffering from Anuptaphobia is and will never be out of a relationship.
Anuptaphobia is not just a casual desire to partner with someone, but can even border on obsessions.
The person suffering from Anuptaphobia is always on the lookout for someone and in the process loses the person they actually are with at that moment.
When the Anuptaphobe is exposed to any thoughts of bachelors or spinsters, they suffer a full-blown panic attack.
This is not a rare phobia but still varies in severity. It can suddenly be developed or can take some time for symptoms to be severe.
Like most of the phobias, it is an irrational fear, but still it poses a threat to the sufferer’s psyche.
The daily activities of the sufferer are limited and in some cases the anxiety may also lead to depression.
Symptoms of Anuptaphobia
To avoid the experience of anxiety itself the individual may develop Anuptophobia, so as to avoid the very cause of the uncomfortable condition.
- Anxiety at the thought of being single
- Anxiety when seeing other people in relationships
- Unable to attend any event that involves couples, like attending engagement parties or weddings or baby showers.
These are intense and can begin without any prior warning. The person suffering from Anuptaphobia experiences the full physical intensity of either all of these or some of these in combination with others.
- hot flashes or chills
- shortness of breath a choking sensation
- rapid heartbeat (tachycardia)
- feeling faint
- dry mouth
- ringing in ears
- raised blood pressure
The Psychological Symptoms
During panic attack the person suffering from Anuptaphobia may experience the following
- fear of fainting
- feelings of dread
- fear of dying
- fear of losing control
- fear of harm
- fear of illness
- feeling Of hopelessness
- feeling of disconnect
- lack of concentration
- mood swings
Causes of Anuptaphobia
As with most phobias and anxieties, there is no clear consensus about what causes Anuptaphobia, but still a very plausible cause could be a fear of being left alone and not having someone to share their life with.
The most common explanation is a childhood traumatic episode where a child may have experienced a broken marriage of his parents, where one of them might have been left alone to fend for themselves and the child.
This very well maybe the cause of the person not wanting to end up alone like the parent from the broken relationship.
The person who suffers from Anuptaphobia just wants to be associated with someone who can give them a family or a security to spend life with. Happiness may or may not be essential for them.
This phobia develops mostly when the women reach the 30’s or late 30’s and start to feel anxious that it might be too late.
This then throws them in a frenzy of relations that are basically meaningless, further fueling their anxiety.
Person suffering from Anuptaphobia may suffer from low esteem and abandonment issues in childhood. Therefore, to compensate for these the fear thus develops.
They develop promiscuous behavior to attract the opposite sex, also they will or can stay in an abusive relationship only because of their fear of being single.
People may also be afraid of losing control because this is something that is not in their hands and not controlled by them, no matter how powerful a person is.
Thus, at the time he is suffering from the symptoms of Anuptaphobia, he/she feels totally helpless, aggravating their already hiked anxiety.
There are plenty of people with Anuptaphobia who cannot even recall the traumatic incident that would have developed this fear.
Scientists believe that a combination of genetic tendencies, brain chemistry, and other biological and environmental factors could cause such fears to develop.
As is common in specific phobias, the cause Anuptaphobia may lie deep in the person’s childhood or its onset may be due to an environmental factor.
Genetics also plays a pivotal role in the cause of developing Anuptaphobia
Other causes can be as follow:
• Learned behavior
• Traumatic experiences
Etiological Models of Anuptaphobia
1. Biological (Genetic) Model
Genetics also determines how a person reacts and feels. Therefore, people inherit fears and phobias as well from their families.
The brain cells (neurons) release certain chemicals called neurotransmitters. Serotonin and Dopamine are two neurotransmitters that in depleted states can cause anxiety like symptoms.
2. Psychodiagnostics Model
If a person has suffered from a traumatic experience in early childhood it can have a severe dire impact on his later life.
A childhood traumatic experience could be where children experienced a negative impact of events due to a change in their life.
This may leave a long lasting impression.
Reading books that have a detailed account of broken relationships and single miserable people, also anecdotes of unwarranted changes that altered the lives of these people, can add to the fears.
3. Behavioral Model
According to this model, irrational fears may be caused through behaviors that are learned by replication.
Children often replicate unique behaviors of their adults, parents or a favorite aunt or uncle.
If a family member is already suffering from anxiety or is scared of one or another thing, then chances are higher that only by observing this, the child may develop fears.
It is also commonly seen that various religions and societies of the world consider marriage and consummation a sacred rite that should be carried out. If not, then the person is reverted to sinning.
Living alone is also considered immoral to them.
Treatments of Anuptaphobia
Anuptaphobia can be treated through different treatments.
These include Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), Exposure Therapy, Neuro Linguistic Program (NLP), Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction MBSR) and forms of meditation.
1) Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT)
In CBT the therapist helps the client to amend his thoughts so that a desirable behavior can be achieved.
This therapy is effective, because if the thoughts or cognitions alter then there will be a lasting impact on behavior.
The therapist helps the client to discover the reason for this thought, his behavior in regards to changes in life. This therapy is goal oriented and short termed.
Therefore, the results are seen soon. It changes the way a person thinks and feels. CBT does not focus on probing the past to resolve current problems, rather it concentrates on the present situation.
Our thoughts determine how we act or react to certain stimuli and situations.
Therefore, negative thoughts bring about a negative behavior response or an undesirable behavior.
Whereas, positive thoughts propagate desirable and healthy attitude and response.
For the treatment of Anuptaphobia, the therapist separates the problem into parts.
These may include: thoughts, feelings and actions.
- What thought is invoked at the thought of staying single?
- How do you feel when you see unmarried people?
- What do you do when you think of staying single?
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is a form of CBT and designed by Albert Ellis.
According to Ellis, “people are not disturbed by things but rather by their view of things.” This is what subjective perspective is.
In Anuptaphobia, the person thinks of staying single and gets anxious because there is a fear of being alone for the rest of their lives.
2 Exposure Therapy
It is one of the most frequently used ways of treating patients with Anuptaphobia. In this therapy, the patient is exposed to the source of his fear over a certain span of time.
To begin with the therapy, the therapist exposes the patient to the least triggering stimuli.
As the therapy progresses and the patient is able to control his anxious feelings, imagery can be used to take the treatment a step further.
In this part of the treatment the patient is asked to visualize/imagine a situation that makes him anxious.
During this process of imagery, one actually feels being in that particular situation or place, experiencing various senses.
Once the person successfully, without feeling anxious clears this step of the therapy, he is then exposed to real life situations.
While the patient is being exposed to different intensities of stimuli during the various stages of therapy, the therapist simultaneously teaches them coping exercises.
These include, breathing techniques or muscle relaxation methods to lower their anxiety, when in an actual fear/anxiety causing situation.
This teaches them how to remain calm when exposed to the fear stimuli.
Before actually starting the exposure therapy, the therapist needs to figure out the intensity of the patient’s fear, as to deduce whether they will be able to undergo this treatment, without any physical or psychological harm caused to them during the exposure processes.
3) Neuro Linguistic Program (NLP)
In this therapy the client is asked to
- Access the phobia in a safe environment.
- Help them to replay the phobia along with happy emotions.
- Disassociate from the phobia.
4) Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)
MBSR involves being aware of one’s own thoughts, feelings and reducing the interference from around the environment.
We do not pay attention to how we process the various stimuli that affect us.
We do not process the way our bodies feel and respond, there is no focus on our thoughts and how these thoughts are influencing our emotions.
In MBSR, the client is ‘woken up’ to actually experience the various senses. ‘Focus’ is the keyword!
In Anuptaphobia treatment, the client is made conscious to pay attention to his thoughts when he is thinking of what he is afraid of.
Awareness helps to alleviate the stress symptoms.
For meditation to be effective during treatment, the mind is cleared off all the clutter of random thoughts.
The mind and body are made to be ‘in sync’ with each other, so that the feared stimulus does not invoke a negative thought.
The client will meditate during the thoughts of death and concentrate on his breathing patterns in the presence of the feared stimulus.
6) Self-Help Groups
Self Help groups are an effective type of therapy, in which the client does not find himself as a lone sufferer. These groups are individuals who are afflicted with the same types of phobias.
They come together to share their thoughts, experiences and their coping strategies. This also helps in developing a ‘sense of I am not the only one’ suffering.
7) Changing Lifestyle
Breaking down the dullness of the daily, helps break down anxiety as well.
• Take up jogging or go for daily walks:
Developing a walk routine can damper the way our negative thoughts control our behavior.
• Indulging in an exercise regime:
Vigorous exercise like aerobics has proved to reduce or alleviate the symptoms of stress and anxiety.
Exercise helps the mind to cope with stress and stressful situations better. This is what the American Psychological Association has to say about inducting exercise to eliminate stress or phobias.
• Altering eating and drinking habits:
Cutting down on fatty foods and caffeine can improve self-image, that in turn leads to a raised self-esteem.
This finally diminishes the symptoms of stress to a bare minimum. With high intake of caffeine, the body resembles a ‘fight or flight’ response, thus giving way to anxiety.
• Improving the sleep cycle:
When we get proper rest, our concentration improves.
8) Psychiatric Medication
There are a number of medicines that the Psychiatrist can prescribe if the symptoms of Genuphobia are severe.
Anxiolytics (anti-anxiety drugs)
These should only be taken after the consultation with the doctor and shouldn’t be initiated or discontinued as per personal discretion.
These medicines are not only used to treat depression, but also to alleviate the symptoms of Genuphobia as well as other phobias.
Medicines alone might not be as effective, but if used in conjunction with therapies then the results will be better.
Side Note: I have tried and tested various products and services to help with my anxiety and depression. See my top recommendations here, as well as a full list of all products and services our team has tested for various mental health conditions and general wellness.
9) Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
This kind of therapy is used to regulate the emotions. A technique called “half-smiling” is used where the client is asked to lift the corners of his mouth when the feared thought comes to his mind.
Apart from this the mind is to be trained to refrain from thinking about the painful stimulus.
Coping Ahead is another technique in DBT that requires the client to sit quietly and think of the feared situation and strategize what he will do.
We are always here to answer if you have any queries.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is there a phobia of falling in love?
Yes. The phobia of falling in love is called Philiophobia; it is an irrational fear of falling in love or being romantically involved with someone.
How common is Anuptaphobia?
Anuptaphobia is one of the common phobias and the person and the severity also varies from person to person.
What if I never find love?
Love does not always mean romantic affiliation. It comes in many forms.
Even if a person does not find romantic love, it does not mean he/she is inept.
You need to learn to love yourself first, then others. Do things that make you happy and you will find love in all the small and big things.
Is it ok to be single forever?
There are many people who are single and happy.
You should be happy with whatever you do and love yourself first to be able to love others.
Titles to Read
- The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne PhD | May 1, 2020
- Anxiety, Phobias, and Panic by Reneau Peurifoy | Feb 1, 2005
- Dying of Embarrassment: Help for Social Anxiety and Phobia by Barbara G. Markway, C. Alec Pollard, et al. | Oct 1, 1992
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Made Simple: 10 Strategies for Managing Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Panic, and Worry by Seth J. Gillihan Ph.D | May 22, 2018
- The CBT Deck: 101 Practices to Improve Thoughts, Be in the Moment & Take Action in Your Life by Seth Gillihan | Jun 11, 2019
Examples of other interesting phobias
What we recommend for Phobias
- If you are suffering from Phobias then ongoing professional counselling may be your ideal first point of call. Counselling will utilize theories such as Cognitive behavioural therapy which will help you address the fears you are facing.
- Phobias and anxiety go hand in hand and in the end they result in Panic. A panic course such as this may help you alleviate those feelings of fears as it has with over 50,000 people.
Weighted Blankets may help you sleep better if your phobias are affecting your quality of sleep. Weighted blankets apply enough weight on you that they make you feel much more relaxed and calm at night