Anger Management (A complete guide)

Controlling anger before it controls you

Many people think that anger management is about learning to suppress your anger. …

The true goal of anger management isn’t to suppress feelings of anger, but rather to understand the message behind the emotion and express it in a healthy way without losing control  

What is anger?

Anger is an emotional reaction towards someone or something that you feel has deliberately done something wrong to you.

It is a basic emotion but when its frequency, intensity and duration increase it is characterized as dysfunctional.

Anger management includes skills that help to recognize the triggers for anger as early as possible and expressing these feelings and frustrations in a cool, calm and collected way.

Effects of anger 

Chronic anger can have serious consequences for your health:

• Physical health. Constant anger keeps your body in the state of fight and flight with an elevated level of stress. High stress and anger make you vulnerable to heart diseases, diabetes, hypertension, and insomnia.
• Mental health. Anger maintains a storm of negative thoughts in your mind which consumes a lot of your mental energy with a continuous decrease in your thinking and concentration ability. Chronic anger can cause stress, depression, sleep issues, and other mental health problems. 
• Relationships. Anger can cause bitterness in relationships with friends, kids, family, and colleagues. People feel uncomfortable and hesitate to talk to an angry person.
• Career. Angry reactions to someone at the workplace erodes element of respect and hinders your future progress in the professional career. 

Here are the ways to manage your anger 

How to know your anger level

Anger thermometer is a tool that helps you to recognize and understand the anger.

Anger level is measured by rating your feelings when you get angry on the thermometer from 1 to 10 and describe what you feel when you get angry.  

Identifying the warning signs of anger 

So as to manage anger we should first identify the warning signs that is, the physical and behavioral responses to anger.

With insight about the causes of anger, the management techniques would function better.

Becoming aware of your personal anger signs helps you to take steps to keep your anger under control.

Practice Deep Breathing exercise

Deep breathing is inhaling slowly through nose while counting to four, pause for four counts, and then slowly breathe out through the mouth; counting to six.

Repeating the sequence will create maximum relaxation and reduces the stress that can turn into anger.

Distract yourself

The best technique to manage anger is by distracting yourself in the situation of anger.

You can deviate your attention from anger provoking stimulus by counting backward from 30 to 0.

You may start at 100 if you feel blown. 

Go for a walk

Walking exercise releases mood enhancing hormones and helps to gain control over your mind and reduces anger, stress. 

Muscle relaxation exercise

Progressive muscle relaxation exercise (16 PMR) stretches and relaxes 16 muscles of your body to release tension.

It is coupled with slow deep breathing with repetition of phrases that relaxes you for example, “Relax”, “Take it easy”, “You will feel better”.

Anger coping thoughts 

You can encourage yourself that you are in charge of your anger by saying anger coping statements to yourself.

Some examples are:

Take it easy!

I can handle this!

Maybe they want to make me angry. I’m going to disappoint them.

I can control my anger. Yes I have full control over my body and emotions.

Cost-benefit analysis

Weighing the costs and benefits of anger helps you reflect on the disadvantages of anger on your health, personality, and relationships. 

Costs	Benefits

You may also see https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/anger-management/art-20045434.

Tear your anger into little pieces

Writing out your feelings, thoughts emotions when you get angry could be effective as it helps to let go of the feelings and disturbing thoughts from your mind on the paper.

Then tear it into little pieces and “throw the anger away.”

You can also imagine that your anger is slowly leaving you In little pieces as you throw it in the trash. 

Draw it!

Some people find drawing to be relaxing. You can draw your anger and throw it away afterwards. 

Anger diary 

An effective strategy for improving emotional awareness is by recording relevant events in your anger diary.

It will help to keep a record of when you became angry, and for what reasons, which can help you understand the anger more comprehensively.

Shortly, anger diary will help you to recognize your temper before it reaches explosive levels. 

Think before you speak

Count to 10 before you speak. Give yourself a time before you respond/speak.

This time will help you be calmer and more concise.

Find the most immediate solution

You might be angry that your child has once again left their room a mess before going to visit a friend.

You can shut the door; temporarily end your anger by putting it out of your view.

Look for similar resolutions in any situation.

Bubble breaths

It is an extremely useful and concrete relaxation technique that helps you to calm down, release stress and helping you to become aware of your mind-body connections.

Punch a pillow

If you are really angry and feel incapacitated to control it and want to express the anger then do pillow punching.

It will release your excess energy without causing harm to yourself and others.

Listen to music

Let music drive your anger away. Listen to your favorite music to relax you and lighten your mood. 

Humor 

Humor helps to reduce tension by lightening the situation.

Using humor also helps you to face your anger and deal with it in a lighter mood but avoid sarcasm.

Talk to someone you trust

Talking to a friend, siblings or anyone you love releases stress. You just need a good listening ear.

Expressing your feelings, thoughts, and perspective will make you ease and reduces your anger.

Take a good sleep

Lack of proper sleep continues the cycle of negative thoughts and makes you feel more agitated, stressed and short-tempered.

Seven to nine hours of sleep is considered a good quality sleep.

Avoid alcohol and drugs

Drugs lower your inhibitions and make it difficult for you to control anger.

Even high level of caffeine makes you irritable and prone to anger.

Role-play 

You can prevent an outburst by rehearsing what you’re going to say or how will approach the problem in future.

This rehearsal gives you time to role-play numerous possible solutions.

Imagine forgiving the other person

It is difficult to resolve a conflict without forgiving the person.

Imagine yourself forgiving the person, it assists you to at least think in lighter frame of mind about that person and lowers your anger towards them.

Gain perspective 

Try to gain perspective by putting yourself at other person’s place and think that now your anger is rationalized or not.

Practice good listening skills

Listening will help to improve communication by developing feelings of trust among people.

Good listening skills can assist you in dealing with hostile emotions.

This approach clarifies misunderstandings without getting into fight. 

Seek help before you cross bottom line

Anger is an emotion experienced by everyone but if your anger turns to aggression and outburst, you need to find ways to deal with it.

Controlling anger is a challenge for everyone at times initially.

If you don’t find these tips helpful then consult a therapist or mental health practitioner who would work on underlying factors that contribute to anger and other emotional issues. 

Conclusion 

Anger is completely a normal human emotion but when it gets out of control it becomes destructive leading to various issues in personal and interpersonal relationships and health problems.

But we can manage anger by keeping control on our body, practicing deep muscle relaxation, distracting our mind, monitoring our thoughts, adding music, drawing, sports and humor in our life. 

Also, think before you speak, keep a record of your anger, identify warning signs, release excess energy through exercise, avoid drug abuse, talk to a trustworthy person, find immediate positive solution, improve your communication skills, have a good sleep and consult a mental health practitioner if your anger is getting out of control.   

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Please feel free to comment on the content or ask any questions in the comments section below.

Citations

Faupel, A., Herrick, E., & Sharp, P. M. (2017). Anger Management: A Practical Guide for Teachers. Routledge.

Health line “How to control Anger” 

Hall, T. M., Kaduson, H. G., & Schaefer, C. E. (2002). Fifteen effective play therapy techniques. Professional psychology: Research and practice, 33(6), 515.

Anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper. (2018, May 4). Retrieved from  Mayo clinic “Anger management art”

Holland, K. (2019, September 13). How to Control Anger: 25 Tips to Manage Your Anger and Feel Calmer. Retrieved from https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/how-to-control-anger.

Nelson III, W. M., Finch Jr, A. J., & Ghee, A. (2012). Anger management with children and adolescents.