Enneagram subtype 9w8 relationships (A guide)

In this blog post, we will talk about the Enneagram subtype 9w8 relationships and social role. Keep reading if you want great 9w8 relationships advice. 

The 9w8 Enneagram subtype

These individuals combine inner strength and endurance with the ability to be pleasant and to caress others.

They are at the same time strong and delicate, able to relate very easily to people but also to things; mediates people and reduces conflicts.

He is always looking for new projects to change his routine periodically. 

They are practical and concerned about their immediate needs, as well as the physical and financial aspects that surround them.

More sociable than the other subtype, they generally prefer to work in a team. They excel in self-help and consulting professions and can be very efficient in business, especially in negotiations and human resources.

A 9w8 of medium subtype likes to be in society and have fun and are tempted to get lost in sensuality or comfortable habits that can prevent them from focusing on important goals.

They can be stubborn and defensive, they tend to stand still and not listen to anyone. 

Most are temperamental people and it is difficult, as a rule, to figure out what triggers their unstable attitudes: threats to their own well-being or family, job, or beliefs – these are the most common reasons.

They can be brutal and explosive, only to suddenly return to a state of calm and placidity.

9w8 relationships and social role

9w8 people usually create a social role, considering themselves uniquely, banal, insignificant.

They are the modest ones who are content to sit in the background and not bother the rest of the world. 

They feel that their own presence, opinion, and involvement are of no importance or consistency.

However limiting it may be, this behaviour gives them a lot of security and satisfaction – it allows them to minimize their hopes and expectations so that they never end up feeling frustrated, rejected, angry, or disappointed.

The social role of the Nine type is not easy to grasp, although it becomes palpable, once met personally, face to face. The personality of the Nine types is like a ring with a stone, or like the frame of a painting.

Their attention is focused on the stone or the painting, not on their own person, and their sense of identity or self-esteem increases if they are involved in a relationship (be it imaginary) with a person they perceive as more valuable.

Considering themselves devoid of special features, they acquire good camouflage, the ability to confuse with the background, where no one and nothing will touch them, and the hope that if they do not take care of themselves, others will notice their humility and reluctance. and they will come to their aid. 

If they stay in their hidden positions, life will not bring them suffering, pain or tragedy. Unfortunately, this is not the case – last but not least, they tend to be lonely and depressed.

Opportunities fly by and people around them start to take them seriously.

Left to their own devices, this social role can reduce them considerably

energy level and confidence in their ability to cope with life. They become depressed, get tired very quickly and very easily, end up requiring more and more hours of sleep.

Any positive course of action is getting closer and closer to the impossible.

Idealizing the other, in a relationship

9w8 people idealize those around them and live based on a few primary identifications, such as family and a few friends.

As they continue to do so, they begin to relate to that person’s idea, not to the person themselves, as they really are.

For example, a Nine idealizes his family, but if one of the children has a drug problem or some other serious crisis, it will be extremely difficult for him to accept this reality.

Idealization allows them to focus on others, not themselves, to have a positive emotional reaction to others, satisfying the message of the superego: “Everything is fine if those around you are well.” 

Usually, they are attracted to stronger and more aggressive people, expecting them to bring “justice” into the relationship.

Their energetic and dynamic friends bring them the vitality they tend to repress in themselves. 

Often, this unspoken agreement works quite well, since more assertive people are looking for people to follow them in everything they propose or undertake.

The idealization of others maintains (or even amplifies) self-respect and trust: if they have an exceptional or well-known relationship with someone, their sense of self-worth increases.

There are, however, three major dangers to this arrangement. First of all, the Nine types can be used and trampled on by these assertive, independent and aggressive people.

Second, idealized individuals will quickly lose interest in the Nine who indulges and lacks a sense of adventure. 

Third, and most importantly, if they persist in trying to fill themselves with the other’s energy and vitality, it is very unlikely that they will ever make an effort to reconnect with their own vitality.

9w8 relationships advice 

The – I DESERVE – exercise: 

Make a list of the things in your life that stimulate you. Not censor you. What kind of person would you be, if you could?

What steps could you take today to become that person? Or this week? Or this year?

Fighting self-forgetfulness

Despite being good spiritual seekers, they often try to reap the psychological and emotional benefits of inner work by doing the opposite of the purpose of being present.

It decouples, numbing itself in the face of true feelings, dissociating itself from reality, but still expecting to function effortlessly within it. 

Ironically, they want the union between the world and themselves to exist, but they only get the false peace of dissociation and numbness – the thread of peace is so finely stretched that anything can break it.

Like any other ego project, it is doomed to failure.

On the outside, they may look very active, but this is just a mask, an avoidance of trouble.

A 9w8 person is agitated and deals with all sorts of nonsense, in order to postpone the resolution of important issues.

In this state, I do not understand why the world around them becomes frustrated with them.

They don’t bother anyone, so why would anyone be mad at them?

They are not aware of how frustrating their inappropriate reactions can be to others; they also get rid of the fact that they are building the trap they fear the most: the detachment and irresponsibility of people of the New Medium-Unhealthy type will lead to the separation and loss of loved ones.

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Conclusions

In this blog post, we talked about the Enneagram subtype 9w8 relationships and social role. 

9w8 people usually create a social role, considering themselves uniquely, banal, insignificant.

They are the modest ones who are content to sit in the background and not bother the rest of the world. 

They feel that their own presence, opinion, and involvement are of no importance or consistency.

However limiting it may be, this behaviour gives them a lot of security and satisfaction – it allows them to minimize their hopes and expectations so that they never end up feeling frustrated, rejected, angry, or disappointed.

If you have any questions, comments or recommendations, please let us know in the comments section below!

FAQ about 9w8 relationships

Which Enneagram types are most compatible?

The most compatible Enneagram types are Type 6 with Type 8; Type 7 with Type 5; Type 8 with type 9 and Type 9 with Type 6. 

What is a 9w8?

The 9w8 Enneagram types are practical and concerned about their immediate needs, as well as the physical and financial aspects that surround them.

More sociable than the other subtype, they generally prefer to work in a team.

They excel in self-help and consulting professions and can be very efficient in business, especially in negotiations and human resources.

Which Enneagram type is most stubborn?

The most stubborn Enneagram type is type 9.

They do not want their pleasant states to be disturbed by others and often resist through passivity, remain silent, stubborn.

At the lower, unhealthy level, they fall into a deep apathy about their lives and can become sluggish, erased and unproductive. 

What does a healthy Enneagram 9 look like?

Healthy Enneagram 9s are typically friendly and reconciling, but with a very keen sense of purpose, especially when it comes to their own ideas.

Good as therapists.
counsellors or priests, balance their traits of good listeners, free from prejudice, with the desire to help others.

What do Enneagram 9s need to hear?

Enneagram 9s need to hear: Learn the value of the word “no”.

It is perfectly natural not to want to disappoint those around you, but when you are offered a proposal that you do not agree with, it is better to make known the limits you want to impose, than to say “Yes” and say then regret it later. 

Further reading

The Wisdom of the Enneagram: The Complete Guide to Psychological and Spiritual Growth for the Nine Personality Types, by Don Richard Riso 

Enneagram Self-Discovery: Understand Personality Types to Enhance Your Spiritual Growth & Build Healthy Relationships, by Elliot Hudson 

The Enneagram Of Personality: Why Discovering Your Unique Personality Type Is Essential For Your Personal Growth, by Arthur Canfield 

The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery (The Road Back to You Set), by Ian Morgan Cron

The Sacred Enneagram: Finding Your Unique Path to Spiritual Growth, by Christopher L. Heuertz  

References

The Wisdom of the Enneagram: The Complete Guide to Psychological and Spiritual Growth for the Nine Personality Types, by Don Richard Riso 

Enneagrampaths.com

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