9 ways to let go of hurt and betrayal.
This article will show you what are the 9 best ways to help you let go of hurt and betrayal in a relationship.
9 ways to let go of hurt and betrayal.
If you are dealing with hurt and betrayal in a relationship, here are the 9 best ways to deal with it.
Step out of denial and figure out how it makes you feel
When you are dealing with hurt and betrayal, it may be that you step into denial. That works as a defensive mechanism, to help you ease the pain that comes with betrayal. But at some point, to deal with what is happening, you may need to let go of denial, and face the hurt head-on.
Being open to accepting what happened implies that you will be able to recognize how the betrayal hurt you, and what else this is making you feel. Accepting the pain doesn’t mean that you are stuck with it forever, but rather that you will look at it, and try, in the best way possible, to name it, process, and deal with it, instead of just suppressing it all.
In this process, some people may go to self-blame behavior, and this may make it all even more hurtful. During this process, try to differentiate what is your responsibility, and what is not. Don’t think that you are responsible for other people’s wrongdoing.
Get some distance
Getting some distance from the person that has harmed you can offer you the possibility of thinking over what you are feeling, and looking at the situation from a different perspective. You may need to consider how it would feel like to be every day with the person that has caused you so much pain.
The distance can help you understand if it is possible to give your partner a new chance, or if the severity of the pain that was caused makes it impossible for you to move on with this relationship. It can also allow you to assess how this betrayal will come up in future feuds the two of you have.
Once you have been betrayed by someone, taking around one month of distance will help you not make a decision solely based on your emotions, but also on how you see this relationship working in the future.
Know that you are enough
When we are betrayed by someone we love, it will quickly make us question if we did something wrong, or if we are not enough. It can affect your self-esteem and shake your sense of self-worth. This has such a detrimental impact on you that can make you question pretty much every decision you have made in life.
And if you don’t talk about it with other people, they will hardly have the chance to show you that this is not true. This line of thought may cause you to try to hold on to the relationship in any way you can, even by taking the blame for what was done to you.
This can become even worse if your partner is being abusive and trying to justify their behavior with things you have done in the past. To deal with this mindset you must try to work on a more positive frame, and consider if you are responsible for any of it. If you are, then you should focus on taking accountability for it, and move on from the victim role.
But if what happened is not your responsibility, focus on understanding if it is time to let go, or keep working on this relationship. For that, you may need to stand up for yourself, and make your partner listen to what you have to say.
Learn what you want from life
To deal with hurt and betrayal it is always important to know that your life is not defined by this relationship. Having an idea of what you want for yourself and your life outside of this relationship can help you get some perspective.
It is also something that will allow you to see that you won’t be in pain, or grieving forever. And this is not denying the pain you feel, but mostly setting yourself up for the life ahead. You should focus on making short, and longer-term plans for yourself.
Develop a plan on how you plan to achieve these things, and enjoy them. If you don’t have any idea of where to start, you can begin by getting a new hobby, doing some volunteer work, or even meeting new people.
Keep yourself open
Dealing with hurt and betrayal may often cause you to think that all relationships will be like that. So after you move past that hurt, you can feel like you will never open yourself up again, be it to the partner that hurt you, or to other people.
Once you decide what you are going to do, take action and be open to learning that the world is not so bad. You may have experienced hurt, but there are still a lot of people that can be caring and genuine.
Talk to someone
Dealing with hurt and betrayal can be something extremely difficult to do on your own. Having people around you that are open to listening to you in a caring, and supportive way can help you get some relief and perspective.
Identify the people in your life that you feel comfortable talking to, it can be your family members, friends, and sometimes even a therapist. Externalizing how you feel will help you name your emotions, get a better sense of the size they are, and help you deal with them.
Focus on self-care
When we are dealing with hurt and betrayal you may just feel the urge to let go of yourself. You may want to just stay in bed all day, go partying every day, and binge drink, but that won’t help you deal with what has happened to you.
With time, you may need to focus on caring for yourself more positively. Treat yourself with respect, and do things that bring you joy. You can get a massage, start working out and drink healthy smoothies.
Focusing on self-care is a way of showing you know you are worth it, and that you want to reconnect with who you are be it in a relationship, or out of it.
Do what you need to to let go
In letting go of the hurt and betrayal, it may be important to realize what you want to do with what has been done to you. Some people may opt to retaliate, while others may just focus on caring for themselves and moving on.
At this moment you must try to decide what way you want to go. Retaliating can give some sense of comfort to people, but it is also a way to keep you connected to this story and can lead to something serious. So if it is possible, try to work on moving on.
Meditation can be a powerful tool when trying to let go. Find a meditation that can help you focus and visualize letting go so little by little you allow yourself to move on from that story that has brought you so much pain.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): What are the 9 best ways to let go of hurt and betrayal?
What are the stages of betrayal trauma?
Betrayal trauma is usually divided into 7 stages, each of them marked by specific feelings you can experiment on them. First, it co es the shock, that happens as soon as you discover about the betrayal, and find it hard to believe that this has happened to you.
That state of disbelief will often lead to the next stage, which is denial. In this stage, you can act as if the betrayal hasn’t happened. Following that, comes the obsession stage in which you will be constantly thinking about what happened. This can go on for a few weeks, or even a few months.
After that, you may be filled with a sense of rage, and that is when you have reached the anger stage. This is when you will start to express how you feel, and it can lead you to lash out at pretty much anyone. Following this stage, it is likely that you will experience bargaining, in which you will try to plead to God, or the universe to fix the situation you are in.
But once you realize that the betrayal has happened, you will be extremely sad, and this is called the depressive stage. But at some point, you may begin to come to terms with what has happened, and it is then when it will be said you have accepted it.
How can I go back on trusting people after a betrayal?
After a betrayal, it can be difficult to trust people again. To do so, the first thing you should do is embrace your vulnerability, and learn how to trust yourself. This will make it easier for you to open yourself up to people.
Aside from that, you may want to work towards forgiving the people that have harmed you, but if that is not possible, at least try to forgive yourself. You should never push yourself too hard to deal with the pain, so give yourself time to grieve, but at some point make sure to get out of the victim role.
When you begin to interact with other people, make sure to still keep your expectations high. It is not because you got hurt, that you should accept just anything to feel better. And try to do us on what is ahead of you, and on looking at things from a different perspective. Sharing your story can also be an extremely powerful way to let the past go, and focus on the present.
Can giving my partner space fix our relationship?
It is not possible to say that giving your partner space will fix all the issues in your relationship, but it may be safe to say that giving them some space can be a great way for the two of you to gain a different perspective on what was happening, and maybe talk about it in a while with a clear, and calmer mind, making it a lot easier to deal with the conflict.
Is it safe to trust someone that has betrayed me already?
Yes, it is possible to trust someone that has betrayed you already. But this implies two things: that you can heal, and forgive them for what they have done to you. And also that they acknowledge, and try to work on showing you that you can trust them again.
This article showed you what are the best 9 ways to let go of hurt and betrayal in a relationship.
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