Getting over a breakup is never easy. When your heart is broken, moving on feels like the last thing you can do. In order to lead a happier life, it is important to try and heal your past relationship wounds.
Heartbreaks often affect more than one aspect of our lives. You find it difficult to do daily routines and feel depressed or anxious. When going through a breakup, some people isolate themselves while others may act reckless.
If you really love your partner and you’re not ready to let go yet then try to fight for them. See if you can still make it work. If nothing works and you both decide that it’s not going to work out then you really need to make some changes in your life to move from that relationship.
9 Tips On How to get over a breakup when you still love them
Here are a list of 9 ways you can start getting over your breakup:
- Avoid Contact
- Respect Boundaries
- Accept the Past
- Keep away from Reminders of the Relationship
- Concentrate on Self
- Talk to Someone
- Divert your Focus
- Increase Social Interactions
- Slowly, Put Yourself Back Out There
Let us discuss them in detail:
When going through a break-up, it’s best to take some time apart from each other. Meeting or talking to your ex soon after the breakup may cause rekindling of emotions which may lead to unhealthy patterns.
If you want to remain friends with your ex, you need to give each other some space and time to process the emotions of the break up and accept that you are no longer a couple. Once you both feel that you are in a place where you can be friends again, you can reconnect.
When you cut off contact with your ex, you also need to cut off contact with his/her friends and family members. Asking and enquiring about your ex after the breakup will only prevent you from moving forward in your life.
If your breakup was messy and you know that you don’t want to see your ex ever again, despite the fact that you may still love them, it is always best to block them from your contacts, as well as social media.
After a messy breakup, people are more vulnerable and tend to try to reach out to their ex because they either feel guilty or ashamed. In this case, blocking your ex is the wiser choice so you are not tempted to contact them either.
It is important to respect each other’s boundaries after a breakup. Both you and your ex need time and space to move on from your relationship. Some people pick up unhealthy habits such as ‘stalking’ their exes to keep a check on them after a breakup.
Stalking can be of two types, physically following your ex to see where they’re going and who they’re meeting, and cyberstalking where they monitor and evaluate their ex’s social media interactions.
It is extremely toxic to stalk your ex after a breakup. You become emotionally distressed and just end up hurting yourself. Try to avoid going to places close to their house so that you don’t bump into them by mistake.
It is also best to avoid going to your ex’s favourite or regular places. Bumping into you can also cause him/her to feel upset or emotional. It is unhealthy to cause each other additional pain after a breakup.
If you and your ex have a child or pet together, then it is important to not shy away from those responsibilities because of the break up. Come up with a plan or strategy with your ex so you can divide your responsibilities but have minimum interactions with each other.
Once you feel that you are in a more stable place, emotionally, you can start spending time together as friends. But it is important for both of you to have moved on, otherwise, this may reignite some flames which can become toxic later on.
Accept the Past
Acceptance is the most important part of a break up. Coming to terms with the fact that your relationship has ended can be very difficult for most people, especially if it was a very long relationship.
Accepting what you had in the past and that there is no future for you together as a couple is essential for the moving on process. Some people tend to live in a fantasy thinking that their ex may come back to them some day, but these are harmful thoughts that prevent you from moving on.
What you had together may have been very special and beautiful but most likely, towards the end of the relationship, you may have had endless fights and arguments which eventually led to the breakup.
Recalling only the good moments and not the tough times is natural after a breakup. But if you dwell on the past for too long, you may end up stuck there and unable to move on with your life.
Keep Away From Reminders of the Relationship
Anything that reminds you of your relationship should be deleted, hidden, thrown away or burned after your breakup. Reminders of the relationship will only cause you more grief.
Different things like pictures, clothes (each other’s), jewellery, and other gift items should either be boxed up or destroyed. No one needs unnecessary reminders of something that didn’t work out.
Looking back at the good times of the relationship will only cause you more sorrow. If you do not want to discard these items, you can always put them away from sight and revisit them when you’re ready to decide what to keep and what not to keep.
Reminders of the relationship can also be in different places. You may have a favourite restaurant that you always went to together, or a park where you walked together, or even a city that you visited together.
Visiting these places may trigger a blast from the past so it’s best to avoid such places until you are ready to make new memories in them with other people.
Concentrate on Self
After a break up, it’s good to focus on yourself. Being in a relationship, sometimes people forget about individuality and tend to concentrate on being a couple more than being themself.
It is necessary to love yourself and accept yourself for who you are. For some, it may come easily or naturally but for others, it is very difficult. Fixating only on your flaws makes you feel incompetent and bad about yourself.
One needs to get to a place where they can accept their flaws and embrace them as a part of their personality. Take care of yourself by eating right, getting plenty of exercise and stick to a proper sleep schedule.
Listening to sad songs and crying over your ex will not get you anywhere. You need to push yourself to get out of bed every day and be physically active. Try listening to motivational music or speeches that will help you through these tough times.
Yoga and meditation can also be a healthy adaptation in your daily routine. These help you to calm your nerves and stay both mentally and physically fit. You can even try spoiling yourself with spas and retail therapy.
Buying new clothes for yourself or getting a makeover can also help you feel more confident about yourself. You can also try new things like different cuisines, road trips, or even things that your ex didn’t want to try out with you.
Talk to Someone
Everybody needs a safe space to vent about how they feel and what they’re going through. If you have close friends to vent to, you should meet up with them and let them get you through your difficult times.
On the other hand, if you feel that you don’t have anyone to open up to and feel safe with, you can always seek professional help from a therapist. Talking to someone and seeking emotional support is something that everyone needs after a heartbreak.
The more you keep your feelings and emotions suppressed inside, the more likely you are to sulk and eventually be depressed.
Divert your Focus
After your breakup, you may find yourself constantly reminiscing about your ex and your relationship together. It is crucial to consciously stop yourself from doing that and divert your attention towards something else.
Staying focused on the present will help you to keep yourself distracted enough to not keep thinking about the past. There are different aspects of life, not just love but also career, family, friends, and self.
Take time out for your friends and family. Spend time with them and plan fun activities to do with them. Keep your phone aside so you don’t feel tempted to check for any messages or calls from your ex.
Focusing on your work and career can help you become more successful. You would be able to log in extra hours and work harder as a means of distraction, which would be a healthy step for your career.
Increase Social Interactions
Hanging out with friends and spending more time with them can definitely help you mend your broken heart. Girlfriends and boyfriends may come and go but friends stick around.
Take this time to appreciate your friendships. They are the ones that will help you get past hard times. Make plans to do something fun with them. Ask them to stop you from trying to reach out to your ex.
You could plan a trip with your friends. The change of environment could be healthy for you. If you and your ex have mutual friends, try not to force them into choosing sides. You can also try to make new friends and see how it goes.
If you have never spent time with your colleagues outside of work, now’s your chance to get to know them better. Take an interest in their lives. This is a good way to direct your focus away from memories of your ex and towards something new and fresh.
Spending time with friends and family will also help you avoid getting depressed. You need to avoid being isolated after having your heart broken. Spend a few nights with a friend or family member till you start feeling better.
Slowly, Put Yourself Back Out There
After a significant period of time when you feel that you’re ready to start dating again, it’s important to put yourself out there. You don’t need to rush into it but you can slowly start getting to know someone new at your own pace.
Rushing into another relationship after a recent breakup will only lead to a rebound, which would make you feel good temporarily but will fill you with sadness all over again. It’s important to allow yourself to heal completely before jumping into another relationship.
Hopping from one meaningless relationship to another will not only hurt you but would be unfair to the next person. Why cause unnecessary grief to people who have done nothing wrong to you?
When you put yourself back out there, try to have an open mind and not compare the next person to your ex. Every individual is different and comparing them will only make them feel bad.
Also, try not to talk about your ex too much with your next companion. They may think that you are still hung up on your ex and are not ready to move on just as yet.
In this article, we discussed in detail about 9 ways on how to get over a breakup when you still love them.
Frequently Asked Questions: 9 Ways on How To Get Over A Breakup When You Still Love Them
How long does it take to get over someone you truly loved?
Getting over someone can be very difficult but the time taken to get over a relationship depends on the duration of the relationship. It can take from one month to two years to completely get over someone you loved depending on how long you’ve been together.
How do you let go of an ex you still love?
Firstly, you need to process the grief you feel from the loss of the relationship. Take your time to go through the emotions and find someone to talk to about it. The process of healing should not be rushed.
Find ways to keep yourself distracted so you don’t torment yourself over the failed relationship. Don’t blame yourself and learn to love yourself for who you are. Self love is very important for the process of moving on.
Take out time for your other loved ones like friends and family. Try new things and go on new adventures. Explore different hobbies that you were too busy to take up before. Shift your focus to your work and career.
Why can’t I let go of the past?
You find it difficult to let go of the past when you are unable to focus on the present. Accepting the past and making peace with it is an important step of moving on. We become so obsessed with our past that we forget what’s really important – the present.