Hey Optimist Minds!
If you’ve ever dealt with a narcissist, you must be familiar with their frequent anger outburst. People with narcissistic tendencies can get furious very quickly. It doesn’t take much for them to get agitated and become aggressive.
Often, this aggression is so intense that you get overwhelmed. You may not know the best way to respond because it seems impossible to get your point across. One thing’s for sure; there’s no winning with a narcissist.
Their rage and lack of empathy prevent actual conflict resolution. Things only simmer down when you comply with their demands. However, there are ways to cope with this rage without succumbing to it.
In this video, we’ll go over seven such ways to cope with narcissistic rage. These methods will help you stand your ground despite the overwhelming aggression.
Keep in mind that, though effective, these techniques are not enough when you’re involved with a narcissist. Therefore, it’s ideal also to consult a mental health professional to undo the damage done by narcissistic abuse.
Now, let’s begin.
Do your homework.
When you’re entering the battlefield of a narcissist, you need to be fully prepared. They will try to make it a mudslinging competition that either ends with you feeling disgusted or giving up.
To avoid that, you must educate yourself about narcissistic behaviour. Knowing the psychological causes behind their actions and their typical patterns of interacting will brace you for their attacks. In addition, you’ll be able to recognise their moves, and that’ll guard you against manipulation.
It’s not easy to handle a narcissist if you’re harbouring a grudge or resentment. Any kind of negativity you hold will act against you in your exchanges with the narcissist. You’ll get triggered more quickly and lose track of your thoughts.
Instead, try to understand the pain inside this individual, making them act in such hurtful ways. This does not mean that you absolve them of their actions. You can still hold them accountable without hating them. But through your compassion, you can find the necessary patience and strength required to tackle narcissism.
When you’re voicing your concerns, expect plenty of pushback. Narcissists are a lot more defensive than regular people, so you have to try not to trigger them. Using I-statements to communicate may lower the intensity of their defensive attack.
I-statements use the structure, “I feel ____ because ____”. Focus on your feelings, and then mention what made you feel that way. It helps to avoid blaming language.
For example, you might say, “I feel hurt and disrespected when I’m yelled at. Can we speak in a lower volume?”
Now, it’s possible that the narcissist won’t cooperate no matter what you do, but it’s always worth a shot because I-statements let you speak your mind without attacking anyone.
Don’t take the bait.
Conversations with narcissists seldom take a logical route. If they don’t want to respond to what you spoke, they’ll shift the focus onto something else that probably makes you look bad.
This could be something irrelevant that happened in the past, a counter-complaint, or a downright attack at you. It is a purposeful attempt to distract you from the original topic. Resist the urge to fight back and bring back the focus to your initial concern.
The harder you resist, the meaner their attacks will become. But if you don’t give them the response they want, they’ll leave you alone.
Learn to ignore.
It’s important to realise that you don’t have to respond to the narcissist’s ugly accusations. No matter what happens, they’ll always play the victim card and never take responsibility for how they affect others. The only way they can do this is by pointing fingers at others. So, it’s best to let it go.
Take deep breaths, excuse yourself from the space, don’t answer calls or texts, and speak to a therapist. Do what you need to do to ignore their aggression and get on with your life.
Assert your boundaries.
Even if you’ve been quite vocal about your limits, the narcissist will violate them. Don’t hesitate to reiterate clear boundaries of what you will not tolerate. Let them know that if they cross the line, there will be consequences. When they inevitably do cross it, you must follow through.
For instance, you might have stated that you will no longer engage with them if the narcissist insults you or people you care about. If they do go ahead with the insult, withdraw yourself from all interactions. You’re allowed to do this no matter what role the narcissist plays in your life.
Distance yourself and address your emotions.
Being around narcissists is a draining and exhausting experience. It’s in your best interest to stay away from them. If it’s not possible to physically distance yourself from them, distance yourself emotionally.
It’s okay to phase out or not be mentally present when you’re around them. But, at the same time, there must be some kind of debriefing after every interaction with them. For example, you can journal, talk to a friend, or address the incidents in therapy.
It’s imperative to regularly reflect on what you felt and what you want to do about it if you’re going to sustain wellbeing.
Have you been using any of these tactics to deal with narcissistic rage? Perhaps you know of some other techniques that are useful too. Let us know your thoughts in the comments as we could all learn something new.
A link for further reading and the studies & references used in the making of this video are mentioned in the description below.
Thanks for visiting optimist minds, take care. Until next time.