7 Signs Your Partner is Secretly Depressed

Hey Optimist Minds!

Depression is so highly prevalent that it’s very likely someone close to you might be battling it. The closer they are to you, the harder it is to see them go through it. It’s particularly overwhelming when it’s your romantic partner who is depressed.

However, due to a lack of awareness and stigma against mental illness, most people don’t feel comfortable revealing their condition. It’s possible that your partner might never openly address their depressive symptoms.

The relationship can get complicated when this happens as your partner clearly needs more support but cannot communicate it. Unaware of the full picture, you too read into their behaviours wrong. You might perceive their low energy and social withdrawal as a reflection of how they feel about you.

In this video, we’re going to discuss seven signs your partner is secretly depressed. By recognising the symptoms, you can understand the situation better and find the help required to improve both your lives.

We want to warn our viewers that these signs are also context-dependent. Just because someone does any of these things, doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re depressed. But when placed together, these signs indicate a possibility of clinical depression.

Now, let’s begin.


They don’t get out of the house much.

Does your partner avoid tasks and activities that require stepping out? Do they seem less keen on dates with you outside?

Perhaps they’re always coming up with excuses to stay indoors. Or, when there is an opportunity to go out and meet people, it takes them a lot to agree to leave. It could also be that whenever you guys are out, they keep insisting to go back home.

Depression causes individuals to clam up into a shell. They don’t feel comfortable being in front of other people or in social situations. Maybe they’re okay around you but they prefer it being alone and inside with you.


They’re insecure about their looks.

Low self-esteem is a typical symptom of depression but since it’s an abstract construct, it’s hard to spot at one glance. You can notice your partner’s self-esteem decreasing if they seek more validation about their appearance.

They might keep checking with you if they’re looking fine. You can also sense their insecurity in loaded comments about their age, attractiveness, or weight. They may show greater sensitivity about it or ask for reassurance.


They struggle to make decisions.

Does your partner get stuck between options for both big and small decisions? Do they seem more confused than they were before?

Depression tends to make it hard for people to decide things. They keep seeing the cons in every situation and feel exhausted having to choose. You might notice this when you’re ordering food, picking a subscription, or planning activities.

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They don’t talk much these days.

Recently, has your partner stopped communicating? Do they often seem to have thoughts running in their mind but they don’t share any of them?

Sometimes, depression makes people much quieter than their previous selves. This could be because the uncontrollable thoughts come rapidly and it’s hard to express them in words. 

Or, it could also be because of a feeling of isolation. Maybe your partner feels alienated and doesn’t know how to reach out. So, instead, they speak less and don’t reveal their thoughts.


They’ve stopped engaging in their interests.

Does your partner have a hobby that they’re neglecting? Are they less enthusiastic about the things that used to bring them joy?

This is a big red flag of possible depression because the disorder causes a condition called anhedonia. It means the inability to find enjoyment in things that previously brought contentment.

When your partner stops engaging in things they were passionate about, it might be because of depression.


They spend a lot of time on their phone.

After waking up, does your partner stay in bed for hours, scrolling away on their phone? Perhaps they spend all their idle time silently consuming online content.

It’s pretty common to try and escape one’s troubles by looking at endless memes, social media posts, and online shows. Doing so lets you numb out the triggers in your life and distract yourself with content galore.

Depression, in today’s world, regularly features the mindless use of technology this way. If your partner does it too, check how they’re doing emotionally.


They’ve lost interest in sex.

Has it been a while since you and your partner were intimate? Does it feel like they are too tired for sex on most days?

A person’s libido decreases when they’re depressed. They either don’t feel the same pleasure from sexual activity as they felt before. Or they are less keen on connecting with you physically. It’s almost as if they’ve checked out and are too lost in their thoughts to be present in the moment.

Did any of these scenarios seem familiar to you? Do you think your partner might be secretly depressed? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.