7 Signs You Were Never In Love

Hey Optimist Minds!

Have you ever wondered if you were truly in love in a past relationship? 

Often when we go through a breakup, we start thinking of philosophical questions like ‘Was our love real?’ At times like that, you might go over all the details of the relationship from start to end to analyse the whole experience.

In this quest, it’s not uncommon to find that maybe there was no love at all. That’s because humans tend to get confused between love, lust, attachment, and complementary needs. Sometimes, we think we are in love, but it’s actually just a mutually beneficial situation disguised as love.

This video will discuss some of the ways to figure out whether you actually were in love or not. Contemplating this can help you become more self-aware and focus on the lessons you learned. However, as love is rather subjective, only you are the best judge of whether your love was authentic.

Now, here are seven signs you were never in love.


You weren’t being honest with each other.

Did it ever feel like your partner and you were putting up an act? Was there a lack of trust between you two that made it hard to communicate openly?

It’s easy to look for someone to blame when there is dishonesty involved. But if you think about it, more often than not, people only lie because they feel it’s the better option. Your fear of how the truth will be handled makes you avoid revealing it. Generally, such fear and poor trust indicate an absence of love.


You weren’t very interested in things they were passionate about.

Were you bored by your partner’s hobbies and interests? Did you find it hard to actively participate or witness them in these activities?

Even if you had strong feelings for the person and felt attached to them, if you weren’t able to embrace the parts of their life that were important to them, there’s a good chance you weren’t in love.


You weren’t being yourself with them.

One of the best things about love is acceptance and appreciation. When two people love each other, they don’t hesitate to be their true selves together. However, if there isn’t true love involved, you might be afraid of showing your real self to your significant other. This usually stems from a fear of being rejected or abandoned.


You didn’t want them to meet your friends and family.

In every loving and committed relationship, there comes a point when you want to blend your lives together. You feel like introducing your partner to all the other important people in your life so that everyone can bond. 

But if you never felt inclined to take that step with the person you were seeing, it could be because you didn’t love them or want their presence in your life permanently.


You were attached to an idea, not the person.

More often than not, people are chasing the idea of love and not love in itself. The desire to have someone in your life so that you’re not alone makes you value people more than you appreciate their personalities. 

Maybe you were looking for the perfect partner who could make you feel better about yourself and fit into your expectations of life. 

But in search of that concept, you stopped seeing the actual person inside. You fell in love with the idea of them instead of the actual person that they were.


You couldn’t talk to each other freely about your concerns.

Love is incomplete without communication. That includes both pleasant and unpleasant conversations. If you didn’t feel comfortable talking about what bothers you, you didn’t love them enough to feel safe doing that. Instead, if you really were in love, you’d prioritise resolving the issue rather than denying its existence.


Neither of you was growing.

When two people are in love, they inspire each other to become better versions of themselves. With support, empathy, and compassion, your love for each other helps you learn and grow as people. If that’s missing in a relationship, chances are that you were never in love.

Were you able to resonate with any of the signs we described here? Do you suspect that you might not have been in love with your ex? Let us know what you think in the comments. We’d love to hear from you.

A link for further reading and the studies & references used in the making of this video are mentioned in the description below.

Thanks for visiting optimist minds, take care. Until next time.

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