7 Signs The Break Up Was Your Fault

Hey Optimist Minds!

When a relationship ends, it can often get messy. Whether the breakup is mutual or one-sided, it isn’t easy to accept what just happened. Once we get a chance to process all the emotions involved, we finally begin to reflect in retrospect.

Then, looking back, it’s easier to analyse the entire situation rationally. Self-reflection is a healthy practice that helps you continuously strive to be a better version of yourself. After a breakup, if you try to look for lessons, you might be surprised by what you find.

Maybe you had more to do with it than you realised. In this video, we’re going to talk about seven signs the break up was your fault. Perhaps taking accountability for what happened could help you grow as a person.

Before we begin, we want our viewers to know that the root of a breakup is never really someone’s “fault” even if technically, they caused it. 

The seeds of separation get sowed with transitions in both partners’ lives that drift them apart. It’s a good idea to introspect these changes to understand how to improve yourself.

Having said that, let’s begin.

One

You pushed them away.

Did you try to avoid feeling hurt or abandoned by distancing yourself first? Often, people with insecure attachment styles feel scared that their partner might leave them. These fearful feelings come from their childhood where they felt similarly about their parents.

Growing up, if you felt like your parents’ affection was conditional or unpredictable, you expect the same insecurity in adult relationships. It could be that deep down, you were afraid your partner was going to reject you. So, you prepared yourself for it by asking for space.

You might be telling yourself it’s them who stopped loving you but it’s likely that you’ve assumed that on your own.

Two

You’re feeling defensive.

Do you spend much time looking for ways to rationalise your breakup? Have you spoken to others, including your ex, in great lengths about why you behaved a certain way?

When someone feels defensive, they get concerned with justifying their actions or words. If you too feel compelled to explain your choices, it’s possible that you’re defending something that you feel bad about.

Three

You see a pattern in your breakups.

Did you get a feeling of de-ja-vu when you broke up? Did it seem similar to some other breakups in your life? If so, then maybe you’re missing a lesson that life is trying to teach you. Perhaps, until you figure out what that lesson is, you’ll keep having breakups just like this one.

Four

You feel like apologising.

Do you frequently get the thought of calling or emailing your ex to say sorry? Sometimes, feeling guilt can be a sign that you had a role in how things turned out. It’s important to explore such feelings and figure out whether they are based on truth or if you were manipulated to feel so.

Five

You miss the drama but not your partner.

Have you ever found yourself remembering the highs and lows of your relationship? Perhaps you miss the excitement of the fights followed by making up. 

While it’s natural to yearn for old times, you need to ask yourself if you actually miss the person you were with too. If not, then it’s quite possible your decreased interest in them paved the way towards separation.

Six

You had stopped investing in the relationship.

As you look back, do you think that you sort of checked out of the relationship at some point? Did you stop feeling like spending time, energy, and resources to make your bond stronger? 

Maybe you stopped showing interest in your partner’s life. Or, perhaps you were too busy or tired to be romantic. Relationships are like plants that need to be watered and nurtured for them to bloom. If you stopped watering yours, a breakup isn’t much of a surprise.

Seven

You feel relief.

Do you feel a sense of calm ever since you became single again? Are you relieved from the pressure and theatrics of the relationship? 

This is a clear sign that you wanted a break even if you didn’t realise it at first. It could be that your need for relief made you subconsciously act in ways that hastened the separation.

Now that we’ve discussed these signs, do you think you had something to do with the breakup? Is it possible that you caused it without recognising that you did? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.

A link for further reading and the studies & references used in the making of this video are mentioned in the description below.

Thanks for visiting optimist minds, take care. Until next time.

References

• https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/147470490800600119
• https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10680-017-9428-2
• https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037/pspp0000109 
• https://econtent.hogrefe.com/doi/full/10.1027/1864-9335/a000200