7 reasons why love is a choice, not a feeling
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The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material.
This article will show you 7 matters why love is a choice and not a feeling. It will also explain to you how to choose love in a relationship, and what some things can make love die.
7 reasons why love is a choice, not a feeling
Some reasons show that love is a choice and not a feeling. Let’s discuss what they are.
Love is to make a commitment
Loving someone doesn’t come just from a feeling. It is a conscious, everyday decision, to be truthful, and faithful to that person’s heart. It is not based on infatuation, and the physical attraction that comes with it, it is deeper than that.
You can even find another person attractive, but your commitment to the person you are with prevents you from even considering acting on it.
You love someone even through bad circumstances
Being in a committed, loving relationship doesn’t make everything perfect. There are a lot of bumps on the road, and at times things can get difficult. You can become angry at each other, or you are dealing with matters in life like the loss of someone you love that can affect how you feel, and behave.
But even through all of this, you will be there for each other. Being in love means you decided to be by each other through thick and thin, it is not only emotional, but it is also a decision of being there for them as they will be there for you.
Even though you can decide who stays in your life
Love is such a powerful decision that even though you can choose the person you would be with, you will choose to be with this person. This means that you are making the conscious decision of having them in your life.
Love is extremely altruistic
Loving someone means that you are deciding to put them as a priority in your life. In that, you start to consider your partner’s wants and needs in each step you take in life. You don’t think only about yourself anymore, there is another person to consider.
In some situations, it is even possible that you will put your partner’s well-being before your own. And when the two of you reach a crossroads you will likely need to talk it out and make the decision to let go of your point of view so you can reach a compromise because the two of you are committed to making the relationship work.
Love is also forgiving
As well as loving someone, forging them is also a choice. And most likely it is not something that is moved by empathy, but most likely by the idea that the two of you still want to stay in that relationship.
You may feel hurt, or even offended by something they have done, but you decide to let go of that to forgive. It doesn’t necessarily mean you just forget what was done, but you decide to move past it.
To love means being understanding about the person’s boundaries
Boundaries are also important when talking about the decision of loving someone. Having them is a clear sign you and your partner value each other, be it in the relationship, but also as a person.
In that, you define what you are willing to do for your partner and the relationship. It gives you the chance to love them, while also remaining true to yourself.
Love makes you look for good
When you love you will likely see all the good that your partner has. It is not having an idealized version of them, but rather choosing to look at the good they have in them instead of focusing on their faults.
You know your partner is not perfect, as they know you aren’t too, but you choose to look at the good, instead of criticizing them for their shortcomings.
How can I choose love in my relationship?
If you are in a relationship with someone, some behaviors can help you choose to love every day. Here is what you can do.
Look at the good things
When you want to choose love, it may be helpful for you to look at the good things in the relationship. Think about the times your partner was helpful, and supportive, and showed you how much they care for you.
Consider how many times you thanked them, and how each of you shows gratitude for the care and love you have for each other. Making a decision to look at all those good things, and hearing your partner say thank you, or you saying thank you to them can make love grow.
Show affection
Affection can be shown in many ways in a relationship. But to make love grow, find ways to show your partner affection, and be sure to do so in ways they recognize it.
It can be hugging them or kissing them at an unexpected moment. It seems like a simple thing, but it is not something that everyone expresses easily. If that is your case, know that it is not only through physical contact that you can show affection.
One may also do it by being thoughtful and considerate of the other person. Bringing them some warm coffee in the morning, or helping them organize their closet can be a way to show them how much you care, and that you are making the decision to be with them.
Show your partner you appreciate them
This is an important factor to choose love. It means that you should show your partner that you love them for who they are, not the ideal version you have of them, or love them for what they have to offer you at the moment.
To show your partner you love them for who they are you can give them compliments, and tell them what makes them special to you. It can be a personality trait, or even if you think they are doing great in a determined situation.
Care for yourself
Although people may find it strange, caring for yourself can be an important way to choose love. When you maintain your self-care you are showing your partner that you are still working on being your best self to be with them.
It shows you don’t take them for granted, but also that you are worth the care. This can happen by caring for yourself physically, emotionally, or even intellectually.
What makes love die?
But even though there are things that can make you choose to love, and make it blossom, there are still behaviors that can cause love to die. One of the most important ones is acting dismissively and disregarding your partner’s wants and needs.
Not being able to communicate properly, and abandoning your partner emotionally when things are tough can also be ways for love to die. Aside from those, other things like taking your partner for granted, being judgemental, or keeping secrets from them can be a problem.
Love can also die if you share with others the matters that your partner has confided in you, if you push them to change to fit what you expect from them, and if you no longer show them how much you care for them.
Finally, love can die if you start acting in a way to belittle your partner, be it in private, or even worse when you are around other people.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): What are the 7 reasons that prove that love is a choice and not a feeling?
What is the difference between liking, and loving someone?
There are some differences between liking, and loving someone. Liking is often described as the initial stages when you are developing a deeper feeling for the person, that is not only based on physical attraction but still is not as deep as loving someone.
When you are in love with someone, it means that you have created a deeper bond with the person and that you know, and accept them for who they are, and no longer have an idealized view of them.
Is it possible to be in love with someone without feeling that euphoria?
Yes, it is possible to experience romantic love towards someone without having that euphoria, heart beating faster, and butterflies. It can happen when people have been platonic at first and slowly developed a romantic, and sexual relationship.
What does true love feel like?
True love may feel like a deep sense of affection and care for the person, and this feeling is something that will not change easily. It is not a simple conflict that will shale what you have built with the person.
In a relationship in which there is true love, you are open to compromising and giving up some of your points of view to see the person happy. True love also implies that you love the person for who they truly are, even the negative sides.
What makes a man fall in love with a woman?
There are always very particular things that will make a man fall in love with a woman. But ultimately, the sense of intimacy, how close they feel to the woman, how connected they are, and how much they feel loved by her will be a driving force.
There is also another key factor which is passion, this implies the physical, and romantic attraction, along with how compatible the two of you are sexually, and how committed you are to each other.
Aside from that, they will often look for someone that shares the same values as them, that is authentic, caring, independent, supportive, and with whom they can see a future together.
What is a sign that a man thinks I am the one?
One of the clearest signs that a man thinks you are the one is that they will make you their priority. They will make sure to organize his days, and activities in a way that he can be with you as much as he can, and even that will let him be by your side in your hours of need. He may have you in his mind and take you under consideration even when you don’t expect him to.
Conclusion
This article showed you the seven reasons why love is a choice and not a feeling. It also explained how you can choose love in your relationship, and what things can make love die.
If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write them in the section below.
References
7 Things That Prove Love Is a Choice, Not Just an Emotion
