Hey Optimist Minds!
Have you ever heard someone call you a mummy’s boy as if it were an insult? Did it make you question whether your relationship with your mom is unhealthy?
The term ‘mummy’s boy’ is popularly used for grown men whose mothers are significantly involved in their daily lives. In some cultures, this is seen as normal, while in others, this is seen as a lack of manliness.
Being close to your mother isn’t a bad thing. In fact, there are many advantages to a close mother-son relationship.
For example, multiple studies show a boy’s close relationship with his mother leads to positive outcomes, such as delayed sexual activity, emotional openness, increased academic engagement, and the avoidance of alcohol or drugs.
However, this closeness need not replace autonomy as you need to be independent and reliable to be a healthy adult. If you can’t seem to function without your mum’s inputs, there might be a problem.
In this video, we will describe the signs that your closeness with your mother has transformed into dependency in adulthood. The information shared here is only a self-assessment. In no way does this qualify as an official diagnosis.
So, here are five signs you’re a mummy’s boy.
You’re on the phone with her several times a day.
Do the two of you talk to each other on the phone more than you talk to the people in front of you? Is it hard to get on with the day unless you’ve spoken to her at least once?
Daily interactions on the phone with your mom is not necessarily a bad thing. It helps you stay in touch despite the distance between you. But if these phone calls are essential for you to feel secure or be functional, it’s not a good sign.
Perhaps your mother’s parenting never gave you an opportunity to be self-reliant. As a result, today, you still need to hear her comments before You can feel competent. Not speaking to her daily seems unimaginable to you.
She makes your choices for you.
Do you weigh in your mother’s opinions when you’re deciding something for yourself? If she disaproves of something you’ve decided, do you feel compelled to change your mind?
A clear sign of codependency is the need to consult your mom for every big and small decision. It could be something as simple as what clothes to wear for an event or something a little more complex like whether or not you should visit the doctor.
If you’re a mummy’s boy, you’ll struggle to make your decisions without her inputs.
You’re an overachiever because you want to make her proud.
The main reason why it’s so difficult for a mummy’s boy to make his own choices is that he badly wants to impress his mother. Now, while it’s fine to enjoy making mothers proud, it shouldn’t be a grown man’s sole motivation.
A boy may grow up to constantly seek his mother’s approval because he was neglected in childhood. Other reasons for this include possible emotional blackmail, narcissistic abuse, and unrealistic compliments from the mother.
You struggle to stand up to her.
Are you unable to tell your mom that you disagree with her? Instead, do you do whatever you can to avoid conflict with her?
A mummy’s boy cannot draw boundaries with his mother because he is still afraid of her reactions. The reactions need not be violent, even a dramatic expression of sadness is enough for him to keep her at peace.
Sadly, this invites the mother to get more involved in her son’s life. Failing to limit your mom’s involvement, you might rationalise her behaviour and tell yourself that she’s doing it out of care.
You involve her in your love life.
Probably the most universally recognised sign of a mummy’s boy is if he speaks to his mum in detail about his romantic partner.
Do you wait for your mother’s go-ahead before you commit to a love interest? Have you given her the liberty to participate in important decisions only you and your partner should make? For example, where to live, what career moves to make, when to have children, etc.
Personal decisions like these should not be based on your mother’s thoughts and opinions. Otherwise, they will fail to make you truly happy. Moreover, your partner might object to such involvement.
Did the signs we describe seem familiar to you? Are you suspecting that you could be a mummy’s boy? Let us know what you think in the comment section.
A link for further reading and the studies & references used in the making of this video are mentioned in the description below.
Thanks for visiting optimist minds, take care. Until next time.