5 Signs of a Narcissistic Sibling

Hey Optimist Minds!

Do you have a difficult relationship with one of your siblings? Is it so bad that you’re considering distancing yourself from your entire family? It’s possible that the reason they treat you so disrespectfully is that they’re a narcissist.

While growing up, most siblings have mixed feelings for each other and often have arguments. However, these tend to get resolved as you become adults and learn how to communicate better. 

If you’ve tried to make it work but things just don’t seem to improve with your sibling, they might be toxic for you. A narcissist is someone with a deep sense of entitlement who’s unable to feel empathy for others.

Narcissists generally have disturbed interpersonal relationships with everyone close to them, including siblings. In this video, we’ll help you recognise whether you have a narcissistic sibling. Do not use this video to diagnose or condemn them. It’s only meant to help you understand the relationship better.

So, here are five signs of a narcissistic sibling.

Number One

They’re awfully competitive.

Does your sibling have to better than you at everything? For example, if you’re getting acknowledgement for something, do they butt in and try to steal the attention?

We’ve all heard of sibling rivalries but narcissists take it to the next level. Their entitled nature makes them believe that they deserve more than you. So whether it’s love and affection from your parents, recognition, praise, or admiration, they always need to be a step ahead of you.

As adults, this might look like who is a better child to your ageing parents. They’ll keep a score of everything and try to portray themselves as more responsible. If you do something nice for your parents, they’ll go overboard with something over the top to shift the focus to themselves.

Number Two

They make you feel guilty.

Does this sibling try to make you feel bad about not doing enough? Do they hold you responsible for their feelings?

This behaviour is common to all narcissists as they need to project their innermost feelings of shame and guilt onto others. For example, in the context of siblings, they might ask you to do something inconvenient for you. When you raise your concerns, they’ll shame you for not prioritising family.

Alternatively, if they’re feeling insecure or left out, they’ll blame you for making them upset. Narcissists don’t take accountability for their thoughts, emotions, and behaviour. They always need someone to point their finger at. As a sibling, you might be their go-to scapegoat.

Number Three

They lie about you to others.

Do you sometimes get to hear from others that your sibling has been talking behind you? Do friends or family suddenly start treating you differently because of something this sibling did?

This is a typical narcissistic move called “triangulation” used to control people’s relationships. It’s when the narcissist tries to push people away from each other by telling both parties things about the other that might jeopardise their relationship. 

For example, they might tell your friends or relatives that you said something mean about them when you didn’t. Then, they might fill your ears with something similar things about them. Doing this might cause a rift between you and this person and make both your relationships with the narcissistic sibling temporarily stronger. 

Number Four

They do not respect your boundaries.

Does your sibling take your things without permission? Even after telling them that you have a problem with something, do they go ahead and do it anyway?

Since narcissists feel entitled to get whatever they want, they do not care about other people’s boundaries. You might ask your sibling to stay out of your room or not use your things. Now, even though many siblings feel territorial and don’t like sharing, it takes a toxic turn with a narcissist in the house.

You’ll find that your sibling blatantly defies you, feels no guilt about it, and somehow manages to make you feel guilty for having the boundary in the first place. They gaslight you and confuse you into thinking that they did nothing wrong. Narcissistic siblings don’t just covet personal belongings; they might even try to steal your friends or your romantic partner.

Number Five

They humiliate you in front of others.

Does this sibling talk about your mistakes to everyone? Do they like to crack jokes that target your insecurities?

One of the better-known signs of toxic siblings is when they make you look bad in front of an audience. Narcissists regularly resort to this method to make themselves feel better. By making you feel inferior, they sustain their delusion of superiority. 

They might also use this tactic to keep you under control. If your self-esteem is forced to stay low, you’ll always hesitate to take a stand for yourself. This allows the narcissistic sibling to exploit you and get away with it. 

Did these five signs describe any of your siblings? Do you think your brother or sister might have some narcissistic tendencies? Let us know in the comments if this video helped you.

A link for further reading and the studies & references used in the making of this video are mentioned in the description below.

Thanks for visiting optimist minds, take care. Until next time.

Resources

• https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00223980.2010.528073
• https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886920301665
• https://www.pep-web.org/document.php?id=irp.001.0353a
• https://www.taylorfrancis.com/chapters/edit/10.4324/9780429480201-7/sibling-trauma-theoretical-consideration-juliet-mitchell
• https://books.google.co.in/books?hl=en&lr=&id=8DPrDQAAQBAJ&oi=