30 and single depressed (how to cope)

In this article, we will be dealing with the topic: 30 and single depressed. We will be exploring the reasons why it’s boring to be single, how bad is it to be single in your thirties, ways, and techniques for coping with being single, and more about singledom. 

At the end of this article, we will also be answering certain frequently asked questions about being single. 

30 and single depressed

Being single at the age of 30 can be quite a challenge, at least for some of them out there. It can lead to prolonged feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and sadness that may or may not lead to depression. However, the chances are not less. There are many reasons people state for the disadvantages of being single at the age of thirty. Some of them are as follows;

  • Feelings of loneliness and being unloved emerge after a point in time. You start to feel the pangs of isolation hitting you badly and as if there is no one out there who truly understands and loves you. 
  • You see your friends and colleagues getting married or enter long-term relationships which in one way or the other causes feelings of insecurities and sadness in you. These could be mostly due to the play of distorted thoughts and assumptions you churn out. However, it does exert great pressure on your mental health. 
  • You feel stuck and lost. When a constant partner is absent, you might start to feel increasingly demotivated and hopeless about a lot of things. The lack of someone to cheer you up and be there for you in times of need can hurt you and make you feel dejected. 
  • You start to think that you are becoming less attractive and that in turn affects your confidence to go out and meet new people. 
  • It brings about a dull sort of pain, at times. Situations or people that remind you of your singledom scares the heck out of you and in all those moments you start to feel a weird kind of physical pain that is somewhat similar to cramps or a painful poke. 
  • Feelings of isolation can also cause high blood pressure, increase stress hormone levels, decrease the immune system functioning, and accelerate aging. 
  • You start to feel as if there is no one out there who genuinely wants to hear, understand, acknowledge, or care for you, despite you being there for everyone out there. 
  • People tend to start labeling you as the ‘career woman’ to indicate that you are too focused on your work which is affecting your priority list and making time for finding a partner.
  • People around you tend to jump to providing solutions, strategies, and advice without hearing out what you’ve got to say. They don’t care to empathize with you. 
  • You get surrounded by couples wherever you go and leave no room for breathing. This creates feelings of inadequacy and uncertainty that haunts you for days.

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How do you remain single for so long?

Individual goals and ways of living have changed over generations. This is especially true among young people. They seek different things in life and do not want to be held back from living their life to the fullest. Hence, various evident reasons tell us why many people remain single in their thirties and mid-thirties. Some of them are as follows:

Career

Career and that too, a flourishing one, is of utmost importance to the emerging adults of today’s generation.  It gives them a sense of purpose and a high level of life satisfaction which might not be gained otherwise. Therefore, many people focus individually on their career goals and aspirations in their late twenties and early thirties. 

Most people want to achieve a certain kind of lifestyle that includes both materialistic as well as spiritual growth and attainment. It allows them to explore their true selves and to challenge themselves constantly. The needs and wants of people are ever-changing and constantly rising. Therefore the personal needs of an individual become less important than the professional needs of an individual. They become more focused on excelling in their chosen path of career and in achieving their career goals. 

Travel and leisure

This is another priority for today’s adults. They seek novelty and exhilaration through travel, leisure, and other fun activities. They find it rejuvenating, exciting, and spontaneous. Hence, family and other commitments become secondary, due to the very same reason. There is an ardent desire to travel and meet new people, experience new sensations, and constantly live through changes. All of this calls for time away from family and work. It requires ample freedom of space and time to move along this path. 

This becomes especially hard and a challenging task for finding and connecting with a long-term potential partner since their needs and perspectives on life may differ. It practically seems impossible and will inevitably turn out to be a burden for those involved in the relationship. 

Individual hobbies 

If two people do not share the same set of hobbies or atleast one or two in common, it can come across as a turn off for both the partners. There will be minimal space for grounding and connection which is required for a mutual understanding relationship to flourish.

 Meeting someone and building a relationship with them is something that requires effort and persistence. You need to be willing to meet halfway and work toward the betterment of the relationship. Though it’s not necessary to be on the same page all the time, both partners must be able to talk to each other through the hard times and be the support system for each other, when required. 

No settlement

Most adults today are turning away from the idea of settling down with a family. They do not find the idea of marrying someone for life, buying a house, and having a family altogether unexciting. 

Most of them want to live freely, without responsibilities that are uncalled for or that involve commitment. 

How to cope

If you are looking forward to changing your single status and want to put yourself out there and meet new people, then here are a few tips you could follow:

  • Keep the focus on having your best time and experiencing fun and happiness while dating someone. Do not pressurize yourself in any way while in a relationship. 
  • Never compare yourself to your peers or your close friends. Understand that a relationship and its course are different for each person and the experiences are never the same. Focus on your dating goals and what you seek from a relationship. 
  • Learn to let go of past relationships and regrets. Do not get consumed by your past experiences and bring them into your current relationship. Be true to yourself and your partner. Be aware of your mindset and your thought process. Give yourself time to figure out your expectations and needs from a relationship. Don’t be afraid to be yourself with your partner and let them know when something is bothering you or when you do not feel comfortable with something in the relationship. 
  • Communication is required, wherever necessary. Honest and intentional communication helps in navigating the ups and downs of the relationship, through mutual understanding and intrinsic motivation to work out things from both sides. It helps in easing any kind of underlying tensions in the relationship and to genuinely comprehend the dynamics of the relationship. 
  • Efficiency is another key element in dating. Make sure you do not waste your time dating randomly. Take ample time to understand what are your needs and the kind of partner you are looking for. Gradually start to trust your gut instincts and do not pressurize yourself to go by the norms of what other people tell you. 
  • Learn to value your time. Be mindful of who your spending your time with and take care to keep a check on your emotions and well-being around the person, while you’re dating. Spend your energy and resources wisely in a relationship and be careful not to lose sight of yourself, while being in a relationship. Choose your compromises carefully and deliberately. 
  • Never be desperate to catch your partner’s attention. Do not turn your relationship into an obsession and take out time for yourself and your loved ones, even if you are dating. Ensure clear boundaries in the relationship and stick to them in any situation, irrespective of the external factors. These boundaries are essential for a healthy and happy relationship. It ensures your peace of mind and your ability to put things in perspective. 

Conclusion

In this article, we discussed the topic: 30 and single depression. We went through the various kinds of problems and disadvantages faced by those who remain single in their thirties, how it affects their well-being, the different kinds of reasons people state for maintaining the single status that includes career, travel, hobbies, and so on. We also examined certain ways to cope with the situation and things to keep in mind when deciding to date again. 

FAQs: 30 and single depressed

Is it better to just be single?

Being single, irrespective of your gender and social status has its own set of advantages and cookie points. The most attractive of them all is the time you will get to work on yourself and to explore your inner-self. The ‘alone time’ never goes wasted. You learn new things about yourself every day and you get to live life in a more carefree manner. Single people get the chance to beautifully embrace their solitude and to develop compassion and kindness towards themselves. 

Why is being single important?

Single people get the benefit of focusing on their happiness and goals, without having to compromise or adjust to another person’s needs and expectations. Finding this kind of happiness is truly important. It helps you to gain a perspective of who you are, what are your values and beliefs, and what makes you who you are. It helps you to understand yourself better, in short. You will not need to provide explanations or wait for acceptance from another person. 

Is it okay to be single forever?

Each to its own. That being said, there is nothing wrong with going solo forever, if that’s what you wish for and what makes you happy. The most important thing is to surround yourself with people who genuinely love you for who you are and not try to use you for their own needs and benefits. Be mindful of the people who you spend time with and what they feed you with. A well-supportive and loving circle of family and friends with an enthusiastic and faithful pet dog is as good as having a life-time partner. The key is to love yourself and show up for yourself in times of need. 

References

https://www.quora.com/How-do-you-deal-with-depression-being-single-and-over-30

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