Hey Optimist Minds!
Are you wondering whether someone around you is a narcissist? Is this person incredibly self-absorbed, entitled, and abusive?
When you’re dealing with narcissistic abuse, it always helps to understand the psychology of the situation. The label “narcissism” allows you to grasp what’s happening because it can be a very confusing and draining experience. The victim tends to get manipulated into thinking they are the problem.
By learning about narcissism, you can protect yourself and recognise the signs of abuse. In this video, we will mention some of the commonly used statements narcissists make. Then, you can use this information to dig deeper and not let the narcissist trick you.
Before we begin, here’s an important disclaimer.
Narcissism isn’t a diagnosis but is instead a descriptive term for a specific behaviour pattern. Therefore, this video is insufficient to label any individual as only a licensed professional can diagnose someone with narcissistic personality disorder.
Having said that, here are 15 things a narcissist says.
You might hear this when you’re upset with something that the narcissist has done. Maybe they mistreated you, or you caught them lying. Instead of owning up to you, they’ll make you think like you’re making a big deal out of nothing.
“Sure, they’re good, but I’ve seen better.”
Narcissists feel threatened when someone else’s achievements are being appreciated. They somehow think that other people’s success makes them look inferior. So, to minimise the impact of the win, they’ll make an unimpressed comment and bring the attention back to themselves.
“I’m only telling you this for your own good.”
Many narcissists think that they’re excellent critiques and are doing people a favour by giving them feedback. But, unfortunately, most of their criticism isn’t constructive and can be quite demeaning. Their main intention is to manipulate the listener into seeking advice from the narcissist.
“You couldn’t do this without me.”
Saying something like this is only an attempt to take away your self-confidence. Narcissists want you to be dependent on them. So, even if you’re capable of achieving things on your own, they’ll frequently taunt you in this manner. Hearing it repeatedly can make you believe that you need them in your life.
“All my past romantic partners were bad.”
It’s typical for narcissists to say this at the beginning of an intimate connection. Since it’s hard for these individuals to sustain healthy relationships, they often have a history of bad breakups. Narcissists see separation as rejection as they never take accountability for what they did to drive their partner away. That’s why they always have horrible things to say about their exes.
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“Those people don’t understand what we have.”
This is something a narcissistic partner might say to you if your loved ones are concerned about the nature of your relationship. Dating a narcissist is a turbulent experience with plenty of nasty fights and controlling behaviour. The narcissist will say this to dismiss any concerns others have regarding the abuse.
“I’m all you have.”
Isolation is a classic narcissistic move to increase their control over their victims. If you hear this, likely, the narcissist has already tried to cut off ties between you and other important people in your life. After sabotaging your other relationships, they’ll say stuff like this to make you feel they’re the only one who cares about you.
“You made me do this.”
Oftentimes the narcissist does something that’s clearly harmful. Instead of taking responsibility for what they did, they’ll blame you for making them do it. They’ll argue that if they weren’t upset with you, they never would have done it. But that argument is baseless since each person is responsible for their choices and mental health.
“I’m sorry. Are you happy now?”
This was just one of the many insincere apologies you will hear from narcissists. It comes out when you’ve asserted yourself more than enough, and you even have evidence of the narcissist’s bad behaviour. They say this to get the confrontation over with and to make you feel like you’re the bad guy for putting them in this position.
“If you could just get it right, everything will be okay again.”
Narcissistic abuse is centred around making the victim feel at fault. Even though it’s the narcissist’s disrespectful behaviour causing frequent conflicts, their abuse convinces you that you need to be better. Statements like this one reinforce this belief and thus absolve the abuser of any accountability.
“I never talk to others about our problems, and this is what you do?”
A narcissistic spouse will throw this at you if you’ve tried to confirm with a third party that you’re not wrong. They’ve probably been gaslighting you, and you wanted an objective opinion. When the outsider agrees that there’s something fishy, the narcissist deflects the conversation with an accusation.
They’ll make you feel guilty for airing your dirty laundry and posing as the bigger person to keep your secrets confidential. Well, here’s a thought. Why would they want others to know that they’ve been awful to you?
“Everyone else thinks the same way as I do.”
Narcissists say this to weaponise your insecurities. First, they’ll point out something that they know is your weakness. Then, they’ll make you think that other significant people in your life notice it too. As it’s something you’re very sensitive about, you end up believing that people agree with the narcissist’s criticism.
“No wonder no one else likes you.”
This is another isolating statement. Again, they’ll pick at your wounds and make you feel ashamed of it. To top it off, comments like this make you feel worthless and alone. The weaker you feel, the more power they get.
“Good luck replacing me.”
If you’ve tried to distance yourself from the narcissist, they’ll highlight how much you need them around. Saying this shows how self-absorbed they are. The thought behind this sentence is, “I’m too good for you, and I was doing you a favour by being around. You’ll be sorry to let me go”.
Don’t take them seriously. Your life is much better without them.
“Here you go again, bringing up this old stuff.”
Narcissists will try to make it look like you had previously resolved an issue, and now you’re unfair by mentioning it again. Actually, if the resolution had led to any change in behaviour, you’d never have to. The problem was only solved theoretically, and the narcissist was supposed to follow through with the solution. Since they didn’t, you’re forced to talk about it again.
Statements like these are meant to make you feel like you’re too much.
So, have you heard any of the statements we’ve included here? Or did the narcissist say the same thing differently? Let us know about your experiences in the comments so that other viewers and we could benefit from your stories.
A link for further reading and the studies & references used in the making of this video are mentioned in the description below.
Thanks for visiting optimist minds, take care. Until next time.
What we recommend for personality disorders
If you are suffering from a personality disorder then ongoing professional counselling could be your ideal first point of call. Counselling will utilize theories such as Cognitive behavioural therapy which will help you live a more fulfilling life.