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11 Signs of a Narcissistic Wife

By OptimistMinds
Page last updated: 09/01/2022 | Next review date: 09/01/2024

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The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter.  The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material.


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Hey Optimist Minds!

Being married to a narcissist isn’t pleasant at all. There’s always a fear of upsetting your spouse because the conflicts get pretty ugly. Blaming, shaming, and mocking are common occurrences, so these marriages tend to break the non-narcissistic spouse’s sense of self-worth.

A narcissist is someone extremely self-centred, entitled, and disagreeable. Having a narcissistic wife can be quite draining because it isn’t an equal relationship. The wife emotionally abuses her partner to maintain a power dynamic favouring herself.

This video will describe eleven signs of a narcissistic wife that’ll make it easier for you to recognise such a relationship. Please note that this information is only meant to help you and not to diagnose or condemn narcissists. 

Now, let’s begin.

One

She’s extremely critical.

A narcissistic wife will constantly point out flaws and imperfections in everything you do. Nothing ever seems to satisfy her. Even if you follow her specific instructions and do things her way, she will find something or the other to complain about.

Two

She gets very jealous.

On the one hand, she keeps complaining about what a lousy spouse you are, but on the other hand, if anyone else shows a romantic interest in you, she gets livid. She might accuse you of lying to her about your intentions despite your immense loyalty. 

Three

She’s always disappointed.

You often feel like she hates you, the way you look, the job you have, or everything about you. She’s upset with you so often that it’s hard for you to remember why the two of you got married in the first place. It seems like, despite your best efforts, she’s never impressed by you.

Four

She has fantasies of wealth and power.

Narcissistic wives tend to have unrealistic dreams about being rich and influential. Sometimes the fantasy is of the past, which gets reflected in statements like, “I should have married someone else” or “I should have listened to my gut before signing up for this marriage.”

Fantasies of the future show in her insistence on you getting a better paying job or working harder so you can get a bigger house, bigger car, etc.

Five

She tries to embarrass you.

She never misses an opportunity to make you look bad in front of your friends and family. If she can make a mean comment or criticise you in public, she won’t spare you. It almost seems like she enjoys humiliating you, even in front of strangers. 

Six

She makes you pay for what other people do.

If the narcissistic wife thinks she has been wronged in the past, perhaps by not getting to live in luxury or by being hurt in an intimate relationship, she will take out her resentment on you. Then, when you confront her about mistreating you, she’ll only see it as payback for her past, which is ridiculous because you had nothing to do with it.

Seven

There’s a double standard for self-improvement.

She expects you to go out of your way to be better according to her standards of perfection. In contrast, if you have any feedback for her, it faces a lot of pushback. She will ignore, dismiss, or even attack you for bringing it up.

Eight

She doesn’t allow you any emotional support.

Most narcissists resort to isolating their romantic partners so that they feel lonely. That way, the narcissist is the only person in their life, which gives them more power. 

Your narcissistic wife will discourage friendships and supportive relationships outside the marriage. At the same time, she won’t let you vent to her either. As a result, any complaints you make get countered with more complaints from her.

Nine

She weaponises sexual intimacy.

You become lonelier when she tries to make you feel guilty for wanting to have sex. Intimacy of any kind becomes a reward for compliance but given sparingly. However, if you do not obey her commands, she withholds affection and shames you for asking for it.

Ten

She threatens to hurt you when you try to criticise her.

Living under such harsh circumstances will lead to frustration and anger. You may try to talk about your problems or suggest separation. Sadly, instead of talking like a mature adult, she will blackmail you into staying with her. She might threaten to tarnish your reputation, take all of your money, or reveal your secrets.

Eleven

She is emotionally distant.

In general, narcissists lack empathy and are unable to identify the needs and feelings of others. As a result, a narcissistic wife will seem emotionally unavailable. It will be difficult to get her to connect in conversations truly. 

She might say things like “I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about” or “I can’t understand why you’re behaving this way”. Moreover, she’s never interested in trying to understand your point of view.

Did these signs remind you of your wife? Were you able to resonate with any of the scenarios we described? If so, you might be married to a narcissist. Let us know in the comments if you think this video helped you.

A link for further reading and the studies & references used in the making of this video are mentioned in the description below.

Thanks for visiting optimist minds, take care. Until next time.

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